OMG, I stumbled on this video and I'm LMAO!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8cN2pB3MCE

OMG I don't know whether to laugh or cry!! That reporter is hysterical...and very brave.
But to know that there are freaks out there in the world like those protesters.....makes my stomach turn.

Have you noticed that the aggressive "Go away pervert" people were ladies? The guy somehow ran away instead of confronting the reporter Yet, it's sick that people like Westboro Baptists exist...

I had never heard of this sect yet, but it is DİSGUSTİNG! Been youtubing around a bit, and they even let 7 year old children carry protestos that shows sex in doggy position (well through the backdoor) saying they hate Sweden!!! How sick is that! Im totally shocked.

This Westboro church has (I think) only 100 members, 80% of which is the family of the founders, so I haven't heard of them either. But it's completely unbelievable that anybody can get this insane, even people on Fox News called them 'nuts' and 'insane', which is quite an achievement! Someone commented under another video of this church saying "I can't believe I agree with the Fox news nutheads for once"

Hilaaaarioooouuuuuuuuusssssssss!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJX2RqSij5Y



(with special dedication to DD )

hahahahaha .. oh how their outlook would change if that really did happen!!!

Today is the anniversary of the death of a famous Turkish Sea Captain after whom the town we live in was named. A Turkish friend rang us this morning and said 'come down to the harbour, there are 2 Turkish frigates anchored off the coast and they are running boats out so you can visit them'. Hmm - makes a change from the internet - I thought so off we trotted to the harbour and joined the queue for the first boat. 'Seems to be mostly Turks here' said my husband' 'not that unusual as we are in Turkey' I replied wittily. At that point a Turkish naval officer approaced us and said 'Excuse me would you please leave the line' 'Neden?' I said (hoping he wouldn't launch into a great explanation in Turkish). 'I have to check with my superior officer if we can allow foreigners on the ship' 'Okaaaaay - we will go to that bar and wait' 'Thank you'. We sat in the bar and watched while over the next 20 minutes he turned away around a dozen 'foreigners' so we assumed 'permission to board' for foreigners was not an option! But it did make me laugh because obviously the threat of ageing ex-pat spies is alive and well here! Now where did I put that kalishnikov..........????

frasier.... I watch it every morning, what a nice way to start the day

Another Panda Sneezing!!!

so funny

Panda Sneeze 2

Daydreamer!!

this video always make me laugh... makes me think of how my kids were when they were younger... not

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk

Nothing.

Evil baby Charlie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM

Man's brain vs woman's brain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKveOsIieHg

I liked the "nothing box" in man's brain

This definitely made me laugh

a few days ago, I made an airline reservation (yes!! Turkey ). Since I had a couple of questions,I logged in their website a few mins ago. They have this "chat assistance" so I asked for the phone number so I could contact them directly..and the rep. gave me this 888 number. I dialed the # given and out of the sudden I hear a sexy voice saying:

"thank you for calling the HOT line, where our beautiful and sexy girls with delight you"

It was to much for me so I hung up immediately after the so nice greeting then I checked the number I had dialed…. to my surprise… I dialed 800 instead of 888…gosh..where is my mind?? .

If anyone is interested in the number I could happily PM it

nice chats of 3 good friends,charm of Turkish falks songs and jot of 4 glasses Turkish raki

INSTALLING A HUSBAND 

Dear Tech Support, 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 t o Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0  and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. 

What can I do? 

Signed, 
Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE, 

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. 

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the  Guilt 3.0 update. 

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0  should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. 

However, remember, o veruse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to  Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. 

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. 

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) 

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and   Hot Lingerie 7.7. 

Good Luck Babe! 
Tech Support

 Oh oh, what will all the men here say?

Bloopers in letters to government agencies:

 Funny Letters to Government Agencies

1. Dear Sirs, please stop my assistance since I got a job begging in October

2. I am writing the Welfare Dept. to say that my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money?

3. Mrs. Jones has not had any clothing for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

4. I cannot get sick pay. I have had 6 children. Can you tell me why?

5. I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is dead.

6. This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?

7. Please find for certain if my husband is dead, as the man I am living with can’t do a thing until he knows.

8. I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my boy as illiterate. This is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born.

