I am very interested in all your thoughts about love and Turkish men. Are they faithful. I think it is very hard for men to be totally faithful. Is it being unfaithful when they look at a pretty girl, when their thoughts are distracted by a girl walking past showing lots of her skin. A lot of younger Turkish men work in the tourist industry and there are a many girls (English girls have this reputation)who think nothing of having sex while on holiday, it doesn't matter to them that they do not know these boys. That is not love, I belive that there is more to love than sex. To feel comfortable and relaxed with someone. To sit with them for hours and not need to talk but also to have intelligent conversation.


My man works in the tourist industry and I know he has to flirt with the women(sometimes the men like it to, football talk etc.,)but he comes back to me and tells me the most important thing is that he is faithful. He has the pick of women young and old, especially the older ladies as they feel flattered by his attention. Yes I do get jealous but that is only natural and I do need to be told that he loves me and he is faithful. I am the sort of person that I give myself totally and no matter what I will not be unfaithful.

My man wants me to go and live with him, I do not know yet if I will. There has been no talk of marriage, we have both been married once before, I thought that was for life said I would not get married again. It would be hard for me, he knows I have no money and there would be no house to sell to raise money. We would both have to work very hard and I do not think his family would approve. I would not want him to miss out on his Turkish family life. His sister is getting married very soon, she was only engaged in September, I know he is looking forward to being there. He would miss out on so much because of me.

In the magazines and newspapers here in England there are so many bad stories about Turkish men it is hard to trust them. I know you should not think that all Turkish men are the same. If you have ever been hurt in a relationship, lied to time and time again it is hard to trust. My man said I should not let the past rule my future and he is right but easier said than done.

There I have poured out some of my feelings someone said once: LOVE CONQUERS ALL, I hope so.

That's definately not being unfaithful, but now ive fallen in such a deep love with Kadir, no other seems to be as beautiful as he is. I don't turn around to see the handsome guy that passes the street, because he wont ever be as beautiful as my sweetheart.

Looking at someone and realise he/she is beautiful, is not unfaithfullness, as long as you dont have the intention to do anything. It's like a painting: there's nothing wrong looking at a beautiful painting, but it ís wrong when you look at it and think to yourself "i wanna steal it".

The eye can not stop from seeing, not even love has the power to stop the eye from seeing. But love DOES have the power to stop from wanting things you can not or should not have.

No man or woman who has TRUE and pure love, would cheat. Not a turkish, not a dutch, no one. Because that is what love is, finding EVERYTHING you need in that person and yourself!

I agree to admire beauty is natural and I do not have a problem with just looking, I admire good looking men. If I was chatted up by another man I would be flattered but I could never be unfaithful, firstly I love my man so much my heart is his. When I think about people who are unfaithful they can not truly love their partner surely the guilt would eat away at them and how do they keep secrets.

I was in a relationship for many years (far to many to say)I loved my husband and I was blind to the things he got up to. It was only later when I was confronted by the evidence did I realise how blind I had been. This has made me suspicious and as I said before not helped when placing my trust in someone. I have found a man who loves me for who I am not what I look like, (I am not a skinny young thing)and I will not let my past spoil what I now have which is a lover and a friend.

There I go again once I start its hard to stop.

I find myself needing alot of reassurance from him,I do trust him,partly because he lives in a remote village and is not involved with the tourist industry,and also because of the things he says. I think everyone gets jealous if they're in love,it's human nature.

Konat7:

I think this thread is very interesting. Tourist areas are something else but maybe some men there are exceptions. We can't generalise so much - every person is different. I agree with mumbud that English girls have a reputation I have seen how some behave - it's not nice and I was embarressed.

It is so nice to see there are people out there looking to what is on the inside of a person rather than outside. It is very true that the nicest people are not always beautiful on the outside.

Is it possible to love more than one person openly,honestly and not have any jealousy happen? I think so. But this is a very individual thing. Maybe very few can be like this - I don't know. A lot of times people lie and have affairs or end up in longterm relationships that are not as happy as they could be. Don't get me wrong please - I am against affairs and lies and secrets. Also I am against loose sex for the sake of sex alone. It's too painful and often the innocent partner is the last to know. But there is a third way...not good for everyone I know and very unconventional and sometimes difficult, but sometimes it works very well.

