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Culture: men and women
(40 Messages in 4 pages - View all)
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10.       Elisabeth
5732 posts
 03 Nov 2012 Sat 11:28 pm

I´ve been married to a Turkish man for seven years now.  We were friends for many years before getting together.  I haven´t met many Turkish men who were in and out of relationships.  In fact, many of them are quite shy and reserved.  That has been my experience.  I would be careful with anyone who told me that they loved me after a few emails.  

 

Also, women in Turkey are not terribly flirtatious.  From what I have experienced in Turkish culture, love is a very serious matter.  It is reserved for serious relationships and marriage.  



Edited (11/3/2012) by Elisabeth

11.       Nixy
34 posts
 03 Nov 2012 Sat 11:30 pm

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Edited (11/4/2012) by Nixy

12.       Elisabeth
5732 posts
 03 Nov 2012 Sat 11:37 pm

Generally speaking sex is reserved for marriage in Turkish culture...especially for women.  This is not a judgement but just commonly accepted.   



Edited (11/3/2012) by Elisabeth
Edited (11/3/2012) by Elisabeth

13.       Nixy
34 posts
 03 Nov 2012 Sat 11:40 pm

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Edited (11/3/2012) by Nixy
Edited (11/3/2012) by Nixy
Edited (11/4/2012) by Nixy

14.       Nixy
34 posts
 03 Nov 2012 Sat 11:44 pm

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Edited (11/4/2012) by Nixy

15.       Nixy
34 posts
 03 Nov 2012 Sat 11:51 pm

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Edited (11/4/2012) by Nixy

16.       Elisabeth
5732 posts
 04 Nov 2012 Sun 12:01 am

 

Quoting Nixy

 

 

Right, so everyone marries the first woman they fall in love with? Or do people have relationships but without the sex? Nobody dates?

Honestly, I don´t think Turkish people are robots before marriage...of course they fall in love.  It is just uncommon for young Turkish people to have a lot of sexual experience before marriage.  Many people get married in their early 20s there too (some younger), so it´s not like they would have years of experience in dating. Also, none of the teenagers in my husbands family are allowed to "date."  It just isn´t part of the culture...not from what I have seen.

 

17.       vineyards
1954 posts
 04 Nov 2012 Sun 11:14 am

-Turkey is a country of 75 million people.

-Income is not equally distributed in Turkey.

-For some people, leaving the country is a way out.

-Waiters especially those serving tourists and the high income group get lured to their richer lives.

-Waiters are chosen for their looks and for their cleanliness.

-Many foreign girls find them attractive.

-Some of those women complain of little interest in them in their homelands.

-A fool´s paradise is instantly set up based on these principles: a poor handsome guy and a rich girl (rich here is relative).

-The great distance between the "lovers" turn this into a virtual "courtly love".

-The handsome waiter who had already undergone a cultural shock when he came to the big city in Turkey would like to intensify the experience by moving to a rich foreign city.

-His motives are often material.

-He rarely considers this a true romance.

-He rarely puts his heart into the marriage that may follow this.

-He may have a true lover back home and the whole thing may have been arranged with a certain time table.

-In many cases, they are not very different from prostitutes: voluntary sex workers.

-Many a Turk would never want to live in a country like Sweden or Finland: too cold, too dull and too diplomatic to their taste.

-I don´t think Turks and Swedes are culturally compatible with each other either.

-A strong catalyst is often needed: good looks, physical fondness, love or money. (Although this is kind of true for all relations.)



Edited (11/4/2012) by vineyards

18.       Nixy
34 posts
 04 Nov 2012 Sun 11:40 am

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Edited (11/4/2012) by Nixy
Edited (11/4/2012) by Nixy

19.       Nixy
34 posts
 04 Nov 2012 Sun 11:45 am

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Edited (11/4/2012) by Nixy

20.       vineyards
1954 posts
 04 Nov 2012 Sun 02:42 pm

A quick google search indicates there are 100k Turks living in Sweden and 10k Swedes living in Turkey. Turkey´s 2012 population is over 80 million and Sweden´s is 12 million.

As you see everything is relative, "many" in the Swedish context is "few" in the Turkish one. Sweden has never been a favourite destination for Turks. (Just remember the 3 million Turks in Germany).

Many Turks emigrated to Sweden were of Kurdish origin or leftist political asylum seekers. They left the country either using this point as pretext or since some of them were the victims of brutalities. The main reason here is not cultural but political. Sweden was run by governments that would support people with a certain political view.

Quoting Nixy

Interesting views, vineyard. Thank you for sharing it.

I do think it´s sad though, to hear that two cultures are incompatible. Especially since there are many Turks living in Sweden and many of them seem happy with their Swedish wives/husbands. I guess that it´s not as good as I thought.

To be honest, I´m not looking for a man or husband in any country, so it really doesn´t matter to me personally. I already know that I will be single for the rest of my life, so I have decided to focus on other things.

Interesting to read what everyone thinks. It makes me feel ashamed of being Swedish.

And of course, it makes me really sad that people probably think I am disgusting and pathetic because I´m Swedish.

 

 



Edited (11/4/2012) by vineyards

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