But this one is real advice! Read it and you ll understand:
a) how men can please women
b) how can a man avoid driving a woman mad
c) that women are paranoid


In the world of marriage/romance, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed ( +1 )
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow ( 0 )
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets ( -1 )
You go out to buy her what she wants ( +5 ) In the rain ( +8 )
But return with Beer ( -5 )
You check out a suspicious noise at night ( 0 )
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing ( 0 )
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something ( +5 )
You pummel it with iron rod ( +10 )
It's her pet ( -10 )

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner ( 0 )
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ( +1 )
Okay, it's a sports bar ( -2 )
And it's all-you-can-eat night ( -3 )
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team ( -10 )

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie ( +2 )
You take her to a movie she likes ( +4 )
You take her to a movie you hate ( +6 )
You take her to a movie you like ( -2 )
It's called 'DeathCop' ( -3 )
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15 )

YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly ( -15 )
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it ( +10 )
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ( -30 )
You say, 'It doesn't matter, you have one too.' ( -8000 )

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, 'Do I look fat?' ( -5 ) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding ( -10 )
You reply, 'Where?' ( -35 )
Any other response ( -20 )

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _expression ( 0 )
You listen, for over 30 minutes ( +50 )
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV ( +500 )
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep ( -10000 )

Now what chance do you have???