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Jokes and riddles
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200.       girleegirl
5065 posts
 13 Nov 2008 Thu 03:05 am

 

Quoting lady in red

Women are clever, evil people. Don´t mess with them.

 

 {#lang_emotions_ninja}

201.       lesluv
722 posts
 14 Nov 2008 Fri 01:14 am



2 monkeys in a bath.

The first monkey says "oo oo ah ah"

The second monkey says "well put some cold in then"


{#lang_emotions_bigsmile}

202.       lady in red
6947 posts
 14 Nov 2008 Fri 09:45 am

 

Quoting lesluv

2 monkeys in a bath.

The first monkey says "oo oo ah ah"

The second monkey says "well put some cold in then"

{#lang_emotions_bigsmile}

 

 You´re not supposed to open the crackers before Christmas!!!  {#lang_emotions_laugh_at}

203.       Daydreamer
3743 posts
 14 Nov 2008 Fri 11:50 am

How contraceptive pills work:

 

1. Women take pills and urinating they pass contraceptives into gutter systems

2. Frogs absorb water with contraceptives and canot breed

3. Storks have no frogs to eat and die

4. No storks means no one to bring children

204.       lesluv
722 posts
 14 Nov 2008 Fri 01:16 pm

 

Quoting lady in red

 You´re not supposed to open the crackers before Christmas!!!  {#lang_emotions_laugh_at}

 

 I know but all the other jokes are too rude to put on here

205.       Trudy
7887 posts
 14 Nov 2008 Fri 09:20 pm

Two friends in the town of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada were just fed up with the long, harsh winter, so they went to a travel agent and booked a trip to Australia. They arrived in Australia still wearing their down jackets, wool hats and snow boots. They wandered into an airport pub and sat down. The locals wondered about these strangers, so one of the Aussies walked over to the visitors and said, "G´day, mates. Where´er you from?" One of the Canadians replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan". The Aussie nodded his head in acknowledgement and returned to his table where his buddies asked, "So where are they from?" "Don´t know," replied the Aussie. "They don´t speak English."

206.       lesluv
722 posts
 15 Nov 2008 Sat 10:17 am

A young couple were making passionate love in a van. Suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out, ´Oh, big boy, whip me, whip me!´

The guy, in a flash of inspiration, opens the window and snaps the aerial off his van. He then proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sadomasochistic ecstasy.

About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, ´Did you get these marks having sex?´

The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, ´I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring you´ve got the worst case of van aerial disease that I´ve ever seen!´

 

207.       lady in red
6947 posts
 15 Nov 2008 Sat 10:45 am

 

Quoting lesluv

A young couple were making passionate love in a van. Suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out, ´Oh, big boy, whip me, whip me!´

The guy, in a flash of inspiration, opens the window and snaps the aerial off his van. He then proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in sadomasochistic ecstasy.

About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, ´Did you get these marks having sex?´

The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, ´I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring you´ve got the worst case of van aerial disease that I´ve ever seen!´

 

  lol lol lol - that made me laugh out loud! {#lang_emotions_flowers}

 

208.       Daydreamer
3743 posts
 15 Nov 2008 Sat 12:30 pm

A gentleman in his forties complained to his wife that their sex life had become a tad dull and suggested that they should try to spice it up a bit. He suggested that the wife should moan during climax. So one night they´re having sex and the wife asks

- Honey, should I start moaning yet?

- Hold on for a bit more - answers the husband

A few minutes pass and the husband says

- Ok, now, moan, moan!

- Oh my God, the installments of our bank loan went up, kids need new shoes and I have been wearing the same coat for the last three years

lol

209.       libralady
5152 posts
 16 Nov 2008 Sun 01:07 pm

When Grandma went to court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren´t prepared for the answer.  In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ´Mrs. Jones, do you know me?´ She responded, ´Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I´ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you´ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you´re a big shot when you haven´t the brains to realize you´ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.´

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ´Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?´
She again replied, ´Why yes, I do. I´ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He´s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can´t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.´

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ´If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I´ll send you both to the electric chair.´

210.       alameda
3499 posts
 16 Nov 2008 Sun 06:34 pm

 

Quoting libralady

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ´If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I´ll send you both to the electric chair.´

 

Priceless....be careful what you ask for....

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