It isnt a matter of not wanting to explain things to you, the point is that as I said previously, my turkish isnt enough to express and explain myself fully to you and when I try it sometimes it causes misunderstandings exactly because I still need work out to get my turkish better. I have asked friends who are not from here to help me translate these things I sent you exactly because I cannot do it on my own for now.EVEN IN MY OWN COUNTRY I SEE THAT PEOPLE CANT UNDERSTAND ME AND THAT I CANT UNDERSTAND THEM EITHER,I FEEL I AM DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE, INCLUDING MY OWN FAMILY. IT IS LIKE LIVING IN A PLACE WHERE I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE BUT I DONT BELONG TO IT AT ALL, BEING THERE ANNOYED ME AND STILL HAVE TO LISTEN EVEN FROM MY GUESTS FROM MY OWN COUTRY THAT I HAVE A FOREING ACCENT AND EVEN DIFFERENT WAY TO BE. I cannot stand living without you, being apart and far away from you is out of question. I understand why we have to hide our relationship in this place and this is why I have not shared it with anyone from here. But if we end up getting married they will learn it but if you must know I am not afraid of what they might say and yes, it seems that people hate when others are happy since themselves are unhappy all the time.I will not forget you or stop loving you as long as I breath.I will come back for you and only you, you are the main reason I am standing every day in this place, you give me strenght to go on, I have thought several times about taking my life by going to get a bullet and shot it into my head before we got together if you want me to be very honest, but you have giving me piece of mind and happiness now, I hope you feel the same about me.I care about your wellness and happiness as much as you do for me and I know you didnt get what I said as if I was trying to play the victim since all I said was the truth about how I have lived here so far.

Canım, I was sad when I read your letter, especially the bit about how you had thought to take your life.

I know one of the Turks on this site will do an excellent job of translating your letter. I hope things work out with your friend.

There is a youth fiction book that may help you with the issue of feeling "different". It is called Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli. It is a real celebration of not falling into step with everyone else, and not bowing to peer pressure. Stargirl is really different, and she makes everyone´s life special because of it. It is fantastic, I hope you get the chance to read it ...

Here are some links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargirl_(novel)

1. http://www.jerryspinelli.com/stargirl.htm

Thank you so much for your kind message and the links you have sent me. I will read them as soon as I get a chance. Thank you very much one more time for your time and everything so far. We spoke on the phone a few times when I was living in Istanbul 3 years ago and I went to your shop 3 times but never got to meet you in person.

 I cannot stand living without you, being apart and far away from you is out of question. I understand why we have to hide our relationship in this place and this is why I have not shared it with anyone from here. But if we end up getting married they will learn it but if you must know I am not afraid of what they might say and yes, it seems that people hate when others are happy since themselves are unhappy all the time.I will not forget you or stop loving you as long as I breath.I will come back for you and only you, you are the main reason I am standing every day in this place, you give me strenght to go on,

Sensiz yaşamaya katlanamıyorum. Ayrı olmak, senden uzak olmak söz konusu bile olmaz. İlişkimizi bu yerde niçin saklamamız gerektiğini anlıyorum, bu yüzden bunu buradaki hiçkimseyle paylaşmadım. Ama eğer evlenirsek bunu öğrenecekler. Bilmeni isterim ki onların ne smyleyeceğinden korkmuyorum ve öyle görünüyor ki insanlar kendileri herzaman mutsuz olduğundan diğerlerinin mutlu olmasından nefret ediyorlar. Seni unutmayacağım ve nefes aldığım sürece seni sevmekten vazgeçmeyeceğim. Sadece ve sadece senin için geri döneceğim. Buraya katlanabilmemin ana sebebi sensin, bana devam etmek için güç veriyorsun.

Thank you so much for your help!!!!