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E-T Poem anyone???
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| 1. |
16 Aug 2007 Thu 05:22 am |
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Please try to keep original meaning, but try to make it sound cool too? Is it possible? I wrote this Aug 2006 about the night before we were in a traffic accident and we had to part early. This is the moment I knew he really loved me, and I him. SEE BELOW!
Long and piercing,
you looked into me as I cried.
Thinking of leaving you,
and going so far away.
Your eyes told me so much.
You felt how much I loved you.
You felt my pain,
of no longer being by your side.
A perfect moment,
before it slipped into the next.
Only you and I together.
I think I saw you wipe your eyes,
and I was not alone.
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| 2. |
16 Aug 2007 Thu 06:14 am |
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man..my man its time for me to say..
but what makes a Friday night?
me and my girl friends..look it all so tight
get my keys..to the car
from a convoy our way to the bar
but i wonder.. where you are
always loved you from afar..when do i miss you?
why do i miss you so bad..
alright..alright man you look so fine
and i want you to be mine..
we will lie in the blues..
am gonna make my moves..getting close to you
is all i wanna do
i can remember so clearly..
you're all up in your havoc..u did not notice me?
so maybe..now's the time to make my move..man
so i asked him..if he'd be mine
could we share a little time?..
told me that we'll be just fine
could'nt beleive..i have him by my side
who would have thought..he had been mine
am i right?..straight to the top
man, have'nt you noticed..four times
as he calls me up on the phone every other night..
just let me show that im not getting lonely..
he did'nt come on time that i tell him..
so i said that he could hold in for a minute..
says on top of him..you wanna have me around
that's all i've been it..
he's my everything..and he's took care of me..
and he does all the things..
that he aint suppose to be..
and i imagine living without you..am..i love you?
..yes i do..
never thought my dreams would come true..
when i stopped and talked to you..
say i with your boy friends..
cause he's so damn fine..
wish that you could be mine..
but everytime i saw him..he'd always pass me by
never to catch his eye..
when you said to me....inside
you were this poem.........
 tesekkurler please give it a try!
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| 3. |
16 Aug 2007 Thu 06:40 am |
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and then there is that...you need to post your own 'poem' in your own spot please.
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| 4. |
16 Aug 2007 Thu 09:37 am |
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Quoting Badiabdancer74: Please try to keep original meaning, but try to make it sound cool too? Is it possible? I wrote this Aug 2006 about the night before we were in a traffic accident and we had to part early. This is the moment I knew he really loved me, and I him. SEE BELOW!
Long and piercing,
you looked into me as I cried.
Thinking of leaving you,
and going so far away.
Your eyes told me so much.
You felt how much I loved you.
You felt my pain,
of no longer being by your side.
A perfect moment,
before it slipped into the next.
Only you and I together.
I think I saw you wipe your eyes,
and I was not alone.
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Uzun ve keskin,
bakiyordun gozlerime, agladigimda.
Seni terk edecekmisim
ve cok uzaklara gidecekmisim korkusu ile.
Benim sendeki sevgimi hisettin
Acimi..
Artik seninle olamamaktan
..duyacagim aciyi hisettin.
Mukemmel bir andi,
ve bir sonraki 'an' a atladik hemen.
Sadece sen ve ben.
Sonra gozlerinden akan yasi silerken
...gordum seni
Sen de beni.
*Translation of Poems are hard, and just like a woman: if faithfull not beautiful , if beautiful not faithfull.
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| 5. |
17 Aug 2007 Fri 12:07 am |
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*Translation of Poems are hard, and just like a woman: if faithfull not beautiful , if beautiful not faithfull.
OUCH! I am pretty and faithful, how does that work??
So what parts did you change?
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| 6. |
17 Aug 2007 Fri 05:19 am |
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Quoting Badiabdancer74: *Translation of Poems are hard, and just like a woman: if faithfull not beautiful , if beautiful not faithfull.
OUCH! I am pretty and faithful, how does that work??
So what parts did you change? |
I am not certain that pisagor22 meant that they way you took it. But scanning it I suggest you request a reverse translation.(Don't have time, have to ride home)
But lines 3 and 4
"Seni terk edecekmisim
ve cok uzaklara gidecekmisim korkusu ile."
Means
If I should abandon you
and if I should go great distance away with fear
(maybe others will correct me, but I think some extra creativity was working)
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| 7. |
17 Aug 2007 Fri 11:03 am |
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Quoting Badiabdancer74: *Translation of Poems are hard, and just like a woman: if faithfull not beautiful , if beautiful not faithfull.
