I agree with this.  I don´t think men are as strong as women. They seem to need someone to move on to before leaving a relationship.  My friend calls them pram hoppers.

Has nothing to do with strength, it´s pure convenience.

JKK, if you feel you have tried to make your marriage work and all to no avail, staying with your wife only for the sake of children is a bad choice. Your wife deserves respect and your being honest with her. If i learnt that my husband is with me only because of children, it would be worse to bear than learning he wants to divorce me. People change and 15 years is a long time, it does happen that two people do not progrress at the same pace and, in effect, they can´t keep up with each other. That´s life.

Good luck

 Doudi - you amaze me!

 IYO    

 Many women (and men) stay in unhappy marriages because they don´t have the self belief/strength of mind/confidence to make a new life for themselves alone.  IMO, although still a difficult decision for many, leaving a marriage for another partner is an easier option/better incentive, although I don´t think the majority of people deliberately stay in an unhappy marriage until someone better comes along.

Of course I do believe it needs a great deal of work , from both parties, to make their marriage work and I´m not advocating people walk away at the first sign of trouble - generally speaking that is, because there are always some incidents that should never be tolerated within a marriage.

There are so many scenarios, but in JKK´s case, I wonder if he realised his marriage was unhappy before or after he met the Turkish lady.  Perhaps he went looking for someone else because he was unhappy. Perhaps, in the first place, he escaped onto the internet in order to blank out his unhappiness.  I think there are many who enter into flirtatious liaison´s with people on the net, via chatrooms and even sites like this one.  This may seem harmless enough in itself, but this escapism doesn´t encourage dialogue between the married couple (where mutual decisions, in whatever direction, can be made).  I don´t remember how JKK met his Turkish lady btw.

Human nature is so diverse and unpredictable.

Yes, it does sound that way. When one in a marriage things have a tendency to get hum drum. Meeting a thrilling new person can easily spark feelings of being "in love". The spouse can seem dowdy and dull in comparison. It´s easy to feel the new found love is "IT". However, most everything looses it´s sparkle after being confronted with daily life after time.


I think marriage is sacred and should not be dissolved easily. Certainly after having children and such a long time and at the time of live he is writing about, it looks suspicious. It is a well documented fact that around that age men often try to recapture their youth with a new model. It´s called the "mid-age crisis". Of course, this type of behavior is not limited to men.

Although you can get divorced, once you have children, you never really are divorced from the other parent. You are bound to them forever, like it or not. You will see so much of the other parent in your children.

Of course, there are times divorce is recommended, but I think these days it is resorted to much too quickly. What is to say in a few years he won´t fall in love with another newer model?

What does love mean? It sounds like what he is writing about here is that sort of teenage love. Being in a marriage for a long time (which is what one is supposed to do) demands constant work. It is one of the most difficult things to be a success at.

I know more than a few couples who have been together for a long time. In talking with them, they report that there were times they wanted to, or almost gave up, but they worked on their relationship instead of giving up and starting over. Most the times we bring the same baggage with us and end up in the same place when hitting the same road blocks.

I would not have written what I did had he not written what he did.

"I must say littlebit of myself,Im 40 years old man and have seen everything in my life.

very bad things and good times. I have 2 children boy 5 years and girl 13 years. Im in marriage now but I dont know what to do because im in loved in turkish lady!"

As well as mid life crises suffered by many men and women, there is also the "7 year itch" which can affect either spouse.  Seems JKK has a 15 year itch.

How do you know??? You haven´t cheated yet right? So you say? How do you know you are in love with her, how much time have you spent? Even married people are attracted to others, its not acting on it that makes you loyal, do you think your wife has never been attracted to another man, or another man to her???

Your talking divorce because of another woman. Not the other way around. Everyone gets sick of one another at times, and its completely normal to picture yourself in another life, but to assume this is the "woman of your LIFE". Thats sort of jumping the gun.

Get a divorce first, then decide that. It´s selfish to decide that while still in a marriage. I hope your wife finds the "man of her LIFE" very soon!

Why is everyone giving this guy a hard time? 

I think JKK is very brave to write this story on here and I for one hope he finds the answers.

A hard time? How so? He´s asking for advice, mine is divorce first then be with the woman? How is that giving someone a hard time? If yours is different then that post it. I don´t see how that is being mean at all. If you would rather hear your husband is in love with someone else so he wants to leave you rather then he wants to move on because things aren´t working out you are entitled to to feel that way.

I don´t see how urging someone not to cheat is giving someone a hard time?

Ironically, of all resources why have you chosen TLC for feedback and advise?