Bir otobüs duraginda karsilasmislardi ilk kez…. Biri tipta okuyordu, öbürü
mimarlikta. O ilk karsilasmadan sonra, bir kere, bir kere, bir kere daha
karsilasabilmek için, hep ayni saatte, ayni duraktan, ayni otobüse bindiler.
Gençtiler, çok genç… Birbirileriyle konusacak cesareti bulmalari biraz
zaman aldi ama sonunda basrdilar. Ikisi de her sabah otobüse bindikleri
semtte oturmuyorlardi aslinda. Delikanli arkadasinda kaldigi için o duraktan
binmisti otobüse, kiz ise ablasinda…. Sirf birbirilerini görebilmek için,
her sabah erkenden evlerinden çikip, sehrin öbür ucundaki o duraga, onlarin
duragina geldiklerini, gülerek itiraf ettiler bir süre sonra…
Okullarini bitirince hemen evlendiler. Mutluydular hem de çok mutlu… Bazen
issiz, bazen parasiz kaldilar ama öylesine siki kenetlenmisti ki yürekleri
ve elleri hiçbir seyi umursamadilar. Ayin sonunu zor getirdikleri günlerde
de ünlü bir doktor ve ünlü bir mimar olduklarinda da hep mutluydular. Zaman
asimina ugrayan, aliskanliklara yenik düsen, banka hesabinda para kalmadigi
için ya da tam tersine o hesabi daha da kabarik hale getirmek uguruna
bitip-tükeniveren sevgilerden degildi onlarinki… Günler günleri, yillar
yillari kovaladikça sevgileri de büyüdü, büyüdü… Tek eksikleri
çocuklarinin olmamasiydi. Zorlu bir tedavi sürecine ragman çocuk sahibi
olmayinca, “bütün
mutluluklarin bizim olmasini beklemek, bencillik olur” diyerek devam ettiler
hayatlarina. Çocuk yerine, sevgilerini büyüttüler… “Senin için ölürüm”
derdi kadin, simsiki sarilip adama ve adma “Hayir, ben senin için ölürüm”
diye yanit verirdi hep…
Bazen eve geldiginde, aynanin üzerinde bir not görürdü kadin, “Bir tanem,
kütüphanenin ikinci rafina bak….” Kütüphanenin ikinci rafinda baska bir
not olurdu, “Mutfaktaki masanin üzerine bak ve seni çok sevdigimi sakin
unutma” Mutfaktaki masadan, salondaki dolaba sevgi dolu notlari okuya okuya
kosturan kadin, sonunda kimi zaman bir demet çiçek, kimi zaman en sevdigi
çikolatalar, kimi zaman da pahali armaganlarla karsilasirdi… Aldigi
hediyenin ne oldugu önemli degildi zaten….
Hayat ne kadar hizli akarsa aksin, isleri ne kadar yogun olursa olsun hep
birbirlerine ayiracak zaman buluyorlardi bulmasina ama kirkli yaslarin
ortalarina geldiklerinde, daha az çalismaya karar verdiler. Adam, hastaneden
ayrildi ve muayenehanesinde hasta kabul etmeye basladi. Kadin da mimarlik
bürosunu kapadi ve sadece özel projelerde görev aldi. Artik daha fazla
beraber olabiliyorlardi. Bir gün sahilde dolasirken, harap durumda bir ev
gördü kadin, üzerinde “satilik” levhasi asili olan. “Ne dersin, bu evi
alalim mi?” dedi adama. “Bu viraneyi yiktirir, harika bir ev yapariz.
Projeyi kafamda çizdim bile. Kocaman terasi olan, martilari kahvaltiya davet
edecegimiz bir deniz evi yapalim
burayi…” “Sen istersin de ben hiç hayir diyebilirmiyim?” diye yanit verdi
adam. “Amerika’daki tip kongresinden döner dönmez ararim emlakçiyi… Kaç
para olursa olsun, burasi bizimdir artik….”
Sadece bir hafta ayri kalacaklarini bildikleri halde, ayrilmalari zor oldu
adam Amerika’ya giderken.Her gün, her saat konustular telefonla. Gözyaslari
içinde kucaklastilar havaalaninda. Fakat birkaç gün sonra, kocasinda bir
tuhaflik oldugunu fark etti kadin. Eskisi kadar mutlu görünmüyor,
konusmaktan kaçiniyordu. Onu neselendirmek için, sahildeki evi hatirlatti ve
çizdigi projeyi verdi kadin ama hiç beklemedigi bir cevap aldi: “Canim, o ev
bizim bütçemizi asiyor. Sen en iyisi o evi unut…”
Mutsuzluk, mutlulugun tadina alismis insanlara daha da aci, daha da çekilmez
gelir. Kadin, hiç sevmedi bu beklenmedik misafiri. Derdini söylemesi için
