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Sen Vurdun da Ben Ölmedim mi? You shot and i didnt die?

Yokluğunda ne ateşleri hasretimle yaktım da
Bir seni yakamadım, beni yaktığın gibi
Çölde su, mahpusta gün, oruçta ekmek gibi bekledim seni
Sense araya korkular koydun.
Yasaklar koydun...
Şimdi nerdesin diye sakın sorma
Sen çağırdın da ben gelmedim mi?

Sen varken darılmazdım çiçeksiz baharlara,
Yağmurlu havalara...Bu kasvetli akşamlara
Sen varken
Bakıp içlenmezdim tren istasyonlarına
Otobüs duraklarına...
Sen varken ayrılanlara ağlamazdım...
Yıkılmazdım biten sevdaların ardından
Gidenlere küsmezdim
Kalanlara acımazdım...
Sen varken böyle üşümezdim-titremezdim
Masumdum, çocuklar gibi
Böyle delirmezdim-küfretmezdim...
Hele ölmeyi hiç düşünmezdim.
Şimdi soruyorum sana
Adı sevdaysa bu cehennemin
Sen yaktın da ben yanmadım mı?

Biliyorsun
Bütün acılarına 'yeşil ışık' yaktım olmadı
Bütün korkularına'arka çıktım'olmadı
Dağlara merdiven dayadım olmadı
Haziranda kar oldum yağdım avuçlarına olmadı
Sevdim olmadı -yandım olmadı-taptım olmadı
Artık benden pes
Bu aşkın biletini istediğin gibi kes
Nasılsa gidiyorsun
Biliyorum git...
Ama ardında
Ağlayan bir çift göz
Paramparça bir yürek
Ve yıkılmış bir dağ görmek istemiyorsan
Çek silahını-daya sırtıma
Titrersem namerdim...
Sen vurdun da ben ölmedim mi?


In your absence, what fires I burnt with your yearning, though
I couldn’t burn you, as you burnt me
Like water in desert, days in prison, bread in fasting, I waited for you
But you only put fears between us
You put bans
Don’t ever ask me where I am now...
You called me and didn’t I come?

Don’t used to offend to springs with no flowers, while you were here
To the rainy skies...these melancholic evenings
While you were here
Don’t used to look and sigh to train stations
To bus stops…
While you were here I don’t used to cry to ones get seperated
Don’t used to get down after finished loves
Don’t used to offend to the going ones
Don’t used to feel pitty for the staying ones
Don’t used to feel cold like that and shiver, while you were here
Was innocent, like children
Don’t used to get mad like that - dont used to swear
At last I dont used to think of dying
Now I am asking you
If it is hell the name of this love
You burnt me and didn’t I burn?

You know
To all your pains, I turned on 'green light', we couldn’t make it
For all your fears, I was 'back', we couldn’t make it
To the mountains, I put stairs, we couldn’t make it
I was a snow in June, snowed in your palms, we couldn’t make it
I loved, we couldn’t - I burnt, we couldn’t - I adored, we couldn’t
Well then, I give up
Cut the ticket of this love however you want
Somehow you are going
I know, go...
Though after you
A couple of crying eyes
A heard ripped to shreds
A ruined mountain, if you don’t want to see
Hold your weapon - push to my back
I am a coward if I shiver...
You shot me and I didn’t die?



Ahmet Selçuk İlkan
More poems of Ahmet Selçuk İlkan

Translated by SuiGeneris

This poem has been read 9365 times.

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