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Love and marriage the Didim way
Saturday, April 15, 2006
İZMİR - Turkish Daily News
Didim Mayor Bumin Kamacı brings up the subject of another interesting development in Didim. "We also have mature brides here." Marriages driven by money exist all over the world, but the shape of this phenomenon is a bit different in Didim; while the norm seems to be young woman-older man marriages in much of the world, in Didim there are many young man-older women marriages taking place.
Kamacı says: "Many of the mature British women who come here wind up marrying young men from Anatolia. In 2005 there were 237 marriages registered, and of these, 85 were Turks marrying foreigners. The brides are British; the grooms are young Turks. The age of the brides is generally above 40. The women may be marrying out of love, but I really doubt this is the case for the men. The men may have certain goals. For example, there have been around 50 young men who have moved to England after marriage. Of course, there are some marriages of this type that do spring from love, and there are also some in which the couple are of near age to one another."
‘Ours is love': İbrahim Badak and Jennis Haurthon are a couple who fit into this "young groom-mature bride" category. They work together at a real estate office and plan to wed this coming July. Badak is only 22 years old. He says he has lived in Didim for two years, that he is from Ankara and he came to Didim from Istanbul. He continues: "I was studying in Istanbul, but I left my studies in the second year and came here. We are not actually married, but we will get married this July. We have been together for about four years and have been living together, like a married couple, for the past two years. We will take care of the marriage formalities this summer."
Speaking about the "young groom-mature bride" syndrome, Badak says: "Many of the men in this situation here are either in it for the money or they want to move to England, but not me. I am in it for love. Many are in it for the business aspect. Not us though, had I wanted, I could have moved to England long ago." When we ask what the age difference between them is, they tell us 28 years. Badak says: "There is a big age difference. She is 50 and I am 22. Sometimes I think about our love and the reasons for it; sometimes I think it is maybe because, up until now, no one showed as much interest in me as she has. Maybe it's a motherly love, maybe it's a lovers' love, or maybe it's a friendship love, but I love her. Maybe a lot of people think this is wrong, but this is our situation. Maybe a lot of people see us and assume that our relationship is based on some sort of mutual benefit/gain situation, but it's not."
‘My mother and father are pleased': Badak says his parents are happy with his relationship. "My mother and father are pleased. They have left the decision up to me. 'If you are happy, then there is no problem, do whatever you want. This is your life,' they say." Speaking about their plans for the future, Badak says they are thinking of moving to Thailand. He adds: "I have decided, for example, to return to university. Right now we plan to get married in July and then after I finish university I will go and do my military service. After that we plan on moving to Thailand, because we love it there. I am happy with my life." Badak also says that if Haurthon had not come into his life, he might have fallen into bad ways. "We have known each other for around four years. We have been living together for around two years. When we first met, she was deciding to move here. She bought a house in Didim two years ago. She said to me, 'Finish your schooling.' But my circle of friends was very bad. There were drug addicts among them. If I hadn't moved on from this group, things could have been very bad for me." Badak notes that, in many ways, this relationship saved him.
‘We have a passionate relationship': Haurthon is a little tired of questions about her relationship, but excited by discussing it with a journalist. She jumps right in: "We have been together for about four years. There was just something between us. I don't know, I didn't expect to be with someone this much younger and I am sure that he didn't expect someone my age. But anyway, it just happened. What we have between us is absolute passion. He is very hardworking and puts a lot of importance on me. There is nothing else you can call this but love. There are, of course, other examples of this kind of relationship, but not ours."
Same-age marriages: Jane Doyoung is one of the rare young British women married to a Turk and living in Didim. She explains: "My husband works in tourism. We met when I was on holiday. After getting married we lived in England for awhile, and then we moved here. I teach belly dancing here." With belly dancing as popular as it is among foreigners, it is still surprising that a young British woman would be teaching it in Turkey, although Doyoung explains that her teaching is aimed entirely at the British residents of Didim. "Well, belly dancing is actually, of course, Egyptian in origin. I learned it in London. And when I came here on holiday I took some courses. I learned it when I was 18. And so now I teach British women how to do it. Aside from that, I don't work."
Doyoung notes that there aren't many young Brits in Didim, and says she is trying to learn Turkish: "I take lessons around four times a week. I am learning and know quite a few words now. I can actually understand everything, but I can't speak. But I want this to stop being a problem soon." Nicola Melham, who is 20, says that she has been living in Didim for the past four years. She explains: "I am married to a Turk. His name is Nida Melham. I am 20 years old. I have no troubles here. I know a little Turkish and can get along with people here. The Brits here have a mid-level education. In general, many who come are retired or are at least middle-aged."
Nida Melham, despite the fact that his wife Nicola opines that the "young groom-mature bride" marriages in Didim are generally love-based, says differently: "Many young Turkish men here marry older British women. You can categorize this in two different ways: the first are financially based marriages, the second are love-based marriages. The first category is, unfortunately, used against Turkey. These sorts of marriages are constantly in the news in England. These sorts of marriages are gone into with the aim of securing financial stability. There might be a couple of exceptions. But when the age difference is this great, from the female's side it might be love, but from the man's side … I really doubt it."
British hegemony has not broken down: One of Didim's oldest tourism agents, owner of Esra Hotel Kadir Karakaya, says that the house purchases by the British in Didim have not really affected his sector. "The fact that the Brits are buying houses here and moving here has not really affected tourism. Their property purchases here can be seen as a positive thing. Turkey is not the only country where the Brits are buying houses. For example, Spain stands to gain $8 billion from sales to foreigners. As for Turkey, up until now I think there has been around $1.5-2 billion in real estate sales to foreigners. It is a lively business here."
Karakaya goes on: "In our hotel our occupancy rate is already around 70-75 percent. In Didim, there are around 20,000 beds but daily occupancy is around 4-5,000, not more. As it is, most of the tourists who come are holiday tourists." Karakaya notes that the hegemony of the British tourists needs to be broken, saying: "We have never brought in any other tourists. The star ratings of our hotels are small. But there are hotels here that are perfect for the budgets of British tourists. In general, the Brits who come to Didim are not of the rich variety. There are facilities that offer rooms for three pounds per person per night here. That's why there's complete British hegemony here. Rich tourists just don't come, due to the low prices. We are thus unable to bring in any other kinds of tourists."
Karakaya also mentions the trend in the Turkish tourism sector to tear down hotels and build housing units instead. "Some hotel owners have started to tear down their hotels and build housing complexes. I am starting to think about tearing down my hotel on the main street. The biggest problem right now is the inflated value of the lira. If it goes on like this, next year will be worse. This year in Didim, as in Turkey in general, there has been a 30-35 percent decline in business. We exaggerated bird flu and this was reflected in the news abroad in a very negative light."
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