The Loan Request

Nasrudin struck up a conversation with a stranger.

At one point, he asked, “So how’s business?”

“Great,” the other replied.

“Then can I borrow ten dollars?”

“No. I don’t know you well enough to lend you money,”.

“That’s strange,” replied Nasrudin. “Where I used to live, people wouldn’t lend me money because they knew me; and now that I’ve moved here, people won’t lend me money because they don’t know me!“

Man Demands Justice

One day, a man ran into Judge Nasrudin’s room and said, “I was just robbed at the border of this village! It must have been someone from here, and I demand justice! The robber took everything from me—my shoes, my pants, my shirt, my coat, my necklace, and even my socks…he took everything, I tell you! I demand justice.”

“Well now,” Nasrudin replied, “I see that you are still wearing you underwear—so the robber didn’t take that, did he?”

“No,” replied the man.

Nasrudin responded, “Then I am sure he was not from here, and thus I cannot investigate your case.”

“How can you be so sure?” the man asked.

“Because if he were from here, he would have taken your underwear as well. After all, we do things thoroughly around here!“

Woman Demands Justice

A woman and man came into Judge Nasrudin’s room one day.

The woman complained, “I was just walking on the street the other day, when this man, whom I never met before, came up to me and kissed me! I demand justice!“

“I agree that you deserve justice,” Nasrudin said. “Therefore, I order that you kiss him and take your revenge.”

Meal or Preaching?

The local religious leader invited Nasrudin over for dinner one night.

Nasrudin, not having eaten much that day, was famished when he got there, and eger to eat as soon as possible.

After two hours, however, the religious leader had yet to offer Nasrudin any food, and instead spoke nonstop about a variety of religious topics.

As Nasrudin grew more annoyed with each passing minute, he finally interrupted the man and said, “May I ask you something?”

“What?” the religious leader answered, eager to hear some religious question that would prompt him to continue talking.

“I was just wondering,” Nasrudin said, “did any of the people in your stories ever eat?”

Are You Asleep?

Nasrudin was lying on his couch with his eyes closed.

His brother-in-law went up to him and asked, “Are you asleep?”

“Why do you ask?” Nasrudin replied.

“I was wondering if you could lend me three hundred dollars,” said the other.

“Oh,” answered Nasrudin, “sorry, I´m still asleep.’

Center of the Earth

Friend: “Nasrudin, do you know where the center of the earth is?”

Nasrudin: “As a matter of fact, I know exactly where it is.”

“Where?”

“Directly under the right hoof of my donkey.”

“What! How can you be so sure?”

“Well—if you don’t believe me, you can measure it for yourself.”

Nasrudin’s Shirt Falls

As Nasrudin and his wife sat in their yard one day, a strong gust of wind blew a shirt from their roof clothesline right next to the wife’s foot.

After seeing this happen, Nasrudin began offering thanks to God.

“Husband,” his wife asked, “why are you thanking God after having seen your shirt fall from the roof?”

Nasrudin replied, “I am thanking God that I was not in the shirt at the time it fell.”

Nasrudin Preaches

Nasrudin was scheduled to give a religious speech one day to an all-male audience, but had no particular topic in mind.

He thought of one, and began preaching:

“Gentleman,” he said. “We must stop allowing our wives to wear make-up. It is inappropriate, indecent, impure, wicked, and by all means sinful. Any man who let’s his wife wear make-up should be ashamed of himself!“

“But Mullah,” said one of the men, “your wife always wears make-up!“

“Yes, that’s true,” Nasrudin remarked. “And it looks great on her, doesn’t it?”

Pricing the Conqueror

One day, the town’s new conqueror asked Nasrudin, “If I were a slave, how much would I cost?”

“Five hundred dollars,” Nasrudin responded.

“What!“ the conqueror shouted in great anger. “Just the clothes I’m wearing right now are worth five hundred dollars!“

“Yes,” replied Nasrudin, “I factored the clothes into my price.”

Nasrudin Eats Dates

A man noticed Nasrudin eating dates with their seeds.

“Why are you eating the seeds“ the man asked.

“Why not?,” explained Nasrudin, “didn´t the merchant who sold these to me include the weight of the seeds?”

Across the River

Nasrudin was standing near a river. A man on the other side shouted at him, “Hey! How can I get across this river?”

“You´re already across!“ Nasrudin shouted back angrily.

Wrestling Dreams

One day, Nasrudin went to the local doctor and told him, “Every night for the past month and a half, I have dreamt dreams in which I am having wrestling matches with donkeys.”

The doctor gave Nasrudin a herb and said, “Eat this, and your dreams will go away.”

“Can I start taking them tomorrow?” Nasrudin asked.

“Why?” the doctor inquired.

“Because I’m scheduled to wrestle in the championship match tonight,” Nasrudin replied.

Nasrudin’s New Child

Friend: “Congratulations Nasrudin! I heard you had a new child.”

Nasrudin: “Yes.”

“Is it a boy?”

“No.”

“Is it a girl?”

“Yes. How did you know?”