9. In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

10. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children, one of which was a mistake as you can see.

11. Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

12. My husband got laid off from his job 2 weeks ago, and I haven’t had any relief since.

13. You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?

14. I have no children yet as my husband is a bus driver and works night and day.

15. In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

16. I want my money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with a doctor for 2 weeks and he hasn’t done me any good. If things don’t improve I will have to send for another doctor.

(In response to the question, “Why have you applied for public assistance?&rdquo My husband left me last month and I am in need of ass

More funny stuff: http://www.innocentenglish.com/

The message: The thread is locked and will be deleted in 24 hours.

regarding one of my posts : http://www.turkishclass.com/forumTitle_33845

A message like that does not make me laugh, it makes me wanting to cry. Freedom of speech? Freedom of press? Yes, but only if one say things that others like to hear. Apparently the word ´freedom´ does not have the same meaning to all. What a pity.

THis is awesone really!!!

ills end it to allllll myfriends

Mine was a sarcatic laugh though. In reality, i find ´trying to slience people with cencorship´ pathetic in reality.

HAHAHA OMG!! read this!!!

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold..and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah . It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants downand started. In the deep snow, she didn´t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic, and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing, however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car´s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date´s concerns about ´what is taking so long´ with a reply that indeed, she was ´freezing her butt off´ and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal. Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be ´pants down.´ And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno´s comment...´This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.´

Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

PETER KAY´S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

SOME GREAT QUESTIONS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PETER KAY

Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

Why can´t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ´My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic´?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does mineral water that ´has trickled through mountains for centuries have a ´use by´ date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ´I think I´llsqueeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out´?

What do people in China call their good quality plates?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don´t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

What do you call male ballerinas?

Why is a person that handles your money called a ´Broker´?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.

Makes ou think, doesnt it??

                                Hazardous materials data sheet

Element>>>>> woman

Discoverer>>>Adam

Atomic Mass >>>> Accepted as 55 kg but known to vary from 45kg to 225 kg

Physical properties

1- Body surface usually covered with film of powders and paint

2-Boils at absoloutley nothing-freezes for no aparent reason

3-Found in various grades ranging from virgin materil to common ore

Chemical properties

1-Reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious stones

2-Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning

3-The most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common Use

1-Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars

2-Can greatly aid relaxation

3-Can be very effective cleaning agent

Hazards

1-Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen

2-Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact

Hows that for a chemistry lesson??

Thanks doudi - I needed a good laugh!

Topics which shall not be named...

Yes! We can hover again!

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when a tall, exceptionally handsome, man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her and whispered to her, ´I´ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...... On  one condition´

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition Was. The man replied, ´You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.´

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, And then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, Which she pressed into the man´s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said....

´Clean my house.´

For you bed amerikens

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=i0qB-F6HqME

This made you laugh Trudy?

Of course. Being able to keep an eye on all the ´sneaky´ plans of you mods and admins makes me laugh. It exactly fits into Elisabeth´s plan.....

well Trudy, that option will be soon disabled and I will be laughing last!

 Why?!!!!!!!!!

It is by far the best way to spot a spammer...

 Whatever happened to the days where you were all hopped up on catnip and left us alone????

You mean... "why will I be laughing"?

 What? Misusing admins power? Tsssssss.....

Well... I am sick of that same catnip you keep on buying me over and over at that discount store! Even your carpet tastes better!

That´s what I do when I get bored!

 Someone is calling you to play wordscraper....

OK! (be right back guys.... )

 Dont hurry on our account

 Please take ALL the time you need.....

Well, you must have been kidding, cause still nobody made their move yet! I have no idea what these people are doing...

 Living their lives?

 Kidding? Me? I wouldn´t dare. I´m sure I saw people asking for you. You better check again (and again and again.....)

I am doing that....

 NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Don´t take away the simple pleasures! 

 Oh please, don´t tell me you´re one of those catnip connoisseurs.  You don´t deserve much better than a carpet anyway, you fat cat!

Did you all see this?! Me fat!? Me don´t deserve more then a carpet?!? Lis canim.... your days are being counted!!!

 Oh kitty, you wouldn´t know what to do without me teasing everyone!!  Our more serious members will loose all hope of ever gaining a sense of humor!!!

