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turkish mother in laws
(70 Messages in 7 pages - View all)
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10.       Inankur
131 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 12:02 pm

i wonder if after the divorce she will get a alimony from father in law or smth. cuz he stays with the house, he is architect so he has money etc etc ... turkish law says anything in these cases?

11.       Cacık
296 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 12:07 pm

Google search "Turkish divorce laws" - you should find some pages in English.

12.       Inankur
131 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 12:18 pm

DIKKKATTTTTTTT GIRLSSSS
Turkish Civil Law has no statement on sharing the movables and immovable. In case of divorce, please note that the immovable items (house, car, etc.) are under the ownership of the party on which said items are registered. Movable objects (furniture, refrigerator, TV etc) belong to the party "who got them first".
It may sound like high jacking but unfortunately this is the reality.

13.       catwoman
8933 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 12:21 pm

Quoting Cacık:

Hi Inankur - from what I have seen in my few years here, is that mums-in-law (MLI) do become part of your everyday life. I feel that in Turkey, this is the norm and tends to go with the flow of things. For example, MIL will often call the daughter (in-law) to help or prepare food together, or clean together..... This very obviously can depend on the type of family you are married into, traditional or utterly modern, and will vary hugely.

My advice to you is this, if you are a very private couple who love your time alone together, you need to set up some sort of boundaries whereby at certain times each week, you must have privacy and perhaps have the salon to yourselves and be strong enough to stick to it, making sure your husband will support this (nothing worse that son giving into MIL).

Also, don't change who you are and the way you act together. A Turkish friend of mine had to stop kissing her husband on the check or holding his hand whenever his mother came to stay. Very sad and it really upset my friend because she totally loves her husband. Of course, this is extreme and unlikely to happen to you. My point is don't start giving in and changing the way you both natural are together in order keep the peace, MIL should also adapt to change.

Just be sure to discuss all your worries with your husband BEFORE MIL arrives. Don't wait for problems to start before talking.

Agony Aunt Cacık


I would only add to this: make rules with the MIL at the very beginning about who does what, where, how, when... anything that's important to you and don't be afraid to "hurt her feelings" by making the rules!

14.       femme_fatal
0 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 12:23 pm

Quoting Cacık:

Hi Femme
You know exactly what I meant about don't change the way you are together, I mean you shouldn't compromise on the love and affection you feel and show to each other (of course I don't mean one could fornicate on the lounge floor infront of MLI - that obviously would be disatrous).
You are just being pedantic!


hi cacik
lol i thought of everyday life not about showing love

Quoting Cacık:



I agree with you that parents shouldn't live with their kids as the norm, couldn't agree more in fact - but Inankur says that there are different circumstances that makes it necessary. Surely even you don't advocate kicking your own parents or in-laws out in difficult circumstances ?



hi cacik
well, im not that heartless beach at all, of course i love my mom, i would take care of her. but i would try to find another flat or house. living together would limit privacy of each of us. she wouldnt feel free with my husband, and my husband would suffer that he cant behave natural

Quoting Cacık:



Oh and the aunty thing - just a joke, sorry to offend you FF if that was your position.



hi cacik
no, no, you havent offended me at all. it is actually aenigms position, not mine

i get offended! im such an

15.       femme_fatal
0 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 12:28 pm

Quoting Inankur:

we had her staying for a 2 weeks in home -because she is in process of divorcing my father in law... and she is always saying: KESKE you didnt put meat in the makarna. Keske you didnt put tuna fish in the salat.Keske we would have meyve suyu instead of Cola!
KESKE KESKE ...


OMG
im not envious of your situation

Quoting Inankur:


plus she is not working, and we are living here with rent + the expenses, plus that she has her own debts and no SSK ... etc etc ...
so its like we need to take care of her from now on ...
she is modern, too modern i might say, she likes Brands and social meetings ...


one thing comes to idea, with this situation 'no making children' at least for now

Quoting Inankur:


this as an idea girls, that she is not an angel, no way ...
My husband knows her very well, he doesnt want for her to move in, but in this 'without escape' situation we have no way ...


hope, its temporary.

Quoting Inankur:


I wont change anything about us and i will continue putting ET in the MAKARNAAAA!!!!!!!!
hehehhee


lol

16.       femme_fatal
0 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 12:35 pm

to inankur,
just try to handle it as much as you can.
dont let yourself become a victim, and dont let her feel a victim as well.
life is tough

17.       Inankur
131 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 12:46 pm

Quoting femme_fatal:

to inankur,
just try to handle it as much as you can.
dont let yourself become a victim, and dont let her feel a victim as well.
life is tough



Thank you girls! dont worry, when she tells me to make smth or why i didnt do smth - from the KESKE category - i will pretend my turkish is too poor for her demands
she cant defeat a romanian girl!
life is enough tough, we dont need another "elements' for making it tougher ...
PEACE AND LOVE GIRLS!!!

18.       AlphaF
5677 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 01:00 pm

Inankur,
You can not approach this problem with a Western philosophy.

Search for Liu Young in Google and see what this artist has to say about the difference between Western and Eastern cultures. It is funny and may help you put certain things in correct perspective.

19.       Inankur
131 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 01:22 pm

Quoting AlphaF:

Inankur,
You can not approach this problem with a Western philosophy.

Search for Liu Young in Google and see what this artist has to say about the difference between Western and Eastern cultures. It is funny and may help you put certain things in correct perspective.



Dear Alpha,
I wrote you such a long and argumentative message but smth happened! Yes, you guessed: typical turkish - electricity went we really need UPS in the office
Anyway, the idea is : when a person comes in your home and starts saying: why are you buying so many dvds, see the movies to the TV, why are you smoking pipo, it smells in the house or give me 200 ytl to pay my taksits, takes the credit cards and spends from them ... no matter if is friend, or mother ... this cant produce happiness to anyone ... not even to my husband ...
i will read what you recommended, but i am sure my opinion wont change ...

20.       Inankur
131 posts
 13 Feb 2008 Wed 01:27 pm

http://www.scribd.com/doc/492094/
East-Vs-West-A-good-observation-represented-pictorially-to-understand-culture-

it was nice Alpha ...Thanks!
But in this situation, eastern and western agree!

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