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Jokes and riddles
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130.       CANLI
5084 posts
 11 Aug 2008 Mon 05:36 pm

 

Quoting catwoman

 

 

I will sue Disney for spreading lies to children!!! {#lang_emotions_rant}

 

 

 

 lollll...count me in then...

Except for Disney,we wouldnt have Dudu ´s lol

We can make LOTS of money out of that {#lang_emotions_cool} lol

131.       Trudy
7887 posts
 11 Aug 2008 Mon 05:50 pm

 

Quoting catwoman

This is actually a beautiful story, not a joke...

 

Far far away, there was a kingdom where a beautiful, independent and self-confident princess lived. One day, the princess saw a frog sitting on a rock and staring at the crystal-clear pond next to the castle. The frog quickly jumped on the princesses´ knees and said: "Beautiful Lady, I used to be a handsome prince, until one day an evil witch cast a spell on me. Your one kiss will make me a young, swift prince again. Then we will marry and will live with my mother in your castle. There, you will be preparing meals for me, do my laundry, give birth to my children and we will live happily ever after... " That evening, while making supper, spicing it with white wine and preparing an onion-sour cream sauce, the princess, while quietly giggling, thought:

- "I don´t fuc...g think so"

And she kept on rolling over the frying frog legs on the pan.

 

 

 Especially that last sentence..... Hysterically Laughing Hysterically Laughing

 

132.       teaschip
3870 posts
 11 Aug 2008 Mon 10:44 pm

A laugh for Monday!  They glued his flip flops...

 

 

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1501908/flip_flop_glue_prank/

133.       thehandsom
7403 posts
 12 Aug 2008 Tue 02:10 am

How to speak to a Woman and remain..."POLITICALLY CORRECT"

She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She is not HALF NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
She is not KINKY - She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.
She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.
She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She is not LOOSE - She is MORALLY IMPAIRED.

134.       catwoman
8933 posts
 12 Aug 2008 Tue 02:26 am

HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN & BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

He does not have a "beer gut" - he has developed a "liquid grain storage facility"

He is not a "bad dancer" - he is "overly caucasian"

He does not "get lost all the time" - he investigates alternative destinations"

He is not "balding" - he is in "follicle regression"

He is not a "cradle robber" - he prefers "generational differential relationships"

He does not get "falling-down drunk" - he becomes "accidentally horizontal"

He does not act like a "total ass" - he devolops a case of "rectal-cranial inversion"

He is not a "male chauvinist pig" - he has "swine empathy"

He is not afraid of "commitment" - he is "relationship challenged"

He is not "horny" - he is "sexually focused"
It´s not his "crack" you see hanging out of his pants - "its his rear cleavage"

135.       thehandsom
7403 posts
 12 Aug 2008 Tue 02:32 am

The Perfect Couple

 
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.
After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
 
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple were
driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding
road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in
distress.
 
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.  There
stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys.  Not wanting
to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the
perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their
vehicle.  Soon they were driving along delivering the
toys.
 
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the
perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.  Only one
of them survived the accident.
 
Who was the survivor?  (Scroll down for the answer.)

















The perfect woman survived.  She´s the only one who really
existed in the first place.  Everyone knows there is no
Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
 
 
***** Women stop reading here.     *****
***** This is the end of the joke. *****
***** Men keep scrolling.          *****




















So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the
perfect woman must have been driving.  This explains why
there was a car accident.
 
By the way, if you´re a woman and you´re reading this, you
have illustrated another important point: women never
listen either.

136.       catwoman
8933 posts
 12 Aug 2008 Tue 03:07 am

How to talk to a man - five secrets every woman should know!

 

1. You cannot talk to men the way you talk to other women.

SECRET #1: Don’t approach men for conversation when they are not in an approach mode. Give them time and opportunity to be able to listen to you. They want to be there for you and give you what you need, but you have to understand that they need to have distractions removed, time to focus on the conversation, and a clear and defined understanding of what you want from them.


2. Men have been programmed for centuries to take care of the family.

SECRET #2: Don’t misinterpret the silent male or underestimate how much you mean to him. He is highly vulnerable to you.


3. Men do not heal from emotional wounds as well as women do.

SECRET #3: You give meaning to your guy’s life. You matter far more to him than either of you realize. Be careful and kind with your words.


4. Men relate to other people better by doing activities with them.

SECRET #4: Find at least one activity that you both have a passion for and do it together. This strengthens your bond and gives him a sense of success.


5. Men love routine.

SECRET #5: Build some loving routines together. You might think that you are both just wordlessly watching TV, while he might see that activity as part of your togetherness. Predictable patterns in your relationship keep him grounded.

 

{#lang_emotions_lol}{#lang_emotions_lol}{#lang_emotions_lol}

137.       Trudy
7887 posts
 12 Aug 2008 Tue 09:16 am

The truth.....:

 

138.       catwoman
8933 posts
 12 Aug 2008 Tue 09:30 am

The truth is this Trudy, not what you posted.

 

lazy men cartoons, lazy men cartoon, lazy men picture, lazy men pictures, lazy men image, lazy men images, lazy men illustration, lazy men illustrations

139.       catwoman
8933 posts
 19 Aug 2008 Tue 07:42 pm

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ´Good morning, Ma´am. What are you doing?´

´
Reading a book,´ she replies, (thinking, ´Isn´t that obvious?´
´You´re in a Restricted Fishing Area,´ he informs her
´I´m sorry, officer, but I´m not fishing. I´m reading´
´Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.  I´ll have to take you in and write
you up.´
´For reading a book?´ she replies.
´Yes, ´ he answers.
´If you do that, I´ll have to charge you with sexual assault,´ says the woman..
´But I haven´t even touched you,´ says the game warden.
´That´s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.´
´Have a nice day ma´am,´ and he left.

140.       Trudy
7887 posts
 30 Aug 2008 Sat 10:31 am

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