 Are you also being threatened, Elisabeth?

(BTW how many lives does a cat have?   )

Are you threatening me Trudy? Go ahead and start a game on facebook, we´ll see if you can live up to the threat!

 Sorry, I only play games of real high level.

Il tell you what made me laugh today!

me thinking all day long that toda y is sunday!

and embarassingmyself so much!!!!

You van watch the show here lol :

http://www.turkishclass.com/forumTitle_34410_2

man how embarassinG!

its all because i didnt go to school today!

when i dont i have no idea what the dtae or day is!

like in the summer

This....................

 hee hee the throwing children ha ha

I was talking to a colleague who´s husband has a tumor on his head. She was explaining to me that her husband will have surgery next week to remove it and they will take a skin graff.  She recommended to the doctors to take it off his butt.  It would be very suiting for him, since she refers to him as butt head anyways.

mmmmmm........diving into the pool this morning and then realising that my bikini was not as tight as it could have been...... oh how i laughed.....not!

Ah i know!! i ahte it when taht happens !!!!!

I NEVER laugh!!!

(but soem other family membersdo {if theyre theer } !!!!!!)

 But on the upside....at least you weren´t too big for it!!

(BTW are you rich with your own pool or are you on your hols? )

 i would love to say yes to both ....being rich enough to have my own pool and being on holiday but alas no......the public pool just makes the whole situation that bit more embarassing thankfully it was ladies only.....apart from the guards!!! mwahaha

This picture:

Couldn´t agree more!

The mental image I just had of Meltem signing off in disgust at my posts and sitting down with a sigh in her easy chair in the Moderators Executive Lounge, with a coffee and cigarette ....

 Hahaha your mental is sick. Your brain has created such an image in order to comfort you. In fact it is you who were disgusted by your posts

And

SMOKING IS NOT HEALTHY.

That I just responded to a post in which the user has requested to be deleted.  I can´t keep up with you war train, Aenigma..who ever the hell you are today.

Latest nickname is TheAenigma... I think...

 No mention of hell please, it will upset the atheists here.  They are in denial, as you know, as they get older they become atheists in the vain hope the self fulfilling prophecy theory will work and they won´t get burned

 Haha!  A wooden box and hole in the ground or a hot oven, that is the reality, no one is waiting at some sparkling gate for your arrival or a bubbling inferno!  Unless you know something different of course 

Athiests in denial?

If you look at the "evidence" of God´s existence I think you will find that it is not atheists who are in denial

 You missed a couple of words! 

 No .... I put evidence in quotation marks to highlight that it was a sarcasm....

They are NOT waiting for my arrival at a sparkling gate? So all my efforts are in vain then?

 What efforts?    Show me the evidence

 Well, maybe they are not waiting for you!  Cats don´t go to heaven, anyway!

Wasn´t LL talking about hell, not heaven?

Fortunately, the less evidence the better...

 I was saying, unless someone can prove me otherwise, neither exist, only in ones mind!   

The sparkling gate that you mentioned -- was it referring to hell or heaven?

 but dogs on the other hand...

new treatment for man flu.......mwahaha pmsl

http://scienceblogs.com/neurotopia/2008/09/screw_the_sudafed_when_your_no.php

as if they need an excuse!!!!

My md, asking me to go to you porn . com and  check how the mouse over function works..(Because he wants the same functionality)

Now I am officially allowed to visit that site...

 for medicinal purposes....i´m assuming

This is the best wedding video EVER

(I dont know if it is real or not, but who cares, its great! )

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=IwaJgz_CKmw

 heh heh funny......

reminded me of this one....

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ImBaVm7K6Do

Hehehe reminded me of THIS one

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=OPmYbP0F4Zw&feature=related

heh heh doesn´t that groom just love himself

 Heheh yessssssss!

But at least he can dance. Unlike this one  (but it is soooooooo sweet)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYhlm9GTAQ0

 spew.....get me a bucket......

 I second that.....

Someone has sent me an sms message by mistake:

´hello my lovely lady, i was thinking of you..i had a great time last week..we should do bo kai thing again..xxxx´

I am still thinking how to reply..

