Now listen I know this is alot of text and I dont expect it to be translated very quick. or maybe at all. But I really really hope someone could do this favour for me and translate it into turkish. I would be forever grateful and if theres something i could do for u i would gladly do it. becuz this means alot to me. thanks!!
"to the only guy ive ever loved"
it really was a strange love. crazy love. stupid love.
but for me it was 100% love. not a game. not an imagination.
i couldnt see u standing infront of me. i couldnt feel u with my hands.
but i could feel u in my heart. through my whole body. it was like being drunk,
of happiness. it was real enough for me. i even wrote about u in my diary, the place
where i write down my most private stuff. if everyone says im crazy, then let me be
forever crazy in love with u.
did we made the right choices? no we didnt. we both made the worste choices we could make. year after year of fighting. making each other sad. playing with each others feelings. hurting each other in many ways. to never meet each other was the biggest mistake and worste choice of all. it was mostly my fault. but u are not completely innocent about it either. the problem is that we always blamed each other. there was a time when we were so happy and hopeful about each other. talking about our future plans and what we wanted to do together. it was not a game for me. i really wanted it, from the deepest part of my heart. i was so much in love with u, every day and every night all i could think about was u. my heart was so filled with love for u. and i was saying to myself and to everyone else that i will never let this guy go. but deep inside of me i knew that one day u would hurt me very bad. i always felt insecure about u. i knew that something was wrong. something inside me was telling me to be careful about trusting u. but i ignored it. until the day u really broke my heart for the first time. i remember it like it was yesterday. after that, things was never the same between us again. so much trust issues and jealousy started. so heavy fights and insults.
there is always one question that forever will stay in my mind. "what wouldve happened if i had come to u?" we will never know.
imagine u and me looking into each others eyes for the first time, face to face. holding each others hands. touching each other. feeling each other. our hearts close to each other. the first hug. the first kiss. laughing together. sitting down and talking about how stupid we were to wait so long to finally meet. fall asleep together. waking up together. and start a new life together, forgetting about the bad past. understanding that we are not perfect people and we both betrayed each other in different ways. but life is short and forgiving is important.
these things will always stay in a part of my head. "what if...."
maybe we were not perfect for each other. but i guess we really tried. maybe not enough. but its too late now. sometimes our love feels like it was just a lie, a stupid fairytale. did u loved me? ask yourself and think about it. we been through alot of things, hard times, happy times. we seperated a million times for a million of reasons. but we always found our way back to each other. this time it wont happen again. i feel it. this really is the end. we will find someone else to love and to make a family with. let us both be happy. and let us be happy for each others sake. maybe we can follow each other in some way through the years. in a friendly way. from a distance. you will see what happens to me in the future. and i will see what happens to u.
and maybe some day, after many many years. when we both have families. we will say a greeting to each other. maybe we even would meet. in a respectful way. why? becuz we spent so many years apart. becuz u were my first love. becuz it ended so bad. becuz we deserved it. there are many reasons. destiny is the only thing i trust in. destiny will decide.
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