Mumbud mentioned his family would not be happy if they married - this is interesting. Mumbud do you mind if I ask you are they happy for you to be b/f and g/f? I wonder. I get a lot of opposition from my friends family and we are just friends. His father never talks to me - he stands there staring at me and says he hates me even though the man does not know me. He tries hard to intimidate me. I don't understand this - it is strange to me that ones family has so much power even when one is a grown up person.

I wish all of you the best with your loves.

Mumbud mentioned his family would not be happy if they married - this is interesting. Mumbud do you mind if I ask you are they happy for you to be b/f and g/f? I wonder. I get a lot of opposition from my friends family and we are just friends. His father never talks to me - he stands there staring at me and says he hates me even though the man does not know me. He tries hard to intimidate me. I don't understand this - it is strange to me that ones family has so much power even when one is a grown up person

Hi Satorijane, regarding the above, are his parents happy about our relationship? As far as I know they do not know about me. I have met his younger brother and he is happy for us to be together. When I asked if his parents knew about me he said he had not told them as they would not approve, that was sometime ago and I have not mentioned it since. I have three grown up children and they know all about our relationship, they just tel me to be careful and not to do anything stupid (like run off to Turkey to live). I would not go to live there unless I was certain that I could live in another country and be happy. There is a big difference between visiting someone for a few weeks and living with someone. Our lives are very different, I have a good job earning good money and a comfortable life in England, he has a restaurant and never seems to stop working and worrying, if I was there he would have another thing to worry about. I jokingly said once that I would come and work for him, he got upset and said I would not work for him but with him(probably so he doesn't have to pay me, only joking). I miss him very much but to change my whole life for him is to big a decision to make without giving it a lot of thought. I am going to see him in four weeks time, I could not get a flight into the local airport so he is driving 200klms to pick me up from the airport which tells me a lot.

Families can be very strange, my family have always been very open and have had discussions about many things from sex to religion. My father who is now 75 years old decided not to have us children baptised but for us to make the choice ourselves when we were old enough to understand and learn about the many religions of the world. I understand that some families find it difficult to welcome outsiders especially those of a different faiths and cultures. I am happy to be on the outside if it makes life easier for everyone.
It does not matter how old you get you can still feel like a teenager when you find love and it is very scary wondering what you should do making decisions is the hardest thing in life, there is always that little bit of doubt and later the IF ONLY'S

To all have a wonderful day life is short so enjoy and learn from the good and the bad days.

It was interesting reading your posts.

Mumbud thanks for your reply. I am crossing fingers for you that your love will only grow stronger. I agree with you - he sounds serious about you and why not seize the day. Go for it hun!

My friend and I continue to create a unique different friendship despite our obstacles on both sides. I was ready to say that if family came first and my presence made things too difficult better that I walk away - but I was very sad about this.

Without prompting he told me last night, that he won't let his dad be like that to me again - and that if I come to Istanbul he will take me away to another city so that I don't need to face this. I never thought he cared so much. I was very touched. Just proves that we can't be too harsh about our Turkish men because I think the majority of guys are really kind and do care. I feel we should hold onto that - because just like every UK girl is not a wanton slut and exception to the rule - it's the same the other way around.

Best of luck - hope to hear all about your trip - hope you have a GREAT time.

Mumbud i've just read your story and can relate to your situation so much,im glad im not on my own. I met my man when he was working in England,we had 10 lovely months together before he had to return to Turkey for medical reasons and also to see his children.I cant tell you how upset I was when he left,but anyway,we have such feelings for each other that we cant forget or let go,I have tryed.So anyway,im going over to Turkey in 2 weeks to see him for a week,,its going to be so strange at first,haven't seen him for 18 mts,but it's true what you say,it's totally different being on holiday with someone and actually living with them in a completely different country with its unique culture and not speaking the language very well. I also have 2 teenagers who I cant just leave behind,wouldn't want to anyway.

So,we just have to play this waiting game,sometimes it's quite nice to miss someone and dream and imagine....!real life isnt all rosy!

I really hope you make it with your love.

Love will find a way im sure.