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turkish mother in laws
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| 40. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 09:19 pm |
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Quoting femme_fatal: Quoting alameda:
I agree with you Azade. I've seen so many in New York City who wanted their privacy, living alone and getting more and more eccentric.
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OMG, how evil is NY!!!
how evil is USA, and the whole west! 
Quoting alameda:
It's easy to think one is patient and compassionate when you only have to think of yourself. The outcome I've seen though is a mess. |
a mess is when there are rules where elders rule over youngs and turn their lives into hell.
and the young have to stay and bear all that stupid things thanks to the f... traditions.
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No, not evil femme...just misguided. If you saw what I saw, you would reconsider things. I saw many who lived alone in their apartments and had to have meals delivered to them. I went to visit them to give them some companionship. They had children, but they had moved many miles away and never saw them. They were so lonely. To me it was very sad.
You do have a point in the way some elders rule over the young ones. They can be very dictatorial. It's something one has to be very gentle with.
Then there were the actors, singers and other artists who came to NY to be a star, but never did. They were now old and alone. The apartments were a mess. Instead of looking like homes, they looked like some cave they dragged things into. Garments strewn all over, dirty dishes in the sink. One man who lived in my building was a pack rat and his apartment was so crowded with things he could only get into the door a little way.
This is not an uncommon thing. It seems to be a syndrome associated with living alone.
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| 41. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 09:31 pm |
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guys, i give up!
inankur, go and live with you MIL and be nice to her.
actually in the eastern culture DIL serve MIL and the whole family. in many families women serve 24/7!
so good luck!
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| 42. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 09:35 pm |
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Each to their own, whichever lifestyle they prefer that's fine. It's great that everyone are busy with projects and goals in their own lives, it's just very typical to forget about the social factor that the family plays. I was simply adding a different view which is quite relevant in many societies nowadays.
This is not a stereotype opinion, it's sociology in which there are four types of families each with their pros and cons if anybody's heard of such thing 
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| 43. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 09:53 pm |
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Quoting femme_fatal: guys, i give up!
inankur, go and live with you MIL and be nice to her.
actually in the eastern culture DIL serve MIL and the whole family. in many families women serve 24/7!
so good luck!
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Actually femme I agree with you. There's families in which the "new" DILs do a lot of household chores, especially if the MIL is (somewhat) elderly. The longer in the family and the older you get, the higher you go in "rank". Except it's not just in DIL/MIL relationships. In some situations you get to boss around those younger than you. Coming from northern Europe it's still very strange for me to send children around to fetch something for me 
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| 44. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 09:56 pm |
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Quoting alameda: No, not evil femme...just misguided. If you saw what I saw, you would reconsider things. I saw many who lived alone in their apartments and had to have meals delivered to them. I went to visit them to give them some companionship. They had children, but they had moved many miles away and never saw them. They were so lonely. To me it was very sad.
You do have a point in the way some elders rule over the young ones. They can be very dictatorial. It's something one has to be very gentle with.
Then there were the actors, singers and other artists who came to NY to be a star, but never did. They were now old and alone. The apartments were a mess. Instead of looking like homes, they looked like some cave they dragged things into. Garments strewn all over, dirty dishes in the sink. One man who lived in my building was a pack rat and his apartment was so crowded with things he could only get into the door a little way.
This is not an uncommon thing. It seems to be a syndrome associated with living alone. |
Alameda, I see your point and I agree with you that there are many lonely people out there, even when they have children who almost forgot about them... It's definitely sad that the community doesn't take care of these people and that their children don't care.
The issue of you ONLY criticizing teaschip (why btw RESPONDED to alpha's post!!!) for making comments about age and COMPLETELY ignoring ANY posts from alpha or adonis is biased and hypocritical. It's simply funny to say that you "didn't see them", because that's all they write all the time. I'm sure you didn't miss that, you just never criticize "those of your own".
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| 45. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 09:59 pm |
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Quoting azade: Actually femme I agree with you. There's families in which the "new" DILs do a lot of household chores, especially if the MIL is (somewhat) elderly. The longer in the family and the older you get, the higher you go in "rank". Except it's not just in DIL/MIL relationships. In some situations you get to boss around those younger than you. Coming from northern Europe it's still very strange for me to send children around to fetch something for me
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YET, your view of the east seems to be that they are saints and the west is racist evil who have NO values! That's the message I get from your posts at least... 
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| 46. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 10:01 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: Quoting azade: Actually femme I agree with you. There's families in which the "new" DILs do a lot of household chores, especially if the MIL is (somewhat) elderly. The longer in the family and the older you get, the higher you go in "rank". Except it's not just in DIL/MIL relationships. In some situations you get to boss around those younger than you. Coming from northern Europe it's still very strange for me to send children around to fetch something for me
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YET, your view of the east seems to be that they are saints and the west is racist evil who have NO values! That's the message I get from your posts at least... |
I think those with a low rank disagree and would love to live somewhere else where they could tell off the person bossing them around
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| 47. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 10:04 pm |
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Quoting azade: I think those with a low rank disagree and would love to live somewhere else where they could tell off the person bossing them around |
See, I hate the hierarchy to begin with! In the west people are treated much more equally and based on their actual qualifications, not based on age or "rank"! I was raised in a similar system, so don't you argue with me that I don't know this system well enough!  I know very well the advantages and disadvantages of both.
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| 48. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 10:11 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: Quoting azade: I think those with a low rank disagree and would love to live somewhere else where they could tell off the person bossing them around |
See, I hate the hierarchy to begin with! In the west people are treated much more equally and based on their actual qualifications, not based on age or "rank"! I was raised in a similar system, so don't you argue with me that I don't know enough! |
Wouldn't it be nice if we took care of people because we love them dearly....and not out of a sense of obligation. My parents are older. They live about 2 miles away from my home. Everyday I stop and check on them. We have meals together at least twice a week. We go shopping together BUT I go home to MY HOUSE and they go home to THEIR HOUSE. I love them very much and I feel very compelled to take care of them....but having them live with me is not something that I would enjoy. If one of them was very ill, maybe that would change, but I think that is a little different.
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| 49. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 10:20 pm |
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Quoting Elisabeth: Wouldn't it be nice if we took care of people because we love them dearly....and not out of a sense of obligation. My parents are older. They live about 2 miles away from my home. Everyday I stop and check on them. We have meals together at least twice a week. We go shopping together BUT I go home to MY HOUSE and they go home to THEIR HOUSE. I love them very much and I feel very compelled to take care of them....but having them live with me is not something that I would enjoy. If one of them was very ill, maybe that would change, but I think that is a little different. |
That is very well said Elisabeth! The society should value parents when they get older, but not FORCE the children to do everything for their parents out of the sense of subordination. In eastern mentality older people get a lot of privilages just because of their age, it is very common for them to mistreat the younger ones and boss around (just look at alpha as a good example, though he also has a male privilage being raised in a staunch patriarchy). It is sooooooooo anti-self-esteem for children and young people, they are NOT valued appropriately, they are treated as slaves for the older ones. It's a real hierarchy.
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| 50. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 10:22 pm |
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I was talking with a friend who can't sit on the floor anymore. She used to be able to, but not having done it for a long time, now she can't.
Living with others requires practice. If you live alone, or with your mate, you don't learn to make accomodations.
When it's something you do all the time, you don't notice it.
all the lonely people
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