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Can it be true love or am I deluded?
(31 Messages in 4 pages - View all)
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1.       Tiny
28 posts
 28 Nov 2005 Mon 11:13 pm

Hi everyone! I'm new to this website having stumbled upon it while browsing the internet looking for information on visas/passports to get my boyfriend over to the UK from Turkey for a visit and thought it would be great to chat with people in similar situations and get advice and opinions which would be most appreciated before I make the drastic decision to move to Turkey!

I met a Turk while on holiday in Marmaris in June 2004 and have just returned from my fourth trip out to see him. The relationship has got to the stage now where he wants me to move to Turkey to marry him and make a life out there with him. I'm both happy and excited at the prospect but having read all the cynical stories - not just on this website but from the press, I naturally have my reservations as to whether I can trust him. I should add here that I'm a London born Turkish Cypriot so don't know if this makes any difference to the way he regards me and our relationship. My Turkish is quite poor having been lazy about learning it as I grew up in London but fortunately he speaks good English so we communicate in both.

He works in tourism selling day trips and excersions and I know this is really hard work with long hours so the prospect of a new life with a Brit with a bit of money probably seems a very attractive proposition. To me he isn't a typical Turk. There were no declarations of love after our first meeting, in fact I was despairing of him every saying he loved me when he finally uttered those 3 words over a year into our relationship! He said he wouldn't say such a thing until he felt it and meant it so I guess that goes in his favour. Also he has no wish or desire to come to London, hence why I'm contemplating the big move. He says he's happy in Turkey and thinks it's paradise although he's never been out of the country!

Am I foolish to think he's unique and has honorable intentions towards me? I guess I'll only really find out when I move out there but would appreciate your comments, advice and opinions - having read some of your comments to other members I know you guys can be brutally honest!

Look forward to hearing from you.

2.       catwoman
8933 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 02:10 am

Afet, you are asking a difficult question. It's good that you are aware of the different things that happen around between men from Turkey and women from GB. I would say be on guard and test his love and patience. Use your wisdom to understand his behaviour and demand from him to make sacrifices for your relationship, that might help you understand how serious and committed he is. Apparently you have doubts, so something is not completely right.
It also depends how old both of you are and if you are ready to make a long term commitment.
If you WANT to go to Turkey to live with him, if this is what your heart desires without knowing that you are sacrifizing your education and happiness, I think it would be ok to go then. Relationship is always a risk to some extent.

3.       Tatli
6 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 08:54 am

My 5cents..... I worked in turkey this past summer with turkish boys....we worked in tourism so i can say a few words about those kind of guys. First of all, they all have a girlfriend from a foreign country but despite this they still go around sleeping with other girls. I talked to them many of times about this...they say they love their girlfriend and want to marry her and be with her, so then why do they go sleeping with other girls....they told me they have needs but that it is only sex with the other girls. OK, about the fact that he said I love you after a year, some of the guys when they pick up girls say I love you just to get them in bed obviously but others cant just say it which does not mean their intentions are pure. For me, I really like the guys i worked with and in their defense I truly believe they did not see anything wrong with it. One of the men was 50 and doing the same thing!!! I am no one to give advice. I am in a tough situations myself. I am dating one of those boys who I worked with and yes I have doubts but not because he gave me reason to doubt him but because of all the talk on this website. I think you do not need any advice. You know best what he wants and just listen to what your heart says it will lead you in the right direction. PS i want to move to turkey someday after i finish college....and i figure life opens many doors for us so we should take advantage of them and shit if it doesnt work out you can always go back to london or somewhere else.