yalvardi adama, “Senin için ölürüm, biliyorsun, ne olur anlat” diye dil
döktü bos yere… Yillardir sevdigi adam, duyarsiz ve sevgisiz biriyle yer
degistirmisti sanki. Ona ulasmaya çalistikça, beton duvarlara çarpiyordu
kadin, her çarpmada daha fazla kaniyordu yüregi…
Bir gün, çocuklugunun, gençliginin ve bütün hayatinin birlikte geçtigi
arkadasina dert yanarken, “Artik dayanamiyorum, sana söylemek zorundayim”
diye sözünü kesti arkadasi. “O, seni aldatiyor. Is yerimin tam karsisindaki
restoranda genç bir kadinla yemek yiyiyor her öglen. Sonra sarmas dolas
biniyorlar arabaya….”
“Sus, sus çabuk, duymak istemiyorum bu yalanlari” diye bagirdi kadin. Onca
yillik arkadasini, kendisini kiskanmakla suçladi…. Ertesi gün, ögle vakti
o restoranin hemen karsisinda bir köseye sindi sessizce ve peri masallarinin
sadece masal oldugunu anladi… Kocasinin eskiden ayni hastanede çalistigi
genç çocuk doktorunu tanidi hemen. Bazen evlerinde agirladiklari kadina
nasil sarildigini
gördü adamin…
Aksam kocasi eve gelir gelmez, bazen bagirip, bazen aglayarak, bazen ona
simsiki sarilip bazen de yumruklayarak haykirdi suratina her seyi. Inkar
etmedi adam. Zamanla duygularin degisebildigi, insanlarin orta yasa
geldiklerinde farklilik aradigi gibi bir seyler geveledi agzinda ve bavulunu
alip gitti evden. Kapidan çikarken, “son bir kez kucaklamak isterim seni”
diyecek oldu ama kadin, “defol” dedi nefretle…
Ilk celsede bosandilar… Modern bir ask hikayesinin böyle son bulmasina
kimse inanamadi. Arkadaslarinin destegiyle ayakta kalmaya çalisti kadin.
Adamin, sevgilisiyle birlikte Amerika’ya yerlestigini ögrendi. Bazen yalniz
kaldiginda, onu hala sevdigini hissedince, aglama nöbetleri geçiriyor, askin
yerini, en az onun kadar yogun bir duygu olan nefretin almasi için dua
ediyordu.
Aradan bir yil geçti… Her seyin ilaci oldugu söylenen zaman bile, kadinin
derdine çare olamamisti. Bir sabah, israrla çalan zilin sesiyle uyandi.
Kapiyi açtiginda, karsisinda o kadini gördü. “Sen, buraya ne yüzle
geliyorsun” diye bagirmak istedi ama sesi çikmadi. “Lütfen, içeri girmeme
izin ver, mutlaka konusmamiz gerekiyor.” dedi genç kadin. Kanepeye ilisti ve
zor duyulan bir sesle konusmaya
basladi: “Hiçbir sey göründügü gibi degil aslinda. Çok üzgünüm ama o bir
saat önce öldü. Geçen yil Amerika’daki kongre sirasinda ögrendi hastaligini
ve yaklasik bir senelik ömrü kaldgini. Buna dayanamayacagini, hep söyledigin
gibi onunla birlikte ölmek isteyecegini biliyordu. Seni kendinden
uzaklastirmak için, benden sevgilisi rolünü oynamami istedi. Ailesine de
haber vermedi. Birlikte Amerika’ya yerlestigimiz yalanini yaydi. Oysa ilk
karsilastiginiz otobüs duraginin karsisinda bir ev tutmustu. Tedavi görüyor
ve kurtulacagina inaniyordu ama olmadi. Gece fenalasmis, bakicisi beni
aradi, son anda yetistim. Sana bu kutuyu vermemi istedi…” Gözlerinden
akan yaslari durduramayacagini biliyordu kadin. Hemen oracikta ölmek
istiyordu. Eline tutusturulan kutuyu açmayi neden sonra akil edebildi.
Itinayla katlanmis bir sürü kagit duruyordu kutuda. Ilk kagitta, “Lütfen
bütün notlari sirayla oku bir tanem” diyordu… Sirayla okudu; “Seni çok
sevdim”, “Seni sevmekten hiç vazgeçmedim”, “Senin için ölürüm derdin hep,
dogru söyledigini bilirdim.” “Fakat benim için ölmeni istemedim” “Simdi bana
söz vermeni istiyorum.” “Benim için yasayacaksin, anlastik mi?” son kagidi
eline alirken, kutuda bir anahtar oldugunu gördü kadin… Ve son kagitta
sunlar yaziliydi:
“Sahildeki evimizi senin çizdigin projeye göre yaptirdim. Kocaman terasta
martilarla kahvalti ederken, ben hep seni izliyor olacagim….”

