Ok ok Trudy, here is my thread for controversial subjects.

First - I dont like BAKLAVA - it's too sweet hehe!

Second - Tarkan is a jumped up pretty boy who sings like a wailing hyena !

Discuss!

Ermmmm - i'm off now

OK HERE IS MY SUBJECT - MONEY

Question to girls. When these men you "talk" to via sms and email eventually start talking about how poor they are etc. and you agree to send them money, please explain to me what is going through your head when you do this?

Do you think that your situation is the "exception" to the rule? If you try to explain your reasons to friends, do they not try to talk sense into you? I am seriously, honestly interested.

Okay, let me be honest. With that creepy ex-boyfriend of mine I had something like that. He never asked, I offered (how stupid was I at that time?). He said he'd pay me back - hahaha - I don't think I will ever see that money again. It was a good lesson to learn. Side effect of it is that every remark about standards of living are looked at with some distrust. Not fair to treat every guy the same way, I know, but I can't help thinking like this. Every one I told afterwards asked me if I was insane. (They almost arranged 'one flew over the cuckoo's nest' for me... ).

So: asking gifts or money? Not again. Implying they are poor? I ignore it and if it continues I quit talking. If, and if again, I want to give someone something, it must be me who decides. Not the other way around!

Now I'm curious of comments.....

personally if someone asked me for money i would peddle them back to wherever they were..having said that if i could see someone i knew and cared about was suffering theres no way i would let it continue..but not if they just told me they were poor.i'd like to see it with my own eyes not just them saying so or telling me cock and bull stories

One thing I can tell all the ladies here is that if you marry these turkish men then your money/property becames their possessions. Of course some of the ladies here on TC would say it's not so with their hubbys, but I say some of them are only fooling themselves.

Some of these men think that they can have a controlling attitude over women and once you're married to them you lose what you once owned and not just your freedom.

Of course if you look at the attitude over how women are viewed in Turkey you would know that women are not 'equal' to the men there.

Well in actual healthy relationships I would say that it shouldn't be a matter of 'mine' and 'yours'. In my relationship everything is 'our'. I would never let someone take advantage of me, and if I felt they did of course I'd break up with him. In my relationship I paid for some things like travel expenses at first because I knew he didn't have any money at the time (because of me actually because he bought credit for all his money). I didn't mind because I felt (and feel) that he was the only one for me and besides he never asked me to send him anything. Later he took care of me and now that he's gone to the army he's taken only a part of the money he's earned the past year and left the larger part with me. I know that at some point he will need money in the army and of course I'll end it. Our relationship is serious and of course I would never let him suffer economically if I could prevent it as would he.

Personally I would never be with someone from another country if I wasn't dead serious about it, but now that I'm with one, I believe we will be together for the rest of our lives and the small details are not so important. My opinion is that if you're serious about your relationship of course you'll share everything, not just money. I can't stand these modern relationships where you pretty much have seperate lives and everything is 'mine' and 'yours'. I don't think that's very healthy for your relationship, especially if you split the bill in half every time you've had a cup of tea! If you feel like you're being taken advantage of or you don't want to commit yourself break up with the guy. How hard can it be? Now I've lived in Alanya for about a year and I've seen so many of these stupid relationships where you are holiday or part time boy- and girlfriends and it's completely ridiculous. Don't do it.

ok...let me add my own 2 cents and if you don't like give me back the change.

I would NEVER date anybody that asked me for money. I have dated a so called "poor" man from another country, not Turkey, in the past. This man NEVER asked me for money. He also used to take me on the most romantic and interesting dates for which he paid for everything. He also called me and wrote me when we were apart. He also did not want me to come and visit him until he could afford to pay for the plane tickets, hotel and any other travel costs. If I called him he complained about me spending my money. On our first date he took me up to the mountains for hiking and a picnic. I had no idea he had no money and found out years later that he couldn't afford a restaurant. While our relationship did not last for other reasons he set the standard pretty high. We also are very good friends still. Maybe you liberated woman would balk at this. But, a "real" man will do everything in his power for you if his intentions are sincere and true. Also he will not lord it over you that he is doing anything for you. I am college educated and have my own money and never felt like less than an equal.

Good luck.

I love baklava and I love even sweeter kadayif and kunefe Reading Trudy...what's happened to her? She seemed quite an interesting person as far as I remember and I loved reading her. Who made her go?

I don't think you can find many people who disagree with both of the two points in your initial post. There's clearly too much sugar in both baklava and Tarkan!

I think tarkan is gay but I like his eyes

I never lend money unless I've know the person like forever, i.e my friend from univeristy or middle school friends
Lending money to strangers is weird, plus if the person ahs moeny for SMS the person has money for stuff