How can you really tell if a Turkish guy is serious about you? I am no fool, and I know they sometimes try to get girls from other countries to marry them, or to move to their country but are they ALL like that? They certainly seem to "fall in love" very quickly! One minute you are chatting to him, thinking you quite fancy them and the next, they are proposing! Are they all as bad as people say, or is it just their culture?

No, I don't mean they are all bad, but in England it may be years before they will admit they love you!! In Turkey they tell you very soon after you meet them. Is it because "seni seviyorum" means something more like passion rather than "in love"?

what is this loving a person or not needs a time period this is so ridiculous pardon me feelings are feelings you cant adopt this into a period you can say you like after a drink you can say that you love after a year or after a month remember the song love is in the air cat stevens i guess... its just crush i guess actually with me it is so.. i cant love a person within a time period its a sudden thing.. like a thunder or sth like that i guess i explained it... yeah ppl can mix their feelings and they can use them or play with them... but what is "love" as it dont have a exact definition so its not much healthy to discuss about it... but using feelings isnt up to only turkish men.. thats becoz you are dealing with turkish most or there are lots of turkish men around you maybe.. i dunno who you are where are you living but thats it!

In England the men only tell you they love you, if they intend marrying you. They may really feel they do, but will only commit themselves verbally, for marriage.

Elisa is right
by the way most of the Turkish men are not serious when they say that they love you. They sometimes just say it to make the others happy or in order to be able to do whatever he wishes to reach

english men like most men they say i love you usually just before they get you in thier bed sorry to have this negative attitude, i know that there are many men out there that arnt like this and this is coming from someone who has been married to the SAMEguy for 22 years

Deli: you are quite right: some have ulterior motives. Instinct and compulsion play an important role.

I think I am a sucker for warmth! Nothing wrong in my book for expressing love fast and furiously. How wonderful to live the moment fully and passionately!
Again one cannot generalise - I know of kind hearted people who say 'I love you often' and mean nothing by it except giving it as a gift.

I know of other creeps who use it with ulterior motives both here in the UK and in Turkey. But I for one would be crying if we could not use this expression and trust the person it came from even if it meant heartache in the end. But then I am a dying breed of those who hang out on symbolic cliffs and my motto is 'live dangerously!' -lol!

It is very nice to be told you are loved ultimately, passionately and feeling so cared for.

FOREIGN GIRLS BEWARE !

Next time a Turkısh guy tells you "I love you", make sure his complete English vocabulary is not limited to just those three words.

Poor chap may only be trying to make some polite conversation...

Yes, they generally start from "You are beautiful" or "I love you". And often these are the only words the know in English...

Seticio,

When it comes to talking, Turkish men know where to stop. Shakespeare wrote volumes after volumes of books on "beauty" and "love". do you think he said more?

hehehehehe seems that turkish casanovas are getting well known... why dont let them be as like the person they saw on these american series or movies help them especially nip tuck i dunno if any one watched it not... but yes they want to be like them... aaahhh but in the base of this problem lots social things are laying...
whatever enjoy the day

I wouldn't be sure if Turkish men know where to stop he he

well dont worry they are growing up and upgrading their selves so be patient i may take years na pewno or moze but for turkish guys yeah sometimes i tell anyone foreign or turkish man or girl say "i love you" just becoz they make my day... nothing more.. well in me i guess i dont stuck in the meaning of "love" yes thats it

so maybe the misunderstanding is a problem

absolutely this becoz of cultural difference i guess.. or not completely cultural personal in minds.. but ppl can feel the warmth of that words if it said from inside or just being said... isnt it so?

I have said this before in one of these type of discussions. There is a fundamental difference between what a Turkish guy means when he says 'I love you' to what European girls imagine this means. There is a definite cultural issue here.

Girls, remember that a Turkish boys and girls can marry without knowing all that much about each other. (Please feel free to disagree with what, after all is a pretty sweeping generalisation.) I think that Seticio once desicribed marriage in Turkey as something more of a contractual relationship. Boy meets girl, likes what he sees, girl likes boy. Girls family happy with boys prospects, everyone decides they should marry Voila! They marry. Often they don't even know each other intimately (we have seen numerous posts that turkish boys like to marry virgins!)before they marry. Certain cultural 'duties' are recognised as belonging to each partner. Girl does everything she 'should' do. Cleans, cooks, works (if she has to), has babies, looks after husband, does as she is told. In return, she expects all his money, everything she wants for her house and self and to be closely guarded and cherished. It does not necessarily mean she expects fidelity, she just doesn't want to know about it, nor have anyone else find out if her husband is unfaithful. Love grows...but if it doesn't, well the 'duties' and 'appearances' are what is more important. (it seems to me and from my experiences and observations).

