I don't like using the word 'boyfriend', it kinda means that I just have a friend who is a 'boy'.. without implying anything deeper about the relationship. I like saying 'my man' instead, and that's also how I feel.
It's difficult to talk about feelings in general, sometimes they are very intangible and trying to give them names cuts off some important parts or aspects. Therefore I won't talk about feelings but just a little bit about my thoughts, which was supposed to be the purpose of this message.. .
My man is truly wonderful. Yeah, yeah.. you can say - everybody is wonderful, lovely.. etc. I agree, everyone is wonderful in his own way, but how many times can you look at the same flower and think to yourself 'oh my God!'? I also, never believed that it's possible to keep being amazed with the same thing over and over again. Moreover, when I don't experience his presence for some time, I go: I'm fine by myself and I don't need anybody to make me happy... I admit that I still long for his voice.. But when he comes around again and keeps being the usual 'him' I stand rapt in awe, just like I did before. And it really makes me wonder, how can it always be so good? I guess he's the most wonderful man I can imagine...

Hi!
I dont understand - Your letter for who?
Is it advertising? And which kind or reaction Your
letter must do?
I am so stupid.. Illustrate me,please.

Vovka.

So how long have you known this guy and how much of him have you seen?

If you're away from him for long periods how do you cope - how do you know he's faithful?

Hmm.. you ask difficult questions about this subtle topic. I've known him for just a few months, so obviously I haven't had too many chances to see the 'true him' (I might be surprised one day!) but there are some things that show me almost every day that this man deserves the best of me. I think you have to look both at the big and small picture and see how they suit your needs - what does he do in his daily life? and how does he make sure that you're happy? If you find a problem with any of these things, try to solve it but nothing changes, then I guess it's not a good sign; but if you see that without trying to force anything things just seem to fit together, you can say that you found someone who is worthy of your feelings. Then if things continue to do well, you can trust that person about bigger things and just let him make you happy. I think that if you have any problems, it's important to talk about them and see how they can be fixed, if the other person understands and makes sure that you don't have wrong doubts, that's another good sign. This way you build trust from your experiences. I guess this 'strategy' is working well for me so far and that's why I can say that he's my baby and my love . I hope I answered your questions..

The important thing is that you are happy. If people ask you how do you know if he is being faithful, tell them how important trust is in a relationship.

iyi gùnler ..

beautiful stories one and all.
Love Liz
xx

I believe i can tell anything about my turkish boy over here ...can i?
All i believ it is that from all of the boyfriends (and yes i also hate calling them so)i ever had...my turkish boy ...he is the best...so romantic and lovely...im spanish ..so we are sort of a funny mix...he is conservative some times and i believe most of the time im not...he is very open minded but soemtimes i think like he is beggin me for some calm...now there is one thing i wish you guys could help me with if any of you are turkish...im trying to find a turkish forum that is full of really talented people, which my boy belongs to but he doesnt want to tell me the web site, i have look for it for many weeks but as my turkish understanding is very little i wish some one could help me with some pages names....then ther is a problem i got we have been apart for about 4 months ...is a turkish boy faithful?

is he faithfull?
That is funny to talk generaly about Turkish boys , are they faithfull?
What is with others , American boys, Finland , Australian are they faithfull?

U need to know person to see is he faithfull or not .

My bf (i like to say my darling) is from Turkey also, i do not know is he faithfull or not , i just hope he is!
I believe him . cause we are in the same position , too far from each other only we have is a hope , telephone call's and mail's.
I saw him few times,he is nice,carefull,goodhearted person, very romantic and i love him with all my hart .
But i am sure in one thing , and that is jealousy.
I think we can say for all Turkish guys, like i already mention somewhere, they are more possesive,i think this word can describe it better.
U belong to him and that is it...
He is ur owner,and he possesing u ( they like think like that )
But i do not see nothing bad in it. For me is a good feeling when u see that somebody love u , trying protect u from others (even if u are not in danger).

