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Jokes and riddles
(518 Messages in 52 pages - View all)
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480.       thehandsom
7403 posts
 03 Aug 2010 Tue 09:09 pm

 

Quoting Elisabeth

 

 

You could never tell this joke if you were ACTUALLY IN TEXAS!!  {#emotions_dlg.lol_fast}

 

Dont be so sure!!!

I am adding ´crack "Inspired Texan!!" joke in front of Texas State Capitol building´  into my "list of things to do before I die" lol

 

 



Edited (8/3/2010) by thehandsom

481.       Elisabeth
5732 posts
 03 Aug 2010 Tue 10:02 pm

 

Quoting thehandsom

 

 

Dont be so sure!!!

I am adding ´crack "Inspired Texan!!" joke in front of Texas State Capitol building´  into my "list of things to do before I die" lol

 

 

 Put this on your list of things to do "moments before" you die!  lol {#emotions_dlg.lol_fast}

 

alameda liked this message
482.       si++
3785 posts
 04 Aug 2010 Wed 08:50 am

Tommy enters the confessional box and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the woman you were with?"

"Sure and I can´t be tellin´ you, Father. I don´t want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I´m sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O´Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I´ll never tell."

"Was it Liz Shannon?"

"I´m sorry, but I´ll not name her."

"Was it Cathy Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration.

"You´re a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you´ve sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew.

His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What´d you get?"

"Five good leads," says Tommy.

lemon liked this message
483.       lemon
1374 posts
 04 Aug 2010 Wed 06:36 pm

Si--

this is how it works in the Catholic Church {#emotions_dlg.lol_fast}

484.       si++
3785 posts
 05 Aug 2010 Thu 08:39 am

 

Quoting lemon

Si++

this is how it works in the Catholic Church {#emotions_dlg.lol_fast}

 

Apperantly you have an insight! Are you Catholic?

485.       lemon
1374 posts
 05 Aug 2010 Thu 12:29 pm

 

Quoting si--

Apperantly you have an insight! Are you Catholic?

 

Si--

I know many things re: christianity and fake christianity. Cool  Roman Catholic Church is the fake church. This church is widely respected and accepted in the whole world, even in the strictly islamic countries there are religious buildings co-existing next to each other on the same streets.

One day all these fake churches and fake religions will get destroyed by the Almighty. Their idols, their works of art will be burnt down like Sodomah and Gomorrah.

This is offtop now. If have questions ask in a different thread. This thread is for fun only.

486.       thehandsom
7403 posts
 05 Aug 2010 Thu 12:49 pm

Highlanders and their sheep!!

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary aboutthe way of life there.

REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I´m from the BBC and I´m gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you? 

SCOTSMAN: Certainly... 

REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name? 

SCOTSMAN: Well now there´s a story. Y´know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don´t. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don´t. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don´t. But, I tell you, a moment´s weakness with just ONE sheep ....

487.       si++
3785 posts
 05 Aug 2010 Thu 12:58 pm

 

Quoting lemon

 

 

Si++

I know many things re: christianity and fake christianity. Cool  Roman Catholic Church is the fake church. This church is widely respected and accepted in the whole world, even in the strictly islamic countries there are religious buildings co-existing next to each other on the same streets.

One day all these fake churches and fake religions will get destroyed by the Almighty. Their idols, their works of art will be burnt down like Sodomah and Gomorrah. So you think Cristianity is a fake religion. (??) So you are not Catholic.

This is offtop now. If have questions ask in a different thread. This thread is for fun only.OK. No more questions.

 

 

488.       si++
3785 posts
 06 Aug 2010 Fri 11:40 am

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly
across the street from a whore house.

They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the
house.

"Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those
Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!".   They
both shook their heads and continued working.

A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously
and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking.

"Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing
holy to those Jewish Rabbis? I just can´t understand what the world is
coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the
flesh. ´Tis a shame, I tell ya!".

Not much later a third man, a Catholic Priest, was lurking about the
house, looking around to see if any one was watching, then quietly
sneaking in.

"Oh no, Darby, look!" said Pat, removing his cap, "One of the poor girls
musta died."

lemon liked this message
489.       thehandsom
7403 posts
 06 Aug 2010 Fri 02:27 pm

Who Invented Sex?

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. 

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon" 

The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum" 

The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians" 

The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire"...

and so on and so on and then 

the Greek says: "We invented sex"

The Italian says "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

Daydreamer and lemon liked this message
490.       lemon
1374 posts
 06 Aug 2010 Fri 02:52 pm

 

Quoting thehandsom

 

Who Invented Sex?

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. 

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon" 

The Italian says, "We have the Colosseum" 

The Greek says "We had great Mathematicians" 

The Italian says "We had the Roman Empire"...

and so on and so on and then 

the Greek says: "We invented sex"

The Italian says "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

 

 

I knew that Turks were the inventors of sex {#emotions_dlg.razz}  Statistics of translations stand for it. {#emotions_dlg.whistle}

 

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