 You should reply:

Dear Hot Stuff....I am so touched that you could look passed all the hair!  I am off to get a wax now.....kisses!!

Quoting Daydreamer

Have you noticed that the aggressive "Go away pervert" people were ladies? The guy somehow ran away instead of confronting the reporter Yet, it´s sick that people like Westboro Baptists exist...

 we say that mothers and daughter hurt each other more than fathers and sons...

and it is really true

Thanks for the help Lis..

But what is this  ´bo kai´ thing? I think  it is a position  in kama sutra.

 I don´t know.....I was hoping someone could enlighten me!  It does sound a little kinky!

When you quote a post of L O LDiana, it immediately translates to within the quote!

It speaks for itself Id say

 It only seems kinky the first time is what they say!

 How about:  Hello there...I was thinking about you too.  Last weekend was interesting I was shocked no less to see that some things do come in small packages.  I also enjoyed the Tom Kai Gui.  Maybe next time we try the Tom Kai Phak.  Enjoy your Day!

bullocks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0a06gsiF4&feature=related

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=uMhMA8GlPUw

this is funny!!! fill yer boots

So evil!

This.....

http://www.turkishclass.com/forumTitle_35273_0

 It made me laugh too!  I am sure the mods will delete it just as soon as they find out we are having a good laugh over it!

DK laughed too!!

 Just wait till the other mods read it.....

 Yes, but she is one of us!

Hooray for DK !!

Islam vs Christianity (which is right?)

 I´m surprised the poster isnt so embarassaed that she (or he ) deletes it immediately!

 Maybe the poster is proud of it??? 

A shout out to my fellow amerikans (the super bed ones...you know who you are)

Dear Red States...

We´ve decided we´re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we´re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren´t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. You get Sara Palin and Ralph Reed.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get the world´s largest ball of twine. We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WalMart. We get Harvard. You get Liberty University. We get 85 percent of America´s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition´s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we´re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they´re apparently willing to send to their deaths and they don´t care if you don´t show pictures of their children´s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we´re not willing to spend any more of our resources on it.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country´s fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation´s fresh fruit, 95% of America´s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Berkeley, UCLA, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, and 100% percent of all televangelists, plus Rush Limbaugh.

We get Hollywood, Broadway, Big Sur, The Great Lakes and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we´re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and still 61 % believe you are people with the higher morals – which must mean you don’t get “the new math”.

By the way, we´re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico .

Peace out, Blue States

If I´m bed or not I leave to you to decide but I sure am not American, so help me out please cause I don´t know: what´s the color of the TC-Americans? Elisabeth, Teaschip, Alameda, yourself and others? (I need to know in case sympathy is asked.....   )

 Red states are those that lean to the political dark side....states that tend to vote Republican in National elections (teas, lisa). 

Blue states are for those who are enlightened ......with Democratic tendencies (me!!!). 

 Thanks.

The video of the little Yaman: Ýdare edemem anne!!!! I cannot manage mom!!!

mom: Hayýr Yaman, aç yatacaksýn. O þekerle artýk idare edersin bu gece.

          No, Yaman, you will sleep hungry. Tonight you´ll manage with this candy.

Yaman: Hayýr, idare edemem, anne, idare edemem!!! Ühühühühü

            No, I cannot manage, mom, I cannot!!!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHJMP-G8r38&feature=rec-fresh

This video is made for all those who cannot manage anymore (with the salaries, with the promises and all...)

 The poster doesn´t understand it

 Maybe you can draw her a picture, LIR, helping to understand.....

 Nah....I´ll send her a pm

RULES FOR MEN

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss´s car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

4. If you´ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

5. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate´s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate´s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy´s choice.

7. In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who´s playing.

9. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she´s officially your girlfriend.

10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you´re sunning on a tropical beach ... and it´s delivered by a topless model and only when it´s free.

11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12. Unless you´re in prison, never fight naked.

13. Friends don´t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

14. If a man´s fly is open, that´s his problem, you didn´t see anything.

15. Women who claim they ´love to watch sports´ must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sobre enough to fight.

17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that´s just greedy.

18. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

19. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly ´just a friend´ have carnal, drunken sex. The fact that you´re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

20. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

21. Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, yellow, orange or sky blue.

