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Adventures of a Young DuDu - episode 5
Our hero rubbed a little more lotion on his legs and thighs, while making sure that there were no prying eyes on any of the balconies surrounding his terrace. Living on the top floor of an old, stone apartment building, he often took the liberty of exposing himself to the warm rays of the sun, wearing his favorite g-sting for maximum exposure. He truly loved his two-bedroom home, and the roof-top terrace that had come with it. Such a large and private space, which was something rather rare in Istanbul, allowed him the luxury of having beautiful plants, as well as a small veggie section, where he cultivated organic tomatoes & cucumbers for a healthier lifestyle.
Lately though, he had been having serious trouble with the urban wild life. A nasty group of street cats had found a way to hop onto his terrace from the adjacent roofs,and had claimed our hero´s personal haven as their new mating ground. While deliberately tipping over his flower pots, they would often hold swinger parties right in front of the glass sliding door of his living room, provoking our hero further. Aside from the obscenity of the whole scene, the leader of the pack, a nasty creature with one eye missing, had taken a certain interest in his tomato plants. While staring at our hero with its one remaining eye, this mini puma would dare to play golf with his tomatoes, hitting one tomato after another with its dirty little paws. A second menace, perhaps a lot more dangerous than the kitty gang, had been the chumpy seagulls that often singled out his terrace as their new dumping ground. Like precision bombs or missiles hitting targets straight in the bull´s eye, the avian menace would zero in on his favorite plants and drop load after load until the flowers were fully covered in white dookie doody.
The situation was so dire that, in addition to the War on DuDu-Killer, our hero had to engage himself in a second battle against the terror of these ruthless creatures. Whenever he would sunbath in his g-string, he would make sure that his sling shot would be handy and close-by, ready to strike whenever the opportunity would arise. He had already taken down three of the gulls, and had watched them go down like war planes in smoke. His biggest wish now was to get that nasty little puma, and hit him in the one remaining eye, blinding him forever. On one occasion though, he remembered how he had to retreat back to his living room in shame, and lock the sliding door in sheer terror. The daring little puma had showed up while he was sunbathing, and our hero had ducked down immediately under the chaise-longue, awaiting for a ripe moment to blind the little bastard. Unfortunately, as he had just finished rubbing himself in lotion prior to the arrival of the beast, his hands were still oily. He had missed that one good opportunity, when the sling shot had slipped straight out of his hand with the elastic rubber hitting him under the chin. While he was trying to reload, much to his surprise, the little puma had made a daring move and had jumped on his naked body, scratching his soft parts like a DuDu victim out for revenge. It was only by the grace of Baby Jesus that he had shaken free off the beast, and had run into the house.
Despite all these problems though, things on the social DuDu front had been very positive and promising. The white speedo crisis between the government and the army had finally been resolved in peace without a coup. The wise generals had realized that the country needed unity and not division, while the government, on the other hand, had come to the conclusion that, regardless of any legislation, no law could every dictate a Turk anything about Turkishness. If Turks wanted to wear their white speedos, then they would simply don them. In a memorable act of friendship and Turkish solidarity, both Erdongan and the wise general had posed for the Maxim magazine in their white speedos, sending the clear message that the days of the army interfering in politics and the days of the government suppressing people were things of the past. The march issue of Maxim became a collector´s edition over night. A new kind of future was on the horizon. People could feel the change in the air.
Following the controversial Maxim photo shoot, the Ministry of Economics had announced its intentions to restructure the Turkish economy in response to the global economic crisis. The minister, a young graduate of the world famous London School of Economics, had correctly pointed out that, among all the other industries and sectors plummeting down, the sex tourism had remained unaffected. The trend was crystal clear. While the banks declared bankruptcy, and the giant auto -makers laid off thousands of their work force, the sex tourism was thriving all over the world.
Being called "Romance Travelers" looking for "Love", rich women from all over the world were flocking to specific destinations in increasing numbers in search of the "Big Bamboo". While the Canadians & Americans favored the Caribbean, particularly the Dominican Republic and Jamaica, European hunters were, as usual, looking to score in Turkey, Italy and Spain. The situation was not different in Asia either. Places like Bali in Indonesia, and the world famous Phuket of Thailand were infested by Japanese women seeking romance in the arms of tanned South East Asian lover boys. And, those that were very daring almost exclusively went after the legendary "Mandingo" on the western coast of Africa. The minister said that it was about time the "Girthy Sucuk" took its honourable place next to the "Big Bamboo".
In support of his brilliant ideas, he read a poem written back in the 50s.
They had a Chinaman called Dick Hung Lo
He got married in Mexico
His wife divorce him pretty quick
She like bamboo but not chopstick
She like the big bamboo
I give my woman some sugar cane
Fruit of the trees I did explain
The only thing to my surprise
She like the flavor but not the size
She like the big bamboo
I give my woman some coconut
Some like it cold, some like it hot
The only thing she said to me
What good is the nuts without the tree
She liked the big bamboo
(-The Mighty Skipper, circa 1950s)
In joint partnership with the Ministry of Tourism, there would be an incentive program called the "Sponsor a DuDu", whereby the hotel sector would pro-actively train and hire local DuDus to ensure superior service to their guests. The program was hailed as a turning point. Young DuDus over the age of 18 would have to go through an audition, whereby only the best would be selected to represent the homeland. They would go through vigorous training in etiquette and languages, while learning how to dance properly without stepping on a girl´s feet. During the day time, they would serve drinks to their patrons in their speedos, and at night, they would grind with them on the dance floor. Since they would receive compensation & work benefits from the hotels & resorts, the good minister believed that the exploitation of "innocent romance seekers" would come to an end. The judging panel for the auditions would be composed of seasoned European DuDu experts, whom the minister intended to invite over from the UK, Germany and Holland.
Such good news lead to further economic stimulus in the mother land. The pop music sector, among its titan names, such as Tarkan and Kenan Dogulu, now boasted a new & promising boy-band, named the "Fappin DuDus", whose single "DuDuwiser" had already replaced Britney´s "Womanizer" on the charts. Furthermore, a new reality show, called the "DuDu Factor", in which nine middle-aged wives from different countries in Europe were put in the same house with nine charming DuDus, had hit the TV channels. It was an instant hit in Turkey, as well as in Europe and the Arab world.
While our hero observed his shiny Apollonian reflection on the glass sliding door, he took a deep drag from his joint, wondering whether the little puma would show up at all. He felt satisfied with the way the Icelandic witch´s plans were blowing in her face one after the other.
The government had collected all the FiFis off the streets to be detained & detoxed permanently at an undisclosed location in Eastern Turkey. The MADD mothers organization had been outlawed. DuDu was now becoming a socially acceptable term, and even a desirable lifestyle. There was also a new radio channel called "Rock Hard DuDus 103.1", which aired DuDu music and intellectual discussions about the lifestyle.
While he puffed away, our hero felt a sudden paranoia. Being so high and gay in his g-string, he felt somewhat vulnerable against the little puma. He decided that it was safer to be indoors than get ambushed by the kitty gang. He walked back into the apartment with the intent of checking that TLC site.
Things were good. Life was great. Our DuDu was happy.
To be continued...
Edited (3/13/2009) by cynicmystic
Edited (3/13/2009) by cynicmystic
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Cmon h dont let your countrymen down in times of dire need... 
, I am quite intrested in their msns (DD has always been a magnet to me and lately Melek) and their mobiles etc..
.) 
- what a clever trick!!
Let´s hope he changes his mind about invading any country...a brilliant mind like his is a serious threat 