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Turkish kaynana
1.       moonfighter
1 posts
 05 Aug 2016 Fri 06:19 pm

First, I apologize for my bad english.  

Like this, I dont know what to do and i need an advice from turkish people.

Im living with my fiancee and his mom and dad. We are preparing wedding and Im trying to get used to different mentality, language, people etc. 

How did it start?

Well, my fiancee decied to bring me here untill wedding so I can get used to live here. At start everything was normal, I was scared and alone, so I did whatever his mom said me. I don´t like kissing hands of other people but I must. I don´t like some food but I must eat it. I must accept all of their culture but they don´t accept any of mine. I changed everything.

After few months first problem came. My fiancee and me were going out, for a walk or something but she tried to keep us inside of house. When she saw we dont care she started to make drama, like "I am ill, My head is spinning" etc. One day she made me cry, because whatever I do - it´s not good. She is explaining me most simple things, regularly, and at start it was like insult for my family, because I know that I´m much better housewife then her...how? because it is part of my culture. Anyway, I pleased her to go out from my room. And I said this to my fiancee. Later, after few days, she came and made problem again. She said to him lots of bad things, for example that I´m not washing my panties and that I chased her from my room in HER house - "I didn´t want to tell you this so you dont get angry on her", of course my fiancee already knew for that. Also she said that I have problem with my period because she never saw any of my peds??? well, how then I dont wash my panties if you never saw not even a drop of blod?? Can you understand that this woman is not respecting any privacy?? OK, it passed, I started to say "tamam" on every her word. Until last night. What is problem now? Well, regularly, every day, she is making provocations. Regulary. Last night I pleased my fiancee to bring me charger and then she went wild. Anyway, she said to him "look, this is how your life will be, you will must clean your own house. Will you let this?" also, I said i will not collect clothes after him and that she needed to teach him to do that after him. she said lots of bad things to me. I almost break up with my fiancee. Later he said to me that i must tolerate these things untill we will move to our house. Also, few days ago she said in front of him "I am number one for you, Im your mom". These kind of thing are little bit sick for me. She wants us to sit with them every night and speak. If we have something smart to speak about, of course, but every day is just loosing time for me. She is puting her nose everywhere. Everywhere. And doesnt give me any respect. And I dont know can i live like this anymore. Can someone please give me some advice?



Edited (8/5/2016) by moonfighter

2.       vineyards
1954 posts
 22 Jan 2017 Sun 04:07 pm

Dealing with a mother-in-law could be difficult and sometimes too difficult to endure, and it all depends on how your fiance responds to the problem. Although it is naturally difficult for him to turn his back to his mother and to favour you in all these matters; he is the one who needs to make a decision. If he wants to build a common future with you, he must be able to say no to her mother who as far as I understand can become quite insolent and unbearable.

Technically it is impossible for someone not to be under the influence of a dominant mother like his. He will have some elements of her character and of her psychology. It is a matter of being able to manage these feelings. You may expect problems in your marriage in the future; it is just a matter of how much you are willing to tolerate and how ready he is to adapt to your joint life.

Turkish traditions can be a bit difficult to accept for foreigners and it is usually vice versa.

 

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