4.       ~crissie~
58 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 09:58 am

i met my boyfriend on holiday
and he wants me to move to turkey and marry him.
like your bf he did not say he loved me strait away
and i think that is a good thing
i miss him like mad
i think that your b/f really does love you
bye


i miss him

5.       ~crissie~
58 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 10:06 am

and all this talk on all the websites, i agree, does make you worry
at one point i read so many bad stories i started to wonder if he really loved me, or if it was just because i am from another country
but now i am sure he loves me and i think that the people who have good experiances dont add antything to thses websites telling us about turkish guys i think its mainly only people who have had bad experiances
bye lol

6.       sophie
2712 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 11:56 am

Quoting ~crissie~:

and all this talk on all the websites, i agree, does make you worry
at one point i read so many bad stories i started to wonder if he really loved me, or if it was just because i am from another country
but now i am sure he loves me and i think that the people who have good experiances dont add antything to thses websites telling us about turkish guys i think its mainly only people who have had bad experiances
bye lol



Well i think Crissie is right. I m one of those who have had only good experiences and memories from Turkey. There i met the one who used to be 'my turk' and though we are not together anymore, i have no regrets about those 2.5 years i spent with him. He tought me so many things and made me a better human being. Maybe i was lucky, i don't know. But i definately disagree with those who believe that every turk is a creep. They do have a heart lan! And when they love, they love! When they fool around, they fool around. Like any other human being in the whole world...

7.       mltm
3690 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 12:03 pm

Quoting sophie:


But i definately disagree with those who believe that every turk is a creep. They do have a heart lan! And when they love, they love! When they fool around, they fool around. Like any other human being in the whole world...



yes, otherwise there would be no happy couple in Turkey...

8.       sophie
2712 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 12:42 pm

Quoting mltm:


yes, otherwise there would be no happy couple in Turkey...



The same story was told about greek men 5-10 maybe 20 years ago. That they were after foreign women, so that they could get a visa and a better future in a foreign country, through a marriage. And yes, there is no smoke without a fire. Ofcourse some did this. But most fell in love with foreign women just because they were so much different from the greek ones. Was it their free spirit? Their independance? Their powerful personalities? I have no idea! But they were different. And this made greek men fall in love with them. It was their heart beating, not their ambition to move in a different country, or take advantage of their wealth.
And if they were manipulating those women, then how come most of those couples live permanently in greece and have never moved to any of those women's motherland? I wonder...

9.       xanthea
83 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 01:00 pm

10.       Kimberley
10 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 01:14 pm


11.       sophie
2712 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 01:15 pm

Quoting xanthea:

hi hun.
i would jsut liek ot say that me listening to other ppl nealry split me and my turkish b/f up. i havent been seeign him tolong and he is alot younger than me. but everything just feels so right
eventually when my children have finised school we plan for me to move to turkey.
i had cancer earlier on int he year and it has made me think of things so differently i think he loves me but if he doesnt and it all ogoes wrong at least i have been happy for a while buti prepared to take the risk
all the best



I wish u all the best.
Yeah that's what life's all about. Taking risks and going after what u love. And, even if/when it doesn't work out as u expected, doesn't it feel better to look urself in the mirror and know that u have done everything u possibly could to make it work? Isn't it better than regretting for being a coward all ur life? Wondering how it would be if u had only given it a chance?
After all, its the 'journey' that matters...

12.       xanthea
83 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 01:56 pm

Quote:

I wish u all the best.
Yeah that's what life's all about. Taking risks and going after what u love. And, even if/when it doesn't work out as u expected, doesn't it feel better to look urself in the mirror and know that u have done everything u possibly could to make it work? Isn't it better than regretting for being a coward all ur life? Wondering how it would be if u had only given it a chance?
After all, its the 'journey' that matters...


your rightiwould only regret it thinking what if. i have always been the coward until now but not any more. and i dont care if ppl think i am silly and being used
thanks for your support

13.       Tiny
28 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 10:50 pm

Quoting xanthea:

hi hun.
i would jsut liek ot say that me listening to other ppl nealry split me and my turkish b/f up. i havent been seeign him tolong and he is alot younger than me. but everything just feels so right
eventually when my children have finised school we plan for me to move to turkey.
i had cancer earlier on int he year and it has made me think of things so differently i think he loves me but if he doesnt and it all ogoes wrong at least i have been happy for a while buti prepared to take the risk
all the best



Thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear you had cancer and hope you are well now. I had a similar experience earlier this year which has made me see life differently too. I just escaped the bomb at Russell Sq that killed all those people on 7 July and feel very lucky to be here. Having read all the replies I will go with my heart and make plans to move to Turkey. I do trust my boyfriend but only time will tell how things will work out. There are good and bad men the world over - not just Turkey.

