I would like to ask for help in order to have the above text translated. It is a very important personal topic to me, regarding a very important person in my life.

If anybody can help, i will be very very grateful.

MCD

"Seninle tekrar ayrýldýðýmýzda sana ait ne varsa hayatýmdan hepsini çýkarýp attým. Bir daha ayný þeyleri yaþamak istemiyordum. Ayný þeyleri yaparsan, eskinin eþyasýný tutarsan ona olan baðýný da tutarsýn ; ben ne varsa sildim attým. Bumerang gibi hayat ama seçme hakkýnda var. Bununla ilgili çok þeyler yaptýmda. Filmler klasörünün içine nasýl olmuþsa space diye bi dosyanýn içine girmiþ eski resimleri gördüm.. aldýðýn çiçekler, komik anlar, romantik anlar, kýrýlgan anlar  vs hepsi var..sana nasýl kýzgýndým anlatamam bunu..hak ediyordun da aslýnda.Þunu baþlarken kafamdan silmek istedim sanýrým ´´cenan artýk eskisi gibi deðil; deðiþti´´ ama  bu koca bi yalan, çünkü sen busun.Ben bunu inkar ederek koca bi yalana da ortaklýk yaptým seninle. Ben gücü seven biriyim ve bunu yadsýyarak, hayýýýýr sevmiyoruuuuuuum diyerek içimdekileri örtbas etmeye çalýþmýþým. Ve senin en büyük eksik tarafýna denk geliyordu bu da.. ailesine karþý çýkamayan, hatta hala onlardan harçlýk alan vs vs vs.. çok dallandýrmaya gerek olmayan örnekler bunlar ama güç önemli bir þey. Sevgine, aþkýna, özgürlüðüne sahip çýkabiliyorsun bu sayede. Hayallerine bile Önemli olan para da deðil burada, kendin olabilme dürtüsüne sahip olabilmen. Bu bile her isteyene verilmiyor. Karþý koymak bile bir çaba iþi. Motivasyon, inanç, ayaktakalabilme dürtünü körüklüyorsaaa gidemeyeceðin yer yok gibi  ama sende para deðil en baþýnda inanç yoktu. Ýnanýr gibi oynuyorsun ama bana deðil en baþta kendine söylediðin koca bir yalan.

Tüm bunlar, bu resimler, hepsi yalan falan deðil- hiç olmadý da benim için-. Sonuna dek inandým. Ama maalesef ki erkek deðilim. Türk toplumunda erkeklik bitmiþ okeye dönüyor zaten. Kaçamak çok sizin için bu konuda. Bi sürü taþ var ardýna sýðýnabileceðin. Bak bu cüssenle askerde iþe yaramaz kaya ardýna saklanmak ama bu konuda kimse göremiyor bile seni.

Vee bir çok insanýn ardýnda býrakcaðý gibi bizde dünyada kendimizden izler býrakarak ilerliyoruz. Bizim izimiz de bu olmuþ oldu.. aþkýn resmi olmayan resimleri.

Bu çok komik bi resim di mi..  yaþamýn kurallarý vs bilmemnesi var mý..buna uyan uymayan nereye gider bilmiyorum da. Bana gidenlerde biþi demedi. Ama madem ki bu düzlemde yaþýyoruz. Yine de kendimi alamýyorum ben tümü düþünmekten.cenan menan hikaye en az ebrunun olduðu kadar. Yaþayýp gidiyoruz nihayetinde kurumlarýnda evliliðinde birlikteliðinde hatta…..dolambaçlý oyun oynamak gereksiz artýk.. özgürlüðünün tadýný çýkar ...ben öyle yapýyorum. Kim bilir belki bi daha karþýlaþamayýz belki .. tüm diðer insanlarýn yaþadýðý sonu bizde yaþayacaðýz nihayetinde. Belki yataðýmýzda belki bi hastane koðuþunda belki bi arabanýn altýnda.. belki de okyanusun sonsuzluðunda .. ölüm ne þekilde gelirse gelsin hoþ gelsin. Belki bilmek istersin sana kýzgýn deðilim..zaman zaman kýzsam da aslýnda olmamasý gerektiðini de biliyorum. yaþý ne olursa olsun bazý insanlar böyle. Sana mý ailene mi kýzmalý..yoksaa aaa toplumun dayattýýýýý duygularý neden yerine getirmedin aþaalýk mý demeli. sittiret … ama senin ipinle kuyuya da inilmezmiþ o da baþka mevzu..  ben her þekilde mutluyum. Umarým sende mutlusundur. Çok kiþi çevremde senin erkek olmadýðýný da söyledi.. biþi mi demeliyim yoksa umursamamalýyým..yoksa kaçmalý mýyýýým…..ben her zaman kaçmak taraftarý oldum hayatta sanýrým. Ne sorunumu anlattým çözsünler diye, yargýlasýnlar diye..amaan..herþey kiþinin kendinde kalsýn gerçekten de.. kaçmak en iisi ..ben bunu istiyorum demiyorum iþte.. o ne istiyorsa onu düþünsün.çünkü öyle bi özgürlüðünün  olduðunu düþünüyorum..kaderini yaþamalý insanoðlu.. on sene sonra  sana evlenme teklifi eden kiþi çooook zengin olduuum dedikten sonra da bu kaybý yaþamalý.. silah tüccarý olmasýnýn da bedeli olmalý insanýn hayatýnda,  birinin dünyasýný yýkmanýn da ..mutsuzluktan payý olanlar almalý haklarýný. Nereye varmaya çalýþýyorum en baþýndan beri. Sana kýzgýn deðilim.. seni gerçekten seviyorum.. çok þekersin..çok çocuksun..ama o kadar..fazlasý olurdu olmazdý anlamsýz artýk.. . Çok teþekkürler zaman kazancý için..nerdesin ne haldesin bilmiyorum yazma da bunun karþýlýðý olmasýn. Karþýlýk beklemiyorum hiçbiþiden. Umarým iyi olursun..ama kestirme yoldanbiþi olmuyor.. olsada olmuyor… bunu biliyorum.. hemde çok iyi biliyorum."

