Istanbul

by duskahvesi (4/11/2005)

English

My life, cut in the middle.. And the woman I love, who taught me what it means to live, in the other half of my life.. Istanbul..

 

At nights, with the departures lived under bright lights, with the silent sobs in the most noisy parts, with the chaotic atmosphere even in the calmest times of the city, with the smell of sea caressing my face when I am wandering her coasts, Istanbul is a woman whose name is hidden inside me..

 

I love the calmest places of this woman, instead of the bright spots. Eating in Kiz Kulesi (Leander's Tower) after midnight, watching her in the spot lights falling on the old walls of Topkapi Palace, telling sad stories to myself..

 

With the graceful posture making you shudder in the most dense hours of time, with the liveliness at every moment of the day, with the sweet sins she makes you commit, with the look of a youg girl with a thin body, with the lust driving you crazy, Istanbul, the city I live in..

 

Istanbul…

The woman of my life..

 

If I see rain in Istanbul, I cry.. There is a demolishing in Istanbul, I feel like I am stabbed in the chest.. Istanbul catches a cold, I feel terribly sick..

 

The woman I am in love with, Istanbul..

 

The city you should wander on foot during the day, and on a raft at nights..

 

A giant city, Istanbul, who knows how many loves she diminished inside, how many people she swallowed, how many she lessened, how many deads she hosted, how many emperors she un-crowned..

 

How can one be alone in Istanbul?

 

On one side, Istiklal Caddesi (Independence Street), on the other side Kiz Kulesi (Leander's Tower), on another side Topkapi Palace with all its splendor, and Hagia Sophia.. Each one is like a graceful woman.. Competing to make me forget my loneliness..

 

A separate world in itself, resisting time, and having all the beauties of the world.. Istanbul..

 

Istanbul.. The capital of my loneliness.. Was it departure when I was still loved or was it getting further and further at the cost of bleeding my wounds, when I was still in love?

 

Which was the one that hurts most?

 

That she is my loneliness, that she loves me or that she keeps away from me?

 

Which one was the worst?