I knew that Turks were the inventors of sex   Statistics of translations stand for it.

A Hungarian joke. The Hungarian orange

In a communist movie, people plant orange trees, but when the fruits ripen, they turn out to be lemon trees. The chief of agricultural works proudly states: It is small, it is yellow, it is sower, but is ours!!! This is the Hungarian orange!

Just sprang into my mind seeing lemon here

Dear lemon! In the end, we are all fruits. Only the burial mausoleum´s pompousity varies.

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned. There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight´s concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don´t I?"

A missionary is sent into deepest darkest depths of Africa to live with a tribe. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and good Christian values. One thing he particularly stresses is the evil of sexual sin. ´Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!´

One day the wife of one of the Tribe´s noblemen gives birth to a white baby. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary. "You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village. Anyone can see what´s going on here!" The missionary replies, "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to the field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one blackone. Nature does this on occasion." 

The chief pauses for a moment then says, "Tell you what, you don´t say anything about the sheep, I won´t say anything about the white baby."

Horrible joke!

thehandsom  DISliked this message!!

I expect that lemon will like this:

A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn´t know what to do.

He goes to his Rabbi to seek advice. He tells the Rabbi about all of his problems in the business and asks the Rabbi what he should do.

The Rabbi says "Take a beach chair and a Bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water´s edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will riffle the pages for a while and eventually the Bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the first words your eyes fall on and they will tell you what to do."

The man does as he is told. He places a beach chair and a Bible in his car and drives down to the beach. He sits on the chair at the water´s edge and opens the bible. The wind riffles the pages of the Bible and then stops at a particular page. He looks down at the Bible and his eyes fall on words which tell him what he has to do.

Three months later the man and his family come back to see the Rabbi.

The man is wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, The wife is all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the child is dressed in beautiful silk. The man hands the Rabbi a thick envelope full of money and tells him that he wants to donate this money to the synagogue in order to thank the Rabbi for his wonderful advice.

The Rabbi is delighted. He recognizes the man and asks him what words in the Bible brought this good fortune to him.

The man replies: "Chapter 11"

S--

I dont understand the joke.   Explain pleaseeeeeeeee.

Actually, I didn´t either. I was expecting you would. You should have known about "Chapter 11" more than me, right?

lol, you don´t need bible (or torah) knowledge for this one, but business knowledge! Chapter 11 is when you file for bankruptcy in America. It´s for people that are bankrupt, but still want to try and start again and reorganize their business. It´s a good way to file for bankruptcy, and still being able to emerge with a good working company. It gets a lot of criticism since it protects the person filing for bankruptcy too much (compared to your competition in business).

Oh boy! Live and learn. Thanks.