I wish you luck and happiness with your boyfriend.

14.       Tiny
28 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 10:56 pm

Quoting Kimberley:

im 19 and I met my turkish boyfriend when i was 14, in alanya turkey. we stayed in contact and i visited him twice a year and i then fell pregnant when i was 16. he also waited well over a year before telling me that he loved me, but we was very young!
he had no intention of living with me in london, he was quite against it, he wanted me to go and live with him in adana. i wasnt prepared to do this at the time, so he decided that he would try to live here.
we married on my 18th birthday 16 months ago, and he has now lived here for 14 months, our daughter filiz is now 2. we are happy and he is willing to support me next year when i go to university.
although i believe that he has always been genuine, i have watched many of the men he worked with in turkey lead girls on and cheat on them, so it is important to stay aware!



It was lovely to hear your story and restores my faith in men wherever they may come from!

Good luck with uni and for the future

15.       Tiny
28 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 11:04 pm

Quoting catwoman:

Afet, you are asking a difficult question. It's good that you are aware of the different things that happen around between men from Turkey and women from GB. I would say be on guard and test his love and patience. Use your wisdom to understand his behaviour and demand from him to make sacrifices for your relationship, that might help you understand how serious and committed he is. Apparently you have doubts, so something is not completely right.
It also depends how old both of you are and if you are ready to make a long term commitment.
If you WANT to go to Turkey to live with him, if this is what your heart desires without knowing that you are sacrifizing your education and happiness, I think it would be ok to go then. Relationship is always a risk to some extent.



My doubts only arise because of all the horror stories I've heard, nothing my boyfriend has said or done. Im just quite cynical by nature and am trying to break the habit! My bf is 30 and I'm 36 so we're not that young so again hoping this is a positive. I'm grateful for your opinions and those of everyone that has replied. It has helped me to make the decision to move to Turkey.

16.       Tiny
28 posts
 29 Nov 2005 Tue 11:07 pm

Quoting ~crissie~:

and all this talk on all the websites, i agree, does make you worry
at one point i read so many bad stories i started to wonder if he really loved me, or if it was just because i am from another country
but now i am sure he loves me and i think that the people who have good experiances dont add antything to thses websites telling us about turkish guys i think its mainly only people who have had bad experiances
bye lol



You're right, we only ever hear about the bad stories of women being conned, lied to, fleeced of their life savings etc etc etc happy stories don't make interesting reading to a lot of people which is why we don't hear them!

Good luck with your man. Be happy

17.       Deli_kizin
6376 posts
 30 Nov 2005 Wed 12:06 am

I'm only 18 years old and im going to move to Turkey next year too.
I think I will do the right thing. But if it's a mistake, the only way to find out if it's a mistake, is to make it!

Many people who climb a mountain to see its beautiful view, forget that the road itself is also a wondrous thing.
I believe I will enjoy all of the road together with my love, to, in the end, enjoy a beautiful view together and memories to a beautiful and 'conquered' road, against all prejudice.

18.       Tiny
28 posts
 30 Nov 2005 Wed 12:23 am

Quoting Deli_kizin:

I'm only 18 years old and im going to move to Turkey next year too.
I think I will do the right thing. But if it's a mistake, the only way to find out if it's a mistake, is to make it!

Many people who climb a mountain to see its beautiful view, forget that the road itself is also a wondrous thing.
I believe I will enjoy all of the road together with my love, to, in the end, enjoy a beautiful view together and memories to a beautiful and 'conquered' road, against all prejudice.



You're right, the only way to find out is to go out and see what happens. The worst that can happen is that it doesn't work out and you come back again, so what? You put it all down to experience and move on.

I just want to say thanks to everyone that replied - I was really chuffed that so many of you did. Reading your comments has made me feel stronger and made me certain that going to Turkey is the right thing to do.

