Þimdiden çok teþekkür ederim.

´I´ve tasted pain before in my life but never like this. Everytime I´m in my car I´m praying it crashes, so I don´t have to live. My mind won´t stop tormenting me and I don´t understand how all my dreams have fallen apart so fast. I´m trying to keep occupied because the second I remember everything again I feel desperate to escape.

I asked you to ask yourself, do you love me? You said you need to think. Think? If there is love it can´t be doubted. Neither of us are innocent, but even after you hurt me I still love you. You were a big part of my childhood and you stayed in my heart for many years, am I supposed to suddenly accept that everything is over? I can´t accept.

I don´t know how we can solve this, because you make me think that if we stay together you will not be happy ever again. I don´t want to hear you say goodbye but if you do, please don´t ask me to be friends, because I will not be strong enough to cope when one day you find the woman you wish to marry.

I´m 19 years old and I´m nothing. Here I am scrubbing toilets for a job at 5am every day to get money quickly even though I have the qualifications to do something better, I have nobody here to trust, no friends, all my family are on anti-depressants, and I´m so unhappy here. I´m tired of having to pretend that I´m happy to the people around me. But do I have to pretend to you as well?  You saved me but now if you leave my life as well what is there to live for? What is my mistake? Am I such a bad person?

All I wanted was to spend time with the man I love, instead my world has broken. 

If you think you will never be happy with me then please leave me now, I can´t wait much longer if your decision is going to be the one I´m so scared of. I can´t carry on. I will not stop coming to Altinkum, I will not stop coming to Turkey,because I feel alive there, some of the best memories of my life were there, and you can take yourself away from me but you can´t ask me to erase the memories as well.

I don´t know what´s happening to you but I wish I could understand.´

´I´ve tasted pain before in my life but never like this. Everytime I´m in my car I´m praying it crashes, so I don´t have to live.Hayatýmda daha önceler de acý yaþadým fakat bu seferki gibi hiç olmadý.Arabamda her seferinde kaza olsun diye dua ediyorum yani yaþamak zorunda deðilim.´My mind won´t stop tormenting me and I don´t understand how all my dreams have fallen apart so fast. Düþüncelerim /kafam bana eziyet etmeyi durdurmayacak ve hayallerim nasýl  bu kadar hýzlý birbirinden ayrýldý.I´m trying to keep occupied because the second I remember everything again I feel desperate to escape.??

I asked you to ask yourself, do you love me? You said you need to think. Think? If there is love it can´t be doubted.Senden kendine bana aþýk mýsýn diye sormaný istedim.Sen düþünmeye ihtiyacýn olduðunu söyledin.Düþünmek?Eðer aþk varsa kuþku/þüphe/kararsýlzýk olmamalý. Neither of us are innocent, but even after you hurt me I still love you.Her ikimizde masum deðiliz fakat Sen beni incittikten sonra bile ben seni seviyorum.  You were a big part of my childhood and you stayed in my heart for many years, am I supposed to suddenly accept that everything is over? I can´t accept.Sen benim çocukluðumun bir parçasýsýn ve yýllardýr kalbimdesin,herþeyin birden bire  bittiðini mi farzedeyim?Kabul edemem

I don´t know how we can solve this, because you make me think that if we stay together you will not be happy ever again. I don´t want to hear you say goodbye but if you do, please don´t ask me to be friends, because I will not be strong enough to cope when one day you find the woman you wish to marry.

Bunu nasýl çözebileceðimizi bilmiyorum,çünkü eðer birlikte kalýrsak hiç mutlu olamayacaðýný düþünmemi saðladýn.Ben elvada demek istemiyorum fakat sen dersen lütfen arkadaþ olmamýzý isteme çünkü  günün birinde eðer bir kadýnla evlenmek istersen bunun üstesinden gelecek kadar güçlü deðilim

19 yaþýmdayým ve hiçbirþeyim.Burada iþ olarak   ....day to get money quickly even though I have the qualifications to do something better,??

Burada güvendiðim kimse yok,arkadaþlarým yok.bütün ailem anti depressants? ve burada çok mutsuzum.Çevremdeki insanlara mutluymuþum gibi görünmekten çok yoruldum.

fakat sana da böyleymiþ gibi  görünmek zorunda mýyým?Beni korudun f akat þimdi benim hayatýmdan ayrýlýrsan               ?? You saved me but now if you leave my life as well what is there to live for??

Benim hatam nedir?Bu kadar kötü bir insan mýyým?

Bütün istediðim parçalanmýþ/yýkýlmýþ hayatýmýn yerine aþýk olduðum adamla vakit geçirmekti.

Eðer benimle hiçbir zaman mutlu olamayacaðýný düþünüyorsan o zaman lütfen benden þimdi ayrýl,eðer kararýn benim korktuðumsa daha fazla bekleyemem.Devam edemem/sürdüremem.

Altýnkuma gelmeyi kesmeyeceðim,Türkiye´ye gelmeye devam edeceðim* çünkü orada yaþýyor olduðumu hissediyorum,hayatýmýn en güzel anýlarý oradaydý,ve sen kendini benden uzak tutabilirsin/ayýrabilirsin  fakat benden anýlarý da  silmemi isteme.

Sana ne oluyor bilmiyorum fakat anlayabilmeyi isterdim.

Praying for a car crash rarely achieves the desired outcome. It is much simpler and quicker, driving straight down a high cliff.

 AlphaF!! How irresponsible!

And, anyway, your English is atrocious - it should be drive straight off a high cliff!!

AlphaF thanks for the marvellous  idea but there are no cliffs in my area. How lovely of you to contribute.

Many thanks to bivouac, thank you for your kind help, perhaps someone could help out on the other little bits? I really appreciate it. Thank you.

You´re welcome Carla Louise,hope you  can cope that situation

We are talking about a controlled dive here....How irresponsible of you to suggest a straight dive.