Trees, birds, children and balloons
have seen I together
Of them I knit a world and
offer the world to you.

20th October'06, Turkey

Any comment is welcome.

No comment, huh? I swear I will no longer write poems. No one here understands, nor enjoys, poetry!

Nietzsche was right - "I am not the mouth for these ears."

Hello cyrano,

I've tried writing poetry in two other languages other than my mother tongue, and in both cases the mother tongue speakers of my target languages looked uncomfortable, tried to correct my grammar, and stole the magic from my words.

The thing is, the magic in any poetry someone writes is theirs and theirs alone, and the best way to create magic in poetry is through the language closest to your heart - and that's your mother tongue. The ideas in your poem are important, but - and maybe it's just my own feeling - the vehicle (i.e. the language) doesn't get them safely to their destination. How about writing in your mother tongue and trying to translate it as well as possible into English, providing an annotated original?
As Nirmal Verma once said when asked why he writes in Hindi instead of English: "Hindi is the language of my inner experience".

does any of this make sense....?

Dear Cyrano!

I think your poem is beautiful!

...go ahead, lan! The world is waiting for more! ...well...at least I am...

short and to the point, really gets the message across. I love it! keep at it and never give up!

Except if you "knit a world", that is the future, somthing you intend to do, but if you "knitted a world" it is something that you have already done.

So have you knitted it or will you knit it?

Cyrano,

That is how the world should be. I think that is what children see... somehow we get lost as adults.

It's a lovely poem

Christine

Dear Commentators,

Although my heart was once broken just because none of you gave a comment on my recent poem before my reproachful reminding, my special thanks go to you all. As you clearly pointed out, I believe that I did in fact a very good job. I must agree with all of you that my above poem is near being perfect, even can be regarded perfect.

As you might have already noticed, for the very recent years my poetry has been in the process of change. Even I can call this change "revolution" in my poetry. My earlier works was focused on concrete themes, such as the Orange Revolution in Ukrania and the most recent disaster in New Orlens, rather than goodness of nature and the world and love themes. (e.g. "trees, birds, children and ballons" in my above poem; "thinking of lover" in my previous poem.)

farasha - What you have uttered about poetry in relation to writing in one's mother language are totally true! Yet, I can consider myself as a fluent english speaker eve if I am not a native one. Please note that so far I have already written hundreads of poem in turkish, many of which was published in the past and a fine collection of which was translated into French, German and more recently into English. However, I can't help writing poems in english since I love it in english as well.

Aslan - please have no doubt that I will not keep wiriting. Sure I will, if not for the world, at least for you.

kai - I love to be short and direct. It is my being short and direct that differentiates me from other banal poets. Otherwise I would undoubtedly have sounded a Shakespearian poet.

aenigma - I think, too, that it is perfect. And as you have nicely pointed out, that's all what I have to show-the world is and should be about "being knitted together".

libralady - neither of them. Because, in general sense, "I knit a world" - both in the past, now and very probably in the future. By the way, as you might have noticed, I like to use conversion (e.g. "trees, birds, children and balloons have seen I together") in my poetry.

christine - I can't do anything other than to agree with you. Indeed I wanted to point out what children see. And I will not mention I myself am a child too.

Sincerely,
Cyrano de Bergerac, romantic poet

No response, huh? I swear I will no longer be polite and give a reply to anyone. No one here appreciates, nor needs, politeness.

I was right - "I am not the mouth for these ears."