19.       Aidhan
23 posts
 30 Nov 2005 Wed 02:54 am

I´ve enjoyed reading all the messages that were posted.



Edited (1/9/2014) by Aidhan

20.       SuiGeneris
3922 posts
 30 Nov 2005 Wed 03:00 am

its one life, live it!!

21.       xanthea
83 posts
 30 Nov 2005 Wed 03:35 pm

hi tiny
you best keep us informed of what ya do and if ya get there
hopefully iwillget to see my boyfriend soon
allt he best

22.       mltm
3690 posts
 30 Nov 2005 Wed 07:28 pm

Quoting sophie:

Quoting mltm:


yes, otherwise there would be no happy couple in Turkey...



The same story was told about greek men 5-10 maybe 20 years ago. That they were after foreign women, so that they could get a visa and a better future in a foreign country, through a marriage. And yes, there is no smoke without a fire. Ofcourse some did this. But most fell in love with foreign women just because they were so much different from the greek ones. Was it their free spirit? Their independance? Their powerful personalities? I have no idea! But they were different. And this made greek men fall in love with them. It was their heart beating, not their ambition to move in a different country, or take advantage of their wealth.
And if they were manipulating those women, then how come most of those couples live permanently in greece and have never moved to any of those women's motherland? I wonder...



Did they? I don't really know much about Greeks, but I know that they're similar to Turks. I think new things, new cultures always attract people. You've seen and known the men in your country but you don't know the others, and you find somethings that you haven't seen in others, so you become interested and try to discover and enjoy it. And in the beginning or during this discovery, you can fall in love. We're all human, and despite the differences, we all have a heart and a soul.

Beyond this, there's the bad side too, taking advantage of someone, but I cannot see it as a very particular ethnical thing, because when you live a poor life, when your future seems like a deep, dark well, you begin to think of every possibility. Being stuck in a country and not being able to move to another country to make your future better, living a good life in the level of the europeans isn't something the europeans understand really. There're not many choices for these people.I don't support them, but I can't totally find them guilty. Then, take care of yourself, because everyone does this in the first place, open your eyes and don't trust very easily.

sophie my words arent for you :=)

23.       Aslan
1070 posts
 09 Dec 2005 Fri 06:44 pm

I don´t think that it is a good thing to buy and sell human beings...no matter if we are talking about men selling themselves to women, or the other way around...or if we are talking about other kinds of prostitution.
I think that if we look closer to the subject we will find that it is far more common than we think at first...though it is still more common that women sell themselves to men, I believe...
The issue is really not about the women being old, fat and ugly and the men young and poor...but the selling-buying thing, right?
At least that is my opinion...maybe it is based on the fact that I am old, fat and rich? Noooo...I don´t think so...

24.       ramayan
2633 posts
 09 Dec 2005 Fri 06:49 pm

here a man's idea......if the woman and man are happy no need to discuss this......if they can smile ,if they can spend good time......just leave them alone.....

25.       ~crissie~
58 posts
 09 Dec 2005 Fri 07:21 pm

Quoting ramayan:

here a man's idea......if the woman and man are happy no need to discuss this......if they can smile ,if they can spend good time......just leave them alone.....


i completely agree with this
i think that if you are happy together then stop worrying like i did and just injoy life
you only live once
take care
cyas

26.       patience
0 posts
 09 Dec 2005 Fri 07:36 pm

drugs can make you feel happy, too.. would you say "no need to discuss.. if they can smile, just leave them alone"? of course not..
some relationships will put a big smile on your face.. but it will turn into pain and misery afterwards, if its just about having good time together.. and you may miss a lot bigger thing while you re having that relationship..
knowing the truth is more important than being happy but in a delusion.. if he doesnt really love you, what joy will it bring to you? people should look for the true and everlasting things.. (i may sound like i am preaching, huh?)
but yet, those who find the true love are those who take the risk..
(i havent read the previous posts.. so i might be off the line.. but who cares since i told what i wanted to say)

Quoting ramayan:

here a man's idea......if the woman and man are happy no need to discuss this......if they can smile ,if they can spend good time......just leave them alone.....