European girls expect a different kind of 'love' - to them it means committment that comes from the heart, not just a duty, it means the prospects of spending the rest of their life with the person they love and who has said that they love them. It means fidelity, shared happiness and all the other things that we have read about in the posts that mean 'love' to different people.

So when a Turkish boy says he 'loves' you, he means that you have made him happy, that he 'loves' to be with you when you are near him or in contact with him. It means he is grateful for the sex (because he wont get it from anyone he is likely to marry ie Turkish girls and if he did, he probably wouldn't want to marry her). Obviously this doesn't apply to every single person. It is a generalisation, but I think it is true and overall it he means just what i have said above. Its about a different understanding of the future expectations of 'love' that cause all the problems. I don't think we should think all turkish boys are feckless Lotharios, who use the word 'love' to get what they want either. I really believe that there is a very strong cultural difference in what it means and what the future expectations from each person after a declaration of love has been made.

i have heard Turkish boys/men say that you should 'love' your husband, merely because he is your husband. You can judge for yourself, their misunderstandings about this.

Did I talk too much? I think I am right about this. What do others think?

Lyndie: very well explained, I don't think anyone could put it any better. I understood all this from listening and asking questions from a lot of boys about their families and marriage.

Hi Lyndie!

I think that your analyse is very correct. I don´t have much experience in the field but from what I have seen and heard I think that you are right.

There is a cultural difference in the interpretation of "I love you" and I think that it was really good that you wrote it in here, since it will be read by many that experience this today with their "love".

Best regards

/Aslan

actually... i haev never really thought about it like that before... and i do actually think that ur right!
i have learnt (in my few mere years of being on this planet!) that turkish guyz say "i love u" a lot... and very quickly too! i think that what u are saying might explain this...

Lyndie's post answer's my question. I don't believe that there is any harm in saying it more often, or sooner! I agree, it is lovely to enjoy the moment. I do worry, though, that young girls truly believe they are in love with them.

Well Chris, it is true that young girls believe this. There are hundreds of posts on this site from girls (and older!) who want to know if their turkish bf 'loves' them really. I moderate these particular forums and its pretty heartbreaking to see the posts.

Turkish guys are charming, handsome and silver tongued. they also treat girls in a way they are not used to in England particularly. They are so romantic and make the girls feel like special princesses. Too many girls don't understand what is meant by 'I love you' in this context. When they go home, their turkish bf's will be saying the same things to the next girl that comes on holiday.

I know many many turkish boys and have spoken to them about this. They easily fall in love. (or their own perception of what love is), they easily say it (and believe it when they say it)and for them it is perfectly natural to fall in love with a new person every couple of weeks. They are generous with their emotions and attention. It is just a pity that those impressionable young girls don't understand what it all means. Love is a pretty complex thing for most people in their lifetimes within their own cultures, it is a sad fact i think that young girls going to turkey don't really stand a chance of understanding their own feelings let alone the feelings of boys from another culture.

Ahhhh young love heh? Who understand it anyway.

come to think of it, is it so bad the way they do things in Turkey. Who knows how long love will last whether it is 'true' love in the European sense, or 'passing' love in the turkish boy sense. You can marry someone from your own culture, believe they love you and within a few years they treat you like dirt, run around with every other girl they see, drink too much and beat you!

Maybe a husband who treats you well because its his 'duty' is better? Well of course not, because that only works if your husband wherever he comes from plays by the rules. If he doesn't then you are no better off!

Life is complicated anyway and then there are turkish boys.........

I agree with Lyndie on a lot, but at the same time, I also believe there are Turkish boys who actually do love their English etc girlfriends. A Turkish male friend of mine is getting married to an English woman and I can see their love is sincere. I don't think it's fair to say that all women 'think' they are in love with these men, as sometimes they can fall in love with them, just as they could fall in love with any man they meet anywhere on this earth. I also do think that it is possible that Turkish men can and do fall for some of these women. It's a shame reading on other sites though that some women go over to Turkey and other countries for sex, and this gives us a bad reputation. I am a believer that you can never know any situation, and I do believe that Turkish men and non-Turkish women CAN have a loving relationship...It may be difficult with a lot of obstacles to overcome and a lot of trust and time needed, but it is possible to get there in some cases.

Kay, yes of course you are right. I said earlier that this was quite a generalisation. There are of course many Tuk/UK/European couples who have made good relationships. The idea of the post was to explain the differences between the belief in what 'love' is.

Many Turk/Turk marriages, that start out on a contractual basis also turn into lasting enduring love and affection (in our European 'sense' of the word). Relationships are the same everywhere, its just that in some cultures they start out on a different basis.

