Hi there

Would really appreciate some opinions.

I have been seeing my boyfriend since October when I met him in Marmaris. I liked him a lot. He cried when I left the resort. We kept in touch for the period inbetween me going back there and he was saying he was in love with me. I went to go and see him at his Aunt's hotel and stay with him and he took me to his parent's house in north turkey. His parents are very nice people from what I've seen. I didn't spend a penny whilst i was there ( a week) and he paid for the flights, bus journeys to his parents home. I had a fantastic time.

He has said to me that if I cannot afford to pay for my travel expenses to see him and he cannot get visitors visa, he will pay for me to go and see him.

I have problems with trust though, not just with him but always with anyone I've been seeing and my friend set him up on MSN and tried tricking him into thinking she was a girl after him. He knew it was me though and after not speaking to me for a day or so he answered his phone. He said he has had many women but he hasn't felt this way about any of them. He wanted to know what he can do to make me trust him. I said I didn't know to be honest. Then he said that the only way I am going to trust him is for me to be with him all the time and he said that means either me moving to Turkey or him coming here. I said that I wanted him to see my culture and meet my family and friends. He said that to get a visitor's visa is very difficult he has friends who have tried and failed and that if he applies and he gets refused he will have to wait two years before he can re-apply. Then he said the only way to gaurantee it is if I marry him.

I said to him that I wouldn't marry someone I've only known 3 months. He said to me how long will it take for you to know me? And i basically said longer than normal as we are in different countries and only see once every two months or so. I said to him we should wait and he said "then if we wait, after two or three years you might decide that is it and then I am back to square one" He said that he is nearly 28 years old, he has met the girl that is special to him and he doesn't want to waste any more time. He said that I am the first person he has felt this way about. He said he doesn't want all different girls, he wants just one that he can have wife and children with. I said to him that there was no way I would marry, he would have to come here on a visitor's visa first and see my culture, live together and then see if we still love. He said "okay then, you are right. we will wait then.I love u very much." I then said to him you cannot seriously want to marry a girl you've only known three months and he said that he knows enough about my personality to know he loves me.

I am unsure. I mean i do think by his actions that he genuingly thinks a lot of me but.....

He was with a girl for 7 years from Holland and when he went into the National Service, it finished. He never went to visit her in Holland and she used to just visit him twice a year. He has said that he did love her but it had to finish when he did his national service cos they couldn't communicate with each other any more. I've asked him why didn't he marry her? and he said he was too young then.

I was okay but now I'm having warning bells cos my friends think he is very desperate and just after a visa...can anyone advise?

I dont think you really have a problem, do you? You say you have only known this guy for 3 months and are (sensibly) not planning to marry him anytime soon, so do you need to establish his motives, trustworthines at this stage? You can only draw conclusions about this guy's character over time.

The only thing you can decide is if this relationship is making you happy. If you find you are worried/jealous more than 20% of the time, then I would get out of it! Why be with someone if he can't make you happy?

Anyway....goodluck

Hiya thanks for replying

He does make me very happy and I feel secure in the constant contact. He's always where he says he is going to be etc, the only reason why I am jealous and paranoid is because of all the bad press about Turkish men.

I am just worried now why he wants to marry me so soon. My friend said he sounds desperate, but for what she doesn't know.

I can understand what you mean. Its not "Turkish men", but any resort workers from any country who are a bit "suspect". I would just keep telling him that you have no intention of marrying for "years" yet, and see how he reacts over time

Perhaps there should be a new section added to TC:

Problem Page - see Aunty Aenigma, Aunty Libralady for down to earth, honest, (and perhaps ones you dont like) anwers to your problems

I tend to agree with your friend! Money, visa, marriage, why do they always crop up?? There are just hundreds of stories exactly the same as yours. Why not keep contact via MSN and see how things go.