OUCH! I am pretty and faithful, how does that work??(AND DEMANDING :shy
So what parts did you change? |
I am not qualified to write English-Turkish that is "cool".
This is my literal and "uncool" reverse translation. I think pisagor22 did his best to make something sound good in turkish. This is literal to help you see how he pisgora22 rendered your ideas. It IMHO it is the best attempt you've had yet.
Uzun ve keskin, (same)
bakiyordun gozlerime, agladigimda.
You were looking into me, I cried
Seni terk edecekmisim
If I will be abandoning(or If Iwould possibly have abandoned)
ve cok uzaklara gidecekmisim korkusu ile.
and much distance I would have possibly gone with fear
Benim sendeki sevgimi hisettin Acimi..
you are the one that I love You felt my pain
Artik seninle olamamaktan
From being no longer with you
..duyacagim aciyi hisettin.
I will feel the pain you are feeling
Mukemmel bir andi,
An elegant moment that was
ve bir sonraki 'an' a atladik hemen.
and the one moment after we both jumped
Sadece sen ve ben.
Simply you and I.
Sonra gozlerinden akan yasi silerken
Whole After from the eyes moisture is wiping
...gordum seni
I saw you
Sen de beni.
You also to me
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| 8. |
17 Aug 2007 Fri 11:51 am |
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Quoting longinotti1: Quoting Badiabdancer74: *Translation of Poems are hard, and just like a woman: if faithfull not beautiful , if beautiful not faithfull.
OUCH! I am pretty and faithful, how does that work??
So what parts did you change? |
I am not certain that pisagor22 meant that they way you took it. But scanning it I suggest you request a reverse translation.(Don't have time, have to ride home)
But lines 3 and 4
"Seni terk edecekmisim
ve cok uzaklara gidecekmisim korkusu ile."
Means
If I should abandon you
and if I should go great distance away with fear
(maybe others will correct me, but I think some extra creativity was working) |
Firstly, pisagor did a great job. Poems should always be translated from foreign language into mother tongue, as only then so do they flow beautifully. That is why I didn't have a go at this one.
I agree that lines 3 and 4 include some interpretation, but they are not as far away from the original as others are suggesting.
Pisagor interprets you crying because you are afraid you will have to go:
"Seni terk edecekmisim
ve cok uzaklara gidecekmisim korkusu ile."
Literally means
With the fear that I will leave you and go a long way away.
I guess you meant you were crying because your time in Turkey had come to an end and you had to leave him and go a long way away, back to your home country.
Could you confirm if pisagor's interpretation was right, or not, and then pisagor can look at these 2 lines again.
Otherwise it is a WONDERFUL translation and I think every other line conveys the full essence of what you want to say.
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| 9. |
17 Aug 2007 Fri 11:55 am |
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I think pisagor was miles more faithful to the original than your translation suggests. I have adjusted your translation (in caps) so Badiabdancer doesn't get confused and think it isn't a good translation. I think it is ACE!!!
Uzun ve keskin, (same)
bakiyordun gozlerime, agladigimda.
You were looking into me, AS I cried
Seni terk edecekmisim
If I will be abandoning(or If Iwould possibly have abandoned)
ve cok uzaklara gidecekmisim korkusu ile.
and much distance I would have possibly gone with fear
SEE WHAT I WROTE ABOVE
Benim sendeki sevgimi hisettin Acimi..
YOU FELT MY LOVE FOR YOU You felt my pain
Artik seninle olamamaktan
..duyacagim aciyi hisettin.
YOU FELT THE PAIN THAT I will feel FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO BE WITH YOU ANYMORE
Mukemmel bir andi,
IT WAS A PERFECT MOMENT
ve bir sonraki 'an' a atladik hemen.
AND we both jumped IMMEDIATELY INTO THE NEXT MOMENT
Sadece sen ve ben.
Simply you and I.
Sonra gozlerinden akan yasi silerken
...gordum seni
THEN I saw you WIPING THE TEARS FROM YOUR EYES
Sen de beni.
You also SAW me
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| 10. |
17 Aug 2007 Fri 12:08 pm |
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Quoting Badiabdancer74: Please try to keep original meaning, but try to make it sound cool too? Is it possible? I wrote this Aug 2006 about the night before we were in a traffic accident and we had to part early. This is the moment I knew he really loved me, and I him. SEE BELOW!
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MarionInTurkey, Badiadancer said she wrote about an accident moment. Her afraid was not of leaving Turkey.
As i told before, my translation might not be faithful. But i think its a beautiful one.
Regards.
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