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Hospitality and giving and receiving gifts are important in Turkish culture. When you are new to a country, you may be uncertain about what to do.
Here are a couple of questions from Westerners who want to avoid embarrassing gaffes and mistakes.
Dear Charlotte, I am not always sure what proper etiquette in Turkey is. For example, I was raised to write a thank-you note to show my appreciation when I received a gift. Perhaps I am old school. I get the impression that thank-you notes are not so common here. What’s right? From Confused.
Dear Confused, if you want to be extra nice and appreciative when you find the gift and the giver is still with you, it is always good to show lots of appreciation and give Turkish-style hugs and kisses. You may also write a thank-you note later. It is also important to say something to the effect of “Oh! You did not have to†or “You are so thoughtful.†Turks are usually more flowery in their expressions than most Westerners.
Let me just share some notes about gift giving.
You probably noticed my wording above where I said when you find the gift. Some Today’s Zaman readers who live outside of Turkey and have never visited Turkey yet may not know about gift-giving in Turkey. Here are a few tips:
* When visiting someone in their home, it is a nice gesture to take a small gift such as flowers or chocolate for the host.
* The gift should not be open; it should be wrapped in wrapping paper or placed inside a plastic bag.
* The gift should not normally be handed to the host, just place the gift in the hallway or on a table; your hosts will probably not open it in front of you.
* For a birthday gift, or some gift which needs to be given to the recipient, this should be done without a lot of attention.
* Be careful when you visit someone not to compliment something of your host or it may be given to you as a gift! This is very foreign to many Westerners. What I mean is complimenting a picture or vase or other possession may be understood as an indirect request for it to be given to you.
A related question from another Today’s Zaman reader:
Dear Charlotte, just recently a neighbor knocked on my door. When I opened the door, my neighbor was standing there with a large tray and a number of individual pudding dishes. I was surprised when she gave me a dish and she said she wanted the dish back right then. I did not know what to do because I have always returned the dish with something on it. I sort of panicked. I was caught off guard and just gave her an empty plate back unwashed and thanked her. Was this rude? From Sandy in İstanbul.
Dear Sandy, times are changing! Next time it will probably be given to you in a plastic container! It used to be that the dish was left with you and a few days later you returned the dish with something you baked on it. Sounds like you have lived here for a while and know that it is quite usual for people in an apartment block to offer some of their cooking to their neighbors if they had been baking that day. Also, you may be given food to welcome you to the apartment when you move in. The rule has been: If your neighbor gives you a plate of food, you should accept it, but don’t return the plate empty. Fill it with some food of your own. In your situation, I do not think the neighbor expected you to do anything more than what you did. It would have been hard to try to wash the dish with your neighbor standing at the door holding a big tray. It was obvious she did not want to come in and sit down and have a visit. She had more apartments to go to!
I’m just curious Sandy, was it aşure? For Today’s Zaman readers who have not had this experience, let me explain it briefly. There is a special time in the year when women prepare aşure pudding (the exact date moves with the lunar calendar). You probably have never had anything like it. It is known as Noah’s pudding and is a sweet dessert cooked using all the grains and fruit that Noah was assumed to have taken onto the ark. Women prepare this and give it to their neighbors.
“To give without any reward, or any notice, has a special quality of its own.â€
-- Anne Morrow Lindbergh, American writer and aviation pioneer
09.02.2008
todayszaman
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