Hello Urch1n,

I do not think that my experience was "typical". In fact, it was downright nuts. I must preface this by saying that NO MAN anywhere in this world can be judged by the actions of this man.

The man I met was very possessive and inherently violent - not towards me but aggressive with others. He was a true racist. He talked about the Turkish Mafia tooooo much and the Italian Mafia toooo much. He had every Mario Puzo book he ever wrote and I believe now that me being Italian was his source of fascination.

The first time I went to Turkey I was with him for 10 days and we traveled all over. The best MY money could buy! It was his birthday so I didn't think much of it as I am extremely independent. Now, in saying that I am 35 and not foolish - but I believed him. 25 cards a day to my inbox, chatting for 12 hours at a time, phone calls, SMS...it was non-stop and every day. I have (2) little girls and he was so busy playing the "dad" card that it made me nervous. When I left him, I told him I would not return until I found permanent work there (have to watch out for my girls). He was a professed Anarchist (no problem, to each his own) and told me that my religion was no problem (originally).

In short, I found a great job in Alanya and was ready to return within 2 weeks. He TOLD me I was to close all my bank accounts in the US and in Italy and wire the money directly to his bank account (yeah - surrrre!). When I got back to Turkey he wanted to get married quickly. He was into my daughters immediately. I was thinking - no marriage right away (I am widow from my first husband). I said, "so essentially I will work full time, find a dede for my girls or cresh (sp?), take care of the family, provide my car, and what shall you do?" He said he didn't know and made no effort to be 50%. He wanted me to set him up in business and for us to work together. (Again - yeah - surrrrre!)

He demanded to change my name (and my girls), destroy my passport and documents, demand full Turkish citizenship and told me I would never see my family again and I would NEVER leave Turkey. He told me he was "erasing everything I ever was and for now on you will only be Turk!" He said he would refuse to talk to me in anything but Turkish and wanted me to finish with English and Italian. Orignally my religion was my own and he had the utmost respect. I told him that I would learn his religion and was proud to learn it (first trip). Then...he demanded that I did away with mine and convert fully to his. Not a request - a demand.

Then before going to Alanya we were at his parents house in Ankara. Of course it was inappropriate for us to stay together so, we slept apart. His family was wonderful. They treated me better than him. But, one night while my girls slept I was sitting in their kitchen thinking "this is not going to work - this is all wrong and how the hell am I going to get out?". I saw a flashing coming from their room. He was in there with Anarchist flags draped over their sleeping faces taking pictures. I left the next morning. I never made it to the job, and finished with him immediately. He never apologized for anything. He said when I left him I destroyed his "honor" and he swore revenge. Again - yeahhhh sure. I told him that he had no respect and was a liar and if that was honor he had a funny way of showing it. He told me I was not his "enemy" (I was thinking for the $8,000 I spent I would hope not!).

In retrospect, he changed. He was not the man I knew online. He was not the man I knew when I went the 1st time. And he beat the piss out of my car

I was so angry (with myself) when I left that I drove straight out of Ankara (with only a map and no knowledge of anything more than he told me), over to Istanbul, over the top of Greece, down the west coast and caught the first boat back to Bari, Italy - with my daughters in the backseat. I wasn't mad at him. I was mad a me. He called and emailed and asked me to return. Ahhhh, no.

Please do not take this as any example of what could happen. I do truly believe that he was an isolated case. If I didn't believe that, I would not be still interested in Turkish men.

I do wish you the very best of luck with your relationship, and go slow. In ANY relationship - anything worth having is worth waiting for if it is true and meant to be. Distance should never be a barrier if love is true, nor should time.

M~

His family was incredible! They took me in like I was their daughter. His father never approved of anything he ever did (except university) and gave his full approval after we met. His mother told me if ever he did anything that offended or upset me that I was to come to her. His sister was like an immediate best friend. I hurt for the loss of them - not him. I wish I could go back, hold Anne's hands and apologize to her but I cannot.

He told me he was going to take me out and have a Turk flag tattooed across my heart! He was just a freak. An educated freak.

Yup, cut my throat and toss me in the banana field and every Turk would walk over me without regard because I was not Turkish - I was Italian. He said my body would probably rot out there before anyone would scrape me up. Nice guy

Oh my Goodness! Thank you so much for sharing. I'm still shocked about what you wrote. I guess you never really know who you're dealing with; you're very right about your advices - if it's valuable, it's worth waiting. I guess that's the only way to tell what's right and what's not. Congratulations to you for being strong and seeing things before it could be too late. Good luck to you, hope the next man you meet will be the opposite of this one.

OK!!! I know you have al been dying to know, so here's my story!
In 2002 I move to work in Andorra on the french/spanish border and met people from all over the world.

I had alot of boyfriends so I know a bit about guys from overseas

Then a while back I moved to Bulgaria, I still live there, just in the UK for a month or 2 visiting family etc.
I had 2 boyfriends in Bulgaria both of which were turkish.

The first one I was with for 5 months, he was nice but worked alot and I mean 18 hours a day which I thought was strange I started to investigate as I had heard rumours that he was already married, not once but FIVE times.

I asked him and he denied it so I had to find ut for myself, Iwent to his house and saw his wife and even then he denied it.

He cried when I ended it and said he loved me as he had from the first week.

It was all lies!!

I got over it and found out he had one baby in the next city and one on the way with his wife. I found out he was a gypsy from Turkey and they don't marry like we do, you only need an agreement between the 2 of you and thats it married!

The second was a different story, he was a bit younger than me, he was wonderful, so loving and caring, full of fun and always passionate, until he started lying.

My father is very sick its one of thev reasons we moved to bulgaria so he could die happy somewhere warm and relaxed, my dad wanted to go fishing and invited my boyfriend who accepted, I was happy we were all getting along, the day came for fishing and when I went to collect him, he didnt have his fishing rod, my dad wouldn't go if he didn't have a rod and offered to take him home to collect it, he said" My mums at work and my dads out and I can't get in the house cos I don't have key, we all knew that was BullSH**, he did have a key, he just couldn't be bothered to get it, my Dad was so upset, he had been looking forward to teaching boy how to fish, but He just wasn't interested, he was only after one thing, so I ended it.

The next week I went out to the bar in his village with some friends, andI am also friends with his friends so we all met up.

His friends told me that not only did he have a new girlfriend but that he had also married her.

Talk about fickle.

But I have not lost my faith, I will find a good man, I don't care if hes turkish, Bulgarian, English, but I know theres one for me out there somewhere just waiting to meet me.!!!!
Love from
Liz
xxxx

Phew! That's more then I can handle! Terrible! What's up with these weird 'marriage agreements'? Is it something popular in Turkey?

I don't think it is popular only in Turkey.Look at the chat room and you can understand.Who are they gonna grow into in their real(as one of my good friends said) life.

So it IS popular in Turkey?

In the chat room you can see people from all over the world.Unfortunately everyone can go there.

you have to get the young so there is less chance that they will already have been married lol.... but there is only so young a girl can go without getting in to illegalities and beleive me some turkish boys and girls are married even under 16.

Its a shame, because even though these marriages aren't legal, us girls still feel hard done by when you find out that the man of your dreams has been married numerous times.

But we soldier on in search of the good guys!!!

Liz
xxxx

I'm so sorry to hear that... Hang in there dear.