Mumbud i've just read your story and can relate to your situation so much,im glad im not on my own. I met my man when he was working in England,we had 10 lovely months together before he had to return to Turkey for medical reasons and also to see his children.I cant tell you how upset I was when he left,but anyway,we have such feelings for each other that we cant forget or let go,I have tryed.So anyway,im going over to Turkey in 2 weeks to see him for a week,,its going to be so strange at first,haven't seen him for 18 mts,but it's true what you say,it's totally different being on holiday with someone and actually living with them in a completely different country with its unique culture and not speaking the language very well. I also have 2 teenagers who I cant just leave behind,wouldn't want to anyway.

So,we just have to play this waiting game,sometimes it's quite nice to miss someone and dream and imagine....!real life isnt all rosy!

I really hope you make it with your love.

Love will find a way im sure.

hello phil here

i agree that it is nice to miss someone that lives so far away. i live in England and my gf lives in Turkey. But i find it so painful to think that i may never see my gf again. I find it so hard to think positive about my future with her but when i do, i feel as happy as i ever could be. i love her so much.
kiss kiss my angel.

Merhaba everyone,

I am Jing, from the Philippines. I am very new here and thank God I have seen this post here. I have read all your comments and insights about love, trust, jealousy.... and i really enjoyed it. I learned so many things from the views and opinions of each one of you.

You might be wondering why I am here, actually I want to learn Turkish language because my friend (Turkish man) has taught me some words already. I just keep on wanting to learn more. I think there is something that needs to be unveiled... the beauty of the language ... the culture of Turkish people....

While it is true that when you love someone, you are vulnerable to pain... but i am really longing to loving someone and someone loving me so much. You see, i am separated for 5 years now. Of course, I want to be happy and I am looking for someone who would make me happy and inspire everyday.

Would someone advice me then on what to do about my current situation? Turkish man and I have been chatting for around 3 weeks now, and he was so sweet, caring , and seems respectful.. i have now fall in love with him. He wants to visit me here in the Phils. if I will help him with money matters. He wants me to lend him money and he will pay me back when he returns to Turkey. You see, I have two children both studying, i am single and have to pay for many duties, so you would imagine that i am not that rich girl who have lots of money to spend... Now, he is accusing me of not trusting him and that I do not love him ... what do you think? I have explained to him my situation, and he somehow would not want to talk with me. I really wanted to see him and spend time with him, but what can I do? Although I believe also that if he is really in love with me, he would do anything for him to come and not depend on me? right? Do you think he is just playing around with me? Or maybe he is applying reverse psychology on me? Please help...

Hi Jingay,

This money thing is a problem, I had an argument with my man about money, long story but he asked if I would get him a mobile phone as his kept cutting out so I bought the phone. He said that when I visited he would give me the money for the phone. When we met I gave him the phone but he did not offer the money straight away which made me feel suspicious. Later he said he was going to visit some friends, he was gone a very long timem, about six hours. During this time my mind was working overtime thinking all sorts of bad things. As time went by I began to think he was not coming back and I was getting more and more angry, then I had a drink or five which made it worse and I sent a very nasty text message to him accusing him of using me and that he was never going to give me the money for the phone. Eventually he arrived back at the flat and he was very upset with me, saying that I did not trust him and how could I write such nasty things. I tried to explain that in England the papers were full of English women getting ripped of by Turkish men and being left alone and broke. He said he had to go and see his friend who owed him money so he could then give it to me. He explained that if you go visit your friends you are expected to stay for a while and he did not think that being away so long would be a problem.
We both ended up being angry I think because our ways are so different. I suppose my life is built around time, I have to let people know where I am and when I will be back I think Turkish men are more laid back and spending time with other men is expected and women are not involved in that part of their life. The more I learn about Turkish culture the more I realise how hard it could be to live in their society. We made friends again but I explained to him that although he may think that I earn a lot of money compared to people in Turkey the cost of living here in England is much higher so I am not a rich person.

If I were you I would not lend him money, until you are sure, it sounds like you have doubts and like me if something went wrong you would start to imagine all sorts of bad things.

Like all relationships you have to build the trust and it takes a long time. We all have to guard against being hurt and let down by people and sometimes it is difficult to put your trust in someone that you have not know for very long. Also misunderstandings arise when there is a language barrier.

I still have doubts and have to keep being reassured.
If you have no money it is a problem
If you have a lot of money it is a problem as someone always wants it.

Jing:

Hello Jing,
Elisa is right, forget him.This is not right for you at all.Better hurt now than later. Three weeks is not very long period of time.It is not love.Be strong and think about your future and your kids.
Good luck to you

If this man di really love you he would work hard-extra hours extra jobs to get the money to come see you. I think you are lonely and vulnerable at present time. Enjoy chatting with these guys but take time to get to know him better and if he is angsy towards you when you will not send the money then I do not thing he can be a good person.

Jinggay:

I think you know the answer deep down, and you are wanting verification from us to our views.

Please give him a wide berth, he has no respect for you asking for money and he has no dignity as a man.

We have to be careful what goes on behind the smiles, the charm and look at the underlying motives. They do exist believe me!

If you sent him money, you would probably not hear from him again. As he wants you to give him in advance, and pay you back when he returns to Turkey. He is in Turkey so why can't he get it now!

Merhaba,

Thank you guys for all your views. Angela, you are very right that I knew the answer deep down and just wanted verification from anyone. I just want to be sure that forgetting him is the right thing.

As Oludenizdollz wrote, if he really loved me he should work his ass out hard so he could come here and not borrow money from me. That just proves that he only cared and show affection because he has a hidden agenda on me. There is really more essential than a man's good looks and charming ways. We cannot really judge a book by its cover, we really have to read the contents first before we can conclude.

and bliss, you are right, it is better to hurt now than prolong the agony of not trusting him and doubting him although I really cared so much for him. As for me who loved, married, had children, and got separated, it is very hard to fall in love again.

To Elisa and mumbud, thank you very much for the insights. I can now let him go and peacefully continue with my life. I am somehow relieved, and was saved by you.

Somehow, we might be of difeerent culture and origin, but our minds speak. Are we all female here? Mey I know where you live guys? Again, tesekkur cok ederim for the help.

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eyes.

Jing

hi i dont understand why people keep bring turkish men down you do get the bad one (but where dont you) i met a turkish man 2 years ago and we are still together i know he isnt after my money because he has got his own and he isnt intrested in a visa because he doesnt want to live in the uk. maybe i was just lucky hope yous all find the man of your dreams like i did good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with Dani. I know many Turkish men with British partners who have no wish to come to Britain.On the other hand the tourist areas do attract some opportunists.

mere male opinion