22. The girl who replies to the question ´What do you want for Christmas?´ with ´If you loved me, you´d know what I want!´ gets an Xbox 360 or a Playstation 3 - End of story.

23. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men´s Gymnastics. Ever.

24. We´ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

´GUTS´ is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, ´are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?´

´BALLS´ is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the arse and having the balls to say, ´You´re next fatty!´

I hope this clears up any confusion

Shouldn´t that be EX-girlfriend???? 

That´s me!! 

Palin pranked by "Sarkozy"  ..........  

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/us_elections_2008/7704673.stm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8kSoR22C64

 Yes, quite a revalation wasn´t she, did ol´ Oven Chips a lot of good

aw this made me giggle this morning

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzRH3iTQPrk

I´m sure thehandsom posted this a while back - careful, he will be accusing you of not reading his posts!! 

(still funny though )

 but there is just sooo many and sometimes it´s hard to seperate the wheat from the chaff

Do you know what Palin is? She´s an ignorant lady that brags about it! I dont understand NTHG! UHYUCK!Im just a stupid hockey mom! Just like you! Tahst why i should be vice presidnt! I dont know nthg bout politics ive got kids! just like u! I ahve ur same qualifications! why dotn we all run for president!

 Could you please spell NOTHING fully There is no need for such abbrevations here and many members find it annoying to read them. Please try to speak and write in a clear and complete way, as there are enough members who are not fluent.

And I dont believe she is stupid. But ignorant and unfit for the job she might have gotten? YES.

 Could you PLEASE spell THERE properly!!!  

omg, im so sorry really.... really i am, i ahd no idea it was annoying..

its a bad habit!

ill try from now on

so sorry everybody, i thougth anyway taht nobody ever took notice of my posts, but i just like to say my opinion in evrything and i dont care if anybody reasd them or not and you´re right, she isnt stupid, shes just ignorant

again sorry!!!

Don´t you DARE apologise to those bossy mods

They might get ideas above their station ....

 And here you do it again Ok we all make typos and hasty mistakes, but I suppose youre the number 1 member doing it And yes its rather annoying to read so many members will be very grateful if you could be a little more careful.

And just go on giving your opinion about everything, Im sure there are enough people that take notice of your posts

 You were too late with your warning Im afraid Or people just stopped listening to you

Awwwwww I know what you are saying DK, but I get very uneasy when non-English speakers are criticised for their writing.  I think most people DO understand Doudi´s posts don´t they?

Anyway....just my opinon....even though people don´t listen to me....just you....  

AGAIN??

okay now ill cry!

i dont care if people take notice of my posts or not, cause i dont care what poeple think really...if they read them or not its not my business..anyway, didnt know i was so hated by so many people on this site,, ive always felt taht no idea why! My "virtual life"(at least on this site) sucks!

anyway, sorry...

 You are not hated on this site Doudi - and frankly, some of those posts criticising you are starting to sound unnecssary and even bullying.

 Actually I thought Doudi grew up in the US or something, not sure about that one. I am a non-English speaker myself, and I do not mind being criticised for my writing. I understand Doudi´s posts and many others do as well, but that doesnt make it less annoying and tiring reading them. I dont ask anyone to write perfect and proper English, I would be the last to ask since Im a non-native speaker as well, but I find it perfectly normal for everybody to check their writing before they send it. Its not a speedcompetition

Thanks Aenigma, but really if im that annoying ill stop, just tell me, mt presence wont make a difference, maybe we should have a vote?

 Oh please, behave. Your virtual life sucks but you do not care what other people think really?

I didnt mean it to be bullying and nobody says they hate you (and if they would you just said you dont care anyway , I just asked you to be careful on your spelling. You say that you are paying attention to it, but just read the above you wrote

 You always have a frank opinion Aenigma.  If Doudi feels she is being bullied she should say so. I haven´t read so many posts criticising her to be honest, I remember I said something about it myself but that has been a long time ago. I just noticed it again, and really, it took me a double read to understand what nthg was.

 Doudi darling your age is showing

I don´t think many people would have a problem with your writing if it weren´t for the fact that you have repeatedly told us all that your typos are simply a matter of your laziness.  

what do you mean my age is showing? Wrinkles?