We all still need to laugh and I hope laughter is not banned by Tc Humour Police,I just want to share what I have got from one of my friends .Just rideculous company policy.Have fun and please share any funny translation ,texts,etc...that you encounter in life.Thanx for sharing if any....Any similar company policies to that one below?



VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

Company Policy: Effective from January 2006

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Annual Leave Days
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

I will put this up in my office...somehow I don't think my employees will think it is funny but it will be fun to watch their faces.

I found this very comical, thanks for sharing. It's a shame I can't share with our colleagues. However, I'm in HR and they would probably tend to believe it.

kafe kus kus
thanks
had my fun again apart from bed amerikans jointly produced soap opera about poor susan and her misarable days without her D (which they have awarded themselves with anacademy award without notifying me)

I can't stand seeing this anymore without saying something. It was really funny the first few times.
FEMME...write BAD BAD BAD American...Not BED American. A bed is what you sleep on bed = yatak... bad = kotu. Now...that being said if we use slang, someone can 'bed' an American.Here is an example sentence. "The Dudu was able to bed the American after 2 shots of Raki." Another example, "The bad American went to bed with the Dudu Turkish man."

Thanks, I'm glad you noticed I am joking!

Got another funny text and want to share,have fun)))



ADVICE FOR A WOMAN


1. Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander -- it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Hate to be a "party pooper" but I dont like Anti-Men jokes. They perpetuate stereotypical roles for men and women and encourage sexism

kafe kus kus

can you imagine the situation on earth if we send them all to the moon?

Not sure if this is more sad or funny, but here you go:

Connecticut...