And of course testosterone is a potent driving force in any society

Hi lyndie
I couldnt agree more with what your saying i would just like to think that there are some turkish men who are faithful and dont want to run around cheating on their english girlfriends.All i know is that i have yet to find one and i know what i am talking about!

Hi Sera,
I don't think the boys really see themselves as 'cheating' on their English gf's at all. I know a boy who was engaged to be married to someone in Europe. Offf he loved her so much. He told me once that even when she was in the room with him, he would miss her, just thinking about when she left. He was never faithfull to her when she went back home, but he couldn't see that he wasn't faithful. He said he 'loved' her and that was all that mattered, when they were together he would be faithful and when they were apart, he would do what he liked. Bless him, he really couldn't understand why this was so strange.

He just didn't see it as cheating! She of course had other ideas and she dumped his a***. His whole world fell apart! He couldn't understand it. Even 1 year later he still says he 'loves' her.

Again, just as there is a difference betweent he meaning of love, I think the concept of fidelity is also different.

Hi Lyndie,
I think there may be some truth in what your saying.I have lots and lots of guy friends in Turkey and i talk to them about their english gf's.They say they love them or at least 1 or 2 of their gf's anyway but they go around sleeping with other women.As you say quite rightly english girls would consider that cheating as the girl did that you refer to in your pervious post.When i talk to my friends about this they say things like ''oh no it doesnt matter,its only sex for me'' Like they can some how separate their loving relationship from casual sex with random girls whom they find attractive.
I Mean i speak from experience i went out with a turkish guy for 2 years and i thought we were doing ok but then i started to hear things from different girls online about him going with other people and those girls had also been told they were were his only one and there were no others.I confronted him about this naturally and he denied all knowledge of these girls told me that i was to ignore all the messages on the net because these girls were ''jealous'' and ''wanted to break us up'' so being naive i went along with this for a little while.Then the messages about his ''infidelity'' came thicker and faster i began to think maybe i was being majorly played.I asked him about it again,he told me if i couldnt trust him then we would be finished.Thinking back on it now it makes me laugh how he thought he could get away with making me look like the guilty party when i wasnt at all.Anyways we broke up about 4 months later and that was about a year and a half ago.I have found out since then that he is married to a kurdish woman they have a 3 year old son together which would mean she had the child when i was supposedly in a relationship with him.So as well as keeping his poor wife in the dark it looks like there were 5 maybe more english women whom he regularly went with and to the best of my knowledge his wife still is non the wiser.Worst of all i am very very good friends with all his brothers and they knew what was happening but didnt say a word!
This shows me that they certainly do have differing concepts of love and fidelity i just hope that nobody else experiences the full impact of those differences to the extent that i did.

ok everyone... i cant even believe that we are going into this much depth about the words "i love you".. "seni seviyorum" whatever.. surely we shouldnt believe it until they actually prove it anyway ha?

o dear... what a mess

"Come to think of it, is it so bad the way they do things in Turkey. Who knows how long love will last whether it is 'true' love in the European sense, or 'passing' love in the turkish boy sense. You can marry someone from your own culture, believe they love you and within a few years they treat you like dirt, run around with every other girl they see, drink too much and beat you!"

Lyndie this is SO true! I believe that these men can feel 'passing love' and really mean it. Is that not one of the best times in love? That excitement of being attracted to someone, getting to know them better, when everything is new. It is a joy and should be enjoyed. Young girls should also enjoy this too and not be so quick to whine and complain and suffocate their boyfriends - perhaps then they would find the boyfriends stay around longer anyway!

and to add to all of this.. isnt "love" different for every individual??

ceyda i dont agree with you....and as ceyda as.......

Oh there they go again! Fighting online as always our TC site'love birds'

u know this is the world's law ... everytime women expect men to prove sth. and in this topic it seems so, tooo

my b/f doesnt have to prove anything to me because i know he loves me.
and on one of the earlier posts it said they want girls from other countries to move to turkeyor to marry them
my bf wants me to move to turkey with him but i have always wanted to move to turkey so even if i had never met him i would still try to move to turkey
i am a girl who knows what she wants
if i ever got married to him i will still go out with my friends i will still have my freedom but i would be a very good wife to him. and i dont mind who does the house work,
because its not really important.
take care ppl
bye

Anybody interested in this topic again?

God Bless all you girls

i have just uploaded the latest pics of TURKISH MEN

It is pretty disgusting to watch though. Are all these men single then? Or not muslim perhaps?

Also, I wonder if you would find it so funny if the video was about a coach party of women being instructed on how to find a man for sex...

I think it must be a "cultural" thing MrX67. This has nothing to do with my being (or not being) a feminist. This is pretty disgusting to most people in my own country I think. Maybe prostitution is more common in Turkey, but frankly I would never touch anyone with a barge pole who has had sex with a prostitute - for many reasons.

