My Turkish boyfriend likes to show his interest in black woman that everytime he sees black girls his eyes just got glued to them. Of course I feel so mad and jealous too. We both had a failed marriage and each one of us has a boy of 4 years of age. I had not been accepting anyone after my failed marriage. But I finally open my heart to this guy and though he says he loves me very much, he makes me wonder with his acts on staring at other women and say something like "oohh nice butt or boops etc". Unlike me, I will not do anything to hurt his feelings and hope he would do the same thing for me. He is still fighting for his child from the wife and he is missing his son so dearly. I can understand how he feels. He expressed his hope that my boy and his can be together with us. I felt so happy.But why when I asked him to tie the knot, he says things are too early and he needs more time. The way i look at it, he is negative because of the failure in his 1st marriage. But he wants to be together forever. I am confused. What should I do to make him feel the threat of loosing me ? I need to know does he really loves me. :-S

It's not nice to feel threatened and this man clearly loves you but uses manipulation to get a response from you.
I'd not put up with it. Don't play the game. I'd be honest with anyone who did this to me. I'd state his behaviour is completely unacceptable to me. I'd tell him my feelings and ask him to stop it as it makes me uncomfortable, insecure etc... and makes me question if we have the bottle to move ahead. I'd ask that we build our relationship honestly so that it gets stronger - not tear it down through manipulation and causing each other hurt and discomfort. In the end these behaviours result in too much suffering.
I don't get why so many people play games to try to make the other insecure when the basis of any good relationship is security and knowing one is loved.
Real and loving relationships have no need to create angry jealous responses in the other. It's just a waste of good energy that could go into making a relationship really special instead.
Creating jealousy is asking for a breakdown in time. At first it might work but I have not seen jealous relationships that last in the longerterm.

The risk is if you are honest he says he does not want the relationship to continue - but would you not be better off taking this risk now - than moving in with him and then having to deal with it all later?

I'd not move in with someone till I knew they would work with me to create a safe place for both of us - emotionally and physically.

He says he wants more time - give it to him and use it to establish your own needs and what you really want out of the relationship - and if he is willing to really pull his side.

Good luck - hope you can swing things around.

Hi there Raja Fateha!!!

Regarding his interest in black women, well, maybe he is just trying to make you jealous. I’m not so sure about that, but u see, my babe is also a Turk (it is our 6 months together today). Usually my Bf is saying things as such to make me jealous. I asked him why he wants me to feel jealous. He said it proves him that I love him. However, when the time that I am showing him that I’m feeling jealous already, he will start to feel sorry because he did such thing to hurt me. Try to show him that what he is doing is hurting you. Be honest with him about what you feel. I think it is the best thing to do!

About tying the knot, if I may ask…are you both free now to do so? I mean, are you both legally separated from your ex’s? How long have you been together? Don’t you think you are taking it too fast? Maybe you are right in thinking that your bf is still negative about the failure of his past marriage, so give not only him but yourself a time. Me and my bf is somehow having a similar problem in tying the knots. Both of us wanted to be together, marry as soon as possible but although I’ve been separated with my ex for almost 2 years, we are still legally married coz our divorce paper is still in court. So we are waiting patiently till everything is smooth. Don’t let doubt poison your mind. It will not help your relationship to grow. Believe me it is the beginning of breaking down the relationship. Doubting is not trusting and not trusting is not loving!

Pray! God will help you! Wishing you all the best and to your son too!!!

He obviously does love you Raja, but I think he wants to keep his options open by not marrying you. Could you not at least get engaged until the time is right? At least that would give you something to go on.

Does it not worry you that he wants to take his son away from his mother, to set up home with you and your son? I know he may love his child and miss him so much, but taking him away from his mother, to set up home with you isn't a very good option for his son, unless the child was in any danger of course.

He seems to have a roving eye, whether it is to make you jealous or not, it's not a good thing. I think that you should sit him down and tell him how much it hurts you. If he still takes no notice, give his a taste of his own medicine, and look at every fit bloke that passes your way....he will soon get the message!

Take care, I hope it all works out for you.

First of all you should talk to him and let him know about your concerns and problems. Don't try to justify your needs, if you want to get married, this is what you want and it doesn't matter what other people think about marriages. If your partner doesn't understand and share your desires and if you cannot find a common ground that both of you would be happy with, then he might not be the right man for you. Don't try to force things just because you think that you love each other.
To me the guy doesn't look serious or mature if he's looking at other women and even makes comments about them. This is a serious problem, which doesn't mean anything good about the guy and a possible future with him.
Don't let him make things up to you by just him telling you that he loves you, he must work and behave in a way that makes you feel that he loves you. You should feel loved without having to hear it.

i agree with catwoman and wana add that
know what you want from him and life,if its ok and you bıth think same things,why you wait?????????

good luck have a nice day

u know what some people are like... they just love to make u jealous... if u let it become an issue then it will just keep getting worse...