so marriage as a duty for big part of Turkish people>>>>http://www.bilkent.edu.tr/~ianr/presentations/optimism/sampleessay.htm

Oh god! I can't believe someone actually sees positive sides to this. I feel so sorry for those people. It's like their families put them in lifetime prisons. Obviously women suffer more then guys, cause they are abused and cheated on but can't retaliate.
I expect that some people will defend this idea, it comes from certain mentality and outlook on life and living in a society where individuality is not respected.

+1 Catwoman!

I remember a lengthy talk with my Egyptian friend who was trying to convince me that arranged marriages are a good choice for women as they give them the safety they need. To me it sounds no different than a sexist statement that women are a weaker sex and thus unable to take care of their own selves. Come on, maybe you haven't heard about it yet, but it is the 21st century! Women have their right to work, to live the life they want and, what follows, make independent decision as for whom to marry, if at all.

It is not the sex that limits us - it is the men who still think themselves one-better than us and who think that their sex lets them make choices for us, at least in some parts of the world.

Joseph Conrad's words put it really well: "Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men."

Very well put Daydreamer. To me it feels like a straight up human rights violation.

The guys who like this idea sound like insecure people who want a sex worker and a housewife-prisoner that cannot leave them, while to a large extent keeping their 'freedom'. They don't realize that they set themselves up for horrible, sad lifes.

However, people who grew up this way and don't know better, will feel comfortable in this role as they're not equipped to deal with responsibility and respect to other people's feelings (especially spouse's). Their life is more about duty, instead of self-fulfillment and creativity.

I don't know what your Daydreamer experience is with this stuff, but from mine I saw that these things were quite fading away in Poland during my mother's generation (in the villages), during my grandmother's generation it was pretty common.

But you didn't notice something ?

They are not talking about arranged marriage only for women,it is for the men too !

There is much difference in introducing people to each other,and arranged marriage

Arranged marriage is a big mistake,pay for it both sides,even added later another helplessly side too

Kids

oh no, I noticed it Canli, I think I even mentioned it but also remarked that women suffer more from it. for example why is it taht only unfaithful women become outcasts and men dont??? not that I support cheating, but this shows clearly that there are unfair rules in this arrangement.

i know a turkish man who was forced into an arranged marriage who seems very unhappy, his older brother has an english wife which i found strange but maybe thats why the arranged marriage was forced on him. he isnt violent or unfaithful to her though even though he seems unhappy.

That is very sad and horrible . However, I didn't say that every guy cheats, what I said is that those that do, are excused by the society in a way that an unfaithful woman isn't.

What part of Turkey is this person from, if you don't mind sharing?

The book 'ince memed' by Yaşar Kemal shows how arranged marriages can affect the life of entire villages.

ince Mehmet fell in love with a girl, Hatché (this is her name in the dutch translation :-S I find it a rather weird name translated like this!), but she was already 'promised' to the cousin of Abdi Aga (the 'boss' of 5 villages). The aga abused a lot of his villagers and wasn't loved. However, Hatchés family couldn't refuse the marriage proposal and they agreed. Hatché and Ince Mehmet decided to run away, but they got caught. Mehmet killed the fiancee of Hatché and shot Abdi Aga too. As Mehmet escaped and became a bandit in the woods, Hatché was brought to prison. I haven't finished the book yet, so more than this I don't know.. but many villagers suffered only because they didn't let those two young lovers marry!!