They had been met at a bus stop for the first time... One was studying

medicine, and the other architecture. After the first meeting, for one

more, for one more, to meet for one more time, they got on the same bus

at the same time, from the same stop, all the time. They were young,

very young... It took some time for them to find the courage to talk to

each other but they achieved it. In fact, they were not living in the

same district where they got on the bus. The boy got on the bus from

that stop because he was staying at his friend, and the girl, at her

sister... After a while they admitted laughing that they were leaving

their houses early in the morning and were going to that stop, their

stop only to see each other...

They got married when they finish their school. They were happy, so

happy... Sometimes they were unemplyed, sometimes without money, but

their hearts and hands were clasped together so tight that their hearts

and hands did not care anything else. Either the days when they hardly

ended the last day of the month, or when they became a popular doctor

or an architect, they were happy. Their love was not the love that was

time-barred, defeated by habits, finished because there was no money in

their bank account or finished in order to make the bank account

bigger... Their love became bigger and bigger after days, and days;

years and years. The only thing missing was not having children. When

they could not be able to have children after a difficult treatment

period, they said "That would be so selfish to ask every happiness to

be ours" and continued their life. They raised their love instead of a

child... "I would die for you", the woman was saying and hugging the

man and he was always responding "No, I would die for you."

Sometimes when she came home, she was seeing a note on the mirror "My

only one, look at the second shelf of the bookcase." There was another

note on the second shelf of the bookcase "Look at the top of the table

in the kitchen and do not forget that I love you so much." The woman,

running from the table in the kitchen to the cupboard in the living

room with reading the notes full of love, was seeing a bouquet of

flowers, sometimes her favorite chocolates, and sometimes expensive

gifts... It was not important what to get anyway...

No matter how fast the life goes on, no matter how busy they are, they

were always finding time for each other. However they decided to work

less when they reached their middle fourties. The man left the hospital

and accepted patients in his office. And the woman closed her

architectural office and was assigned in private projects only. Now

they could be together more. One day, when they were walking on the

beach, the woman saw a ruined house which there was "For Sale" sign had

been hung. "What do you think? Could we buy this house?" asked the

woman to the man. "We can get this ruin demolished and build a great

house. I alredy drew the project in my mind. We would build a sea house

with a large terrace, where we can have our breakfast with seagulls..."