Here is a good example of why so many people complain about immigrants in my country now.

Human traffiking for prostitution in the UK is almost entirely managed by immigrants.

http://www.uri.edu/artsci/wms/hughes/uk.htm

Turkey has the "honour" of having one of the highest rates of human trafficing from the Ukraine and Russia.

http://www.uri.edu/artsci/wms/hughes/turkey.htm

Note: Sorry these figures are so out of date. They are much higher now of course. I dont have time to search for the current figures at this time.

When you have read these, please amend your statement about this industry having "two dirty sides".

aenigma,
congrats, very good points!

ok sorry for my post apparently noone understood it but I really can't explain it anyway I'm sorry I appear as the worse person in the site right now
Have a happy day
And remember this is about turkish man
And forgive forget and smile best thing ever I swear

I just like to add here that if my wife Nesrin chose a Turkish man I would probably never ever met her in the first instance I am very pleased she chose to follow her heart when we first conversed.

ok what I wrote forgive forget and smile so what are we not smiling?????
Smile smile or no cupcakessss

Alameda, of course I think about the "whole" and who said anything about TRUE professionals being saints?

Every time you join the "majority vote" alameda, you perpetuate stereotypes and myths. You take the "middle road" and think you are being tolerant and wise, but all you do support industries like this, which makes millions of pounds for organised crime, or you defend regimes where there are no equal rights. You use examples which are exceptions, not rules.

Do you know that I have never been called a "feminist" until I joined this site, but people like you made me realise what a male dominated world this REALLY is and women who support it perpetuate it.

I am lucky enough to live in a country where I am not seen as a feminist. My views are no different to most men. Coming to this site feels like stepping back 100 years (sometimes 1000 years.

You just keep on supporting those "old ideals" that you value so highly, and keep taking the "popular" easy view. You are doing a great job....

My original comment was regarding elibrody's comment:

"It's not the best business ever but trust me prostitutes do not complain about the money they get "

You have turned this into her supporting human trafficking, which her comment did not support.

Has that been what she meant, it would have been worded differently...."prostitutes are do not complain about the money paid" The key here is "the money THEY GET".

I realize you like to argue for the sake of argument, however let's not waste time on semantics. I'm pretty sure she does not support any type of human trafficking, nor do you or I.

For Alameda's comment.

Alameda as I have said before, this is not a debate about morality.

You cannot make sweeping statements about prostitution being a fair deal between two people - IT IS NOT. You also cannot make sweeping statements that prostitution has nothing to do with human trafficking - IT DOES (as your own Department of State acknowledges).

Even now, you make another sweeping statement as you wonder how women can choose such a profession - if you would care to read the links I sent you you will see that, in fact, a VERY HIGH majority of women do not choose this as a profession or do it willingly.

"The vast majority of women in prostitution don’t want to be there. Few seek it out or choose it, and most are desperate to leave it. A 2003 study first published in the scientific Journal of Trauma Practice found that 89 percent of women in prostitution want to escape. And children are also trapped in prostitution—despite the fact that international covenants and protocols impose upon state parties an obligation to criminalize the commercial sexual exploitation of children."

With regard to Elibrody's comment, it has not been twisted. It is clear she holds the same (naive) view as you that it is a mutual agreement between two people - one for gratification and the other for money.

aenigma,
maybe in some cultures and countries it is smth normal?
and you are just ?
its a waste of time.
some people still live in the ape age.

Aenigma said: You cannot make sweeping statements about prostitution being a fair deal between two people - IT IS NOT.

That is NOT what I said. Please do not twist my words.

Aenigma said: You also cannot make sweeping statements that prostitution has nothing to do with human trafficking - IT DOES (as your own Department of State acknowledges).

Well I am not the Department of State and I have my own thoughts and ideas. That is not what I said, that's your interpretation. Any service/product that is profitable is subject to hijacking and exploitation.

Aenigma said: "Even now, you make another sweeping statement as you wonder how women can choose such a profession - if you would care to read the links I sent you you will see that, in fact, a VERY HIGH majority of women do not choose this as a profession or do it willingly."

Actually I have read the links previously and have posted similar links myself. I question how anyone can choose such a profession...but SOME do.....as in your post "VERY HIGH majority of women do not choose"....which means a small minority do!

If you want to start a thread about prostitution and all it entails, start one. It has a very long and interesting history across the world's cultures

I give up! Keep holding your views based on your "small minorities" and I hope you do it with a clear conscience.

I dont care about this topic's history? Does it help any of the exploitation of today? Dream on you silly woman...

Alameda . . . I think you upset AEnigma

AEnigma . . . take a chill pill

Awww just reading early posts on this thread - I miss Miss_Ceyda and Ramayan