 When we split up again I threw away everything that belonged to you. I didn´t want to live through the same things again. If you do the same things, and hold on to old possessions, you are holding on to your connection to the person; whatever I had I deleted it and threw it out. Life is like a boomerang, but you have the right to choose. I did lots of things like this. I saw old photos of you that had somehow got into a file called Space in the films folder ... the flowers you bought, comic moments, romantic moments, hurt moments etc, they were all there ... I can´t tell you how cross I was with you ... and you deserved it. As I started this I wanted to wipe it out from my mind because "Cenan is not like she used to be, she has changed" but this is a huge lie beause you are this.

 Denying this I became a partner with you in this huge lie. I am one who loves strength and I tried to cover up what was inside by denying this and saying nooooooooooo I don´t loooove. And this balanced off your biggest weakness ... one who didn´t come against your familu, in fact still getting pocket money from them etc etc ... these are examples that don´texplaining, but strength is an important thing. You can take ownership of your love and your freedom this way. Even of your dreams. The important thing here is not money, but that you have the drive to be yourself. This isn´t even given to everyone  who wants it. standing up for yourself takes effort. With motivation, belief, and the instinct to stay on your feet there is no place you cannot go, but you were lacking not money but first and foremost faith. You pretend to believe, but not in me, and this is a huge lie that you have told first of all to yourself.

 Not all of these, these pictures, were lies - at least not for me. I believed till the end. But sadly I am not a guy. In Turkish society manliness is finished and is turning into OK (sorry ... I didn´t quite get this bit for you). Fleeing is a subject for you. There are loads of rocks you can hide behind. Look with your body you can hide behind a stone that is no good to anyone in the army, but no one even sees you here .

And just as a lot of people do, we too will leave our mark on this earth as we go forward. Our marks are this ... pictures without love.

this is a funny picture, isn´t it ... rules of life and whatever else who knows ... I don´t know where the ones who obey them or don´t obey them go. The ones who went didn´t say anything to me either. But it seems we live with this set up.

 Again I can´t keep myself from thinking about all of this. The story of Cenan and the rest, as much as Ebru. We live and go, in the end in marriage and togetherness ... it is not necessary to play a complicated game any more ... enjoy your freedom .. that is what I am doing. Who knows maybe we may never meet again ... we will in the end have the same ending as other people. Maybe in bed, maybe in a hospital ward, maybe under a car ... maybe in the endless ocean ... however death comes let it come, it is welcome. Maybe you want to know that I am not angry with you .. however much I am cross from time to time I know I shouldn´t be. Whatever there age, some people are like this

 Should I be cross at you or your family ... or should I call you cheap because you didn´t show the feelings society expected. But your rope didnt reach down into the well, that is another problem ... I am happy with everything. I hope you are happy too. Lots ofpeople around me told me you weren´t a man ... should I say somethign or ignore it ... or run away ... I guess I have always been one to run in my life. I didn´t explain my problems so that they could solve it, nor to judge it ... O god ... let everyone keep their own secrets .. the best thing is to run away .. I don´t say that I want this... let him think about what he wants. Because I think you have this freedom. A person has to write their own destiny.. After 10 years, the the person who will proposes to you says I am very rich, and they have to lose.

 Being a gun runner must cause you to pay in your life, the same with someone who ruins someone elses world ... Those who cause unhappiness must get what they deserve. Where have I been trying to ge to, from the start. I am not cross with you .. I truly love you .. you are very cute.. you are childish .. but that is it .. It is pointless now to wonder what else there could be.. Thank you for the time you won .. I don´t know where you are or what state you are in. don´t write so there is no response to this. I don´t expect a response from anyone. I hope youa re well... but nothing comes of short cuts .. I know that.. I know that very well.

How incredibly sad...........

Thank you, thank you for translating the text in such a beautiful and calm way. I really needed to "listen" to these words in my mind.

Thank you Marion