27.       Lyndie
968 posts
 09 Dec 2005 Fri 07:37 pm

Quoting ~crissie~:

Quoting ramayan:

here a man's idea......if the woman and man are happy no need to discuss this......if they can smile ,if they can spend good time......just leave them alone.....


i completely agree with this
i think that if you are happy together then stop worrying like i did and just injoy life
you only live once
take care
cyas



Bravo Ramayan. This was a very sensible and sensitive observation. I also agree with you and Cyas. Sui Generis also said. 'you have only one life. Live it'! No one knows what will happen in the future. Aferin!

28.       ramayan
2633 posts
 09 Dec 2005 Fri 08:15 pm

Quoting patience:

drugs can make you feel happy, too.. would you say "no need to discuss.. if they can smile, just leave them alone"? of course not..
some relationships will put a big smile on your face.. but it will turn into pain and misery afterwards, if its just about having good time together.. and you may miss a lot bigger thing while you re having that relationship..
knowing the truth is more important than being happy but in a delusion.. if he doesnt really love you, what joy will it bring to you? people should look for the true and everlasting things.. (i may sound like i am preaching, huh?)
but yet, those who find the true love are those who take the risk..
(i havent read the previous posts.. so i might be off the line.. but who cares since i told what i wanted to say)

Quoting ramayan:

here a man's idea......if the woman and man are happy no need to discuss this......if they can smile ,if they can spend good time......just leave them alone.....




u r so pessimistic .....if someone dont love how can he or she smile really....or how can he or she make someone smile....anyway...everybody has their won life style....and everybody and everything has an end...so we must take maximum pleasure from life....(at least i think so)bcos we have limited time...

29.       ramayan
2633 posts
 09 Dec 2005 Fri 08:20 pm

Quoting Lyndie:

Quoting ~crissie~:

Quoting ramayan:

here a man's idea......if the woman and man are happy no need to discuss this......if they can smile ,if they can spend good time......just leave them alone.....


i completely agree with this
i think that if you are happy together then stop worrying like i did and just injoy life
you only live once
take care
cyas



Bravo Ramayan. This was a very sensible and sensitive observation. I also agree with you and Cyas. Sui Generis also said. 'you have only one life. Live it'! No one knows what will happen in the future. Aferin!




we have one life...good ...u agreed with me

30.       patience
0 posts
 09 Dec 2005 Fri 08:30 pm

thats exactly what i meant.. we have one life.. so live it right!
and you know people can laught deliriously but yet they are in delusion.. for example i have my best smiling times when someone falls on the ground on their butts where is love in this situation?
its just childish talk you re having.. cliché.. using the phrases "maximum pleassure from life", "limited time" will not make it right you should have really strong arguments.. anyway.. i am a pessimist.. and i ll keep looking for that you will never have not the easy way but the best way.. for maximum pleassure.. ahaha..

Quoting ramayan:

u r so pessimistic .....if someone dont love how can he or she smile really....or how can he or she make someone smile....anyway...everybody has their won life style....and everybody and everything has an end...so we must take maximum pleasure from life....(at least i think so)bcos we have limited time...

31.       ramayan
2633 posts
 09 Dec 2005 Fri 08:36 pm

Quoting patience:

thats exactly what i meant.. we have one life.. so live it right!
and you know people can laught deliriously but yet they are in delusion.. for example i have my best smiling times when someone falls on the ground on their butts where is love in this situation?
its just childish talk you re having.. cliché.. using the phrases "maximum pleassure from life", "limited time" will not make it right you should have really strong arguments.. anyway.. i am a pessimist.. and i ll keep looking for that you will never have not the easy way but the best way.. for maximum pleassure.. ahaha..

Quoting ramayan:

u r so pessimistic .....if someone dont love how can he or she smile really....or how can he or she make someone smile....anyway...everybody has their won life style....and everybody and everything has an end...so we must take maximum pleasure from life....(at least i think so)bcos we have limited time...



we have different principles and different ideas...im respectful....dis is wad i think...and dis is urs...have a nice nite

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