"You would want that, and I could ever say no?" said the man. "I would

call the realtor right after when I come back from the Medical Congress

in America... No matter how much it is, this is ours now..."

It was really hard to separate when the man was going to America even

though they knew that they would be separate only a week. They talked

every day, every hour on the phone. They hugged in tears at the

airport. But after a few days, the woman realized that there was

something wrong with her husband. He was not as happy as he used to be,

and he was avoiding to talk. To make him happy, she reminded the house

on the beach and gave him the project she drew, but she received an

answer that she was not expecting: "My dear, that house is over than

our budget. You better forget that house..."

Unhappiness becomes more painful, more unbearable for the ones who

reached the taste of happiness. The woman did not like this unexpected

visitor. She begged the man to tell his problem "I would die for you,

you know it, please tell me" said the woman for nothing... The man she

loved for years seemed like changed the place with someone who was

senseless and loveless. She was crashing concrete walls when she wsa

trying to reach him; her heart was bleeding more each crash.

One day, while she was complaining to her friend, who she spent her

childhood, youth and all her life together, she interrupted her and "I

cannot endure anymore, I have to tell you" said her friend. "He is

cheating you. He eats lunch every noon with a young woman at the

restaurant which is opposite to my workplace. They they leave and get

in a car in a close embrace..."

"Shut up! Shut up! I do not want to hear these lies!" cried the woman.

She blamed her old friend with jealousing her... The next day, at noon,

she hid a place in silence across the restaurant and realized that

fairytales were just tales... She recognized the young pediatrician who

was working with her husband before in the same hospital. She saw how

the man was hugging her who was invited to their house sometimes.

As soon as he arrived home in the evening, she cried out everything to

his face, sometimes shouting, sometimes crying, sometimes hugging him

so tight, sometimes punching him. The man did not deny it. He mumbled

something like the feelings might change in time, people search for

difference when they reach their middle ages and he left home with

taking his luggage. He was about to say "I want to hug you last time"

but the woman said "Get out!" with hatred...

They divorced in the first sitting... Nobody has believed the end of a

modern love story. The woman tried to stand with her friends support.

She learned that the man had moved to America with his lover.

Sometimes, when was alone, when she feeled that she still love him, she

was having crying jags, and praying for replacing this emotion with

another intense emotion, hatred.

One year had passed... Even the time which is called the cure of

everything could not be the cure for the woman´s problem. One morning,

she woke up with a persistent door bell. When she opened the door, she

saw that woman. "How come you came here?" she wanted to say but she

could not speak. "Please, let me go in, we really need to talk." said

the young woman. She sat the sofa and spoke with a sound that be heard

hardly: "Nothing is as it is appeared actually. I am very sorry but he

died an hour ago. He learned his sickness in the congress in America

last year and he had one-year life time. He knew that you could not

endure that wanted to die with him as you were alawys saying. He wanted

me to act like his lover to make you leave him. He did not tell

anything to his family too. He spreaded the lie of moving to America

together. In fact, he rented a house opposite to the bus stop you first

met. He was receiving a treatment and he was believing to be recovered

but that never happened. Last night, he got worse, his nurse called me,

I arrived in the last minute. He wanted me to give this box..." The

woman knew that she could not stop her tears. She was wanting to die

right there. She thought of opening that box handed to her long

afterwards. There were many papers folded carefully. On the first

paper, it was saying: "Please, read all notes one by one my only one."

She read them one by one; "I loved you so much,," "I never gave up

loving you," "You were always saying ´I would die for you´ I knew that

you were right," "But I did not want you to die for me," "Now, I want

you to promise me," "You will live for me, deal?" While taking the last

note, the woman saw a key... And on the last paper, these were written:

"I got our house on the beach built according to project you drew.

While you are having your breakfast with seagulls, I would always be

watching you..."

Wow Faruk, that was a long one... Thank you so much

I wish you a great day!!

Thanks

...and what a sad but lovely story it was. 

I agree with you Lady in red...