PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there´s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.  But it´s still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we´d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left...

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 

8. They begin the evening news with ´Good Evening,´ then proceed to tell you why it isn´t.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.  To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations.  Trains stop in train stations.  On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career.  Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, ´In case of emergency, notify:´  I put ´DOCTOR.´ 

13. I didn´t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can´t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There´s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can´t get away.

20. I used to be indecisive.  Now I´m not so sure.

21. You´re never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn´t what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn´t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there´s a will, there are relatives.