someone has way too much time on their hands

Someone has way too bitter about this.. I wonder if it is o  o?

= oIo  (small penis)

 Or too much of something e.g. (+) (+) in on their hands

Good vs bad.

-Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. 

-Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. 

-Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. 

-Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better. 

-Good girls think they’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they’re fully dressed with just a strand of pearls. 

-Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed. 

-Good girls say, ´No.´ Bad girls say, ´When?´

===============

a second one..

Kitchen chair enthusiast!!   

There’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, ´For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that chair in the kitchen there!!! . For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my room, light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you’ll never forget.´The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says, ´So, you want the romantic night in my room, eh?´ The woman replies, ´No, I want four times in the kitchen on the chair.´

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was
Looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not
Far off he asked what she´d like to have for her birthday.

´I´d like to be six again´, she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall Of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
Reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald´s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,
M&M´s. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
Exhausted.


He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ´Well Dear, what was it like being six again?´

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

´I meant my dress size, you f***ing retard!!!!´

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna
Get it wrong.

Modern bir hastanede cok sıkışan bir adam defalarca denemesine karşın devamlı meşgul olan erkekler tuvaletine giremez. Adamın zor durumunu gören bir hemşire adamın haline acır ve
- Bayım, duvardaki tuşların hiç birine dokunmayacağınıza söz verirseniz bizim çok özel tuvaleti kullanabilirsiniz.´ diyerek yardımcı olur.

Adam teşekkür eder, ihtiyacını giderdikten sonra gözleri karşısındaki duvarda bulunan ve üstünde IS, IH, TP ve OTC yazan rengarenk tuşlara takılır.
Biraz tereddüt eder, söz vermiştir. Ancak merakını yenemeyerek IS yazan birinci tuşa dokunur. Altından fışkıran ılık su anında adamin altını yıkar.

Erkekler tuvaletinde böyle bir lüksü hiç yaşamamış adam, daha büyük bir haz beklentisi içinde IH tuşuna basar. Sonuç, beklediği üzere olağanüstüdür. Bu kez ılık su yerine püfür püfür bahar çiçeği kokulu ılık hava, nazik yerlerini kurulamaktadır. ..

Hanımlar tuvaletinin tuvalet ötesi bir şey olduğuna inanan adam tereddütsüz TP tuşuna uzanır. Bu kez de talk pudrasının okşayıcı etkisiyle kendinden geçer.

Son tuşun daha görkemli bir etkisi olacağına kuşkusu olmayan adam hemen ona da basar. Gözlerini açıp hatırladığı ilk şey, hastanede uzandığı yatakta kendisine doğru eğilmiş endişeli hemşirenin yüzüdür.
- Ne oldu bana?´ diye sorar acı içinde, - son hatırladığım şey, hemşirelerin özel tuvaletinde üzerinde OTC işaretli bir tuşa basmak.´
- Biliyorum der hemşire; OTC otomatik tampon çıkarıcı demektir. PİPİNİZ   yastığınızın altında...

" One day there were three tomatoes walking down the street, a mama tomato, a daddy tomato and a baby tomato. Baby tomato is walking too slowly, so the daddy tomato goes back, steps on him and says ´ketchup!´ "

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse´s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse´s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse´s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.