So who can say : I am not jealouse!?
If u are in love u must be...That is naturally.
Only we can say they are more jealouse than others,
that is fact and true ...

i really don't think that any guy is faithful because they are missing something that us girls have a lot of .. SELF-CONTROL.. just think about it.. if an average looking guy walked up and down a street and asked 20 women if they would have sex with him.. how many would say yes? not that many... but if an average looking girl walked up and down a street and asked 20 guys if they wanted to have sex with her ... wouldnt almost all of them say yes? ...

a very good point indeed! and it goes to all the guys worldwide! however, all of us like to think that our oyfriends/husbands would reject it out of hand

Why is it all about sex, people? Can you think of other things that attract man to a woman and vice verca? Are you trying to say that men are complete animals and absolutely nothing else matters to them except sex? I hope not...

why do women appraise the men with their physical apperance?? first, they look at them and decide to talk to or not..
i have many gfs who are not so beautiful..som of them are weight, some of them can speak very well, some of them dnt communicate well but...
i think people doesnt appraise them with their physical apperance first...
just first..
othwerwise when a girl begin to talk a man who is attractive for her could disappointed..
i have experinces too about girls
then decided not to give any more attantion beautiful girls.. they are men hunters and dont have any ideas about daily life..

I am with you, duskahvesi!
I think we have to see inner beauty of man, not physical appearance.
My grandma used to say man doesn't have to be 'beautiful' (handsome).
If he is caring, loving, protective...he is already exellent and handsome.Actions are more important.

all i know is that i love him...and i also belive he does...i think you know it inside you but still you are scare of everything ...of everyone...he is so shy and i know that there are many girls around trying to have one of this "sweety like a child boys"...im only scare i may lose him...and to catwomen you can call him "erkeim" which means my man...thank you to all...it is really great to have someone to share thoughts with...about this boy if i get the chance to get back to ny, ill ask him to marry me...hihi...kidding...

of course it's not sex only that attracts men to women and the other way around. however, we cannot say that physical appearance makes no difference at all. it is the first thing we notice when we meet someone. moreover, sad as it may seem, sexual drive is one of the strongest instincts we have. we tame it because of religion or social convenances but still it exists in us.
however, when we choose a partner to be with, basing our choice on appearance only is a huge mistake. appearance changes constantly and life is not only about looking at each other. besides, attractiveness is a matter of personal taste so i think when we choose a partner we choose him/her according to our own subjective view of what is attractive. beauty is in the eye of beholder.

Two things are the most important things for me in a love relation: understanding and trusting each other,

But this things come sure after the physical attraction,,everyone knows that we can not love someone we do not like,becouse of some small reason that for someone else are not important, this is love and this is the reason we request so much from it, it makes us feel queen or kings and it hurts more also ..
Good luck to all!

I am a new member of this site en I have to admit that it is nice to see people (from different countries) learning Turkish or try to learn Turkish.
I have just read the articles about Turksih men. It was really impressing. What these women can think and create in their thoughts. As man, I have to point something out. turkish men are faithful to their women, but as long as they do not possess them totally. When they possess the women totally, they think of trying their chance somewhere else at the same time. When they know that they possess theie women, they are already sure that the woman is his and she can not miss him any more in her life. So he tries his chance and mostly with success, somewhere else.
I have to indicate something else as well. That is: if the Turkish man is among many other women, they pretend to do anything to attract other women. That is typical Turkish.
if anyone of you has Turkish man / boyfriend in touristic areas, forget faithfullness.

i dont agree with that...due to the fact that i believe on my turkish boy and trust him somehow all of the time...but still it is good to know from others as a way to make sure...hehe.
Then i don believ in general rules if you have heard from Jorge lUis Borges ever you may know what he thinks about generallyzing...there is not a big true...there is not universal truth...and by now all we have are feelings of hoping everything is alright

Konat7:

I am very interested in all your thoughts about love and Turkish men. Are they faithful. I think it is very hard for men to be totally faithful. Is it being unfaithful when they look at a pretty girl, when their thoughts are distracted by a girl walking past showing lots of her skin. A lot of younger Turkish men work in the tourist industry and there are a many girls (English girls have this reputation)who think nothing of having sex while on holiday, it doesn't matter to them that they do not know these boys. That is not love, I belive that there is more to love than sex. To feel comfortable and relaxed with someone. To sit with them for hours and not need to talk but also to have intelligent conversation.


My man works in the tourist industry and I know he has to flirt with the women(sometimes the men like it to, football talk etc.,)but he comes back to me and tells me the most important thing is that he is faithful. He has the pick of women young and old, especially the older ladies as they feel flattered by his attention. Yes I do get jealous but that is only natural and I do need to be told that he loves me and he is faithful. I am the sort of person that I give myself totally and no matter what I will not be unfaithful.

My man wants me to go and live with him, I do not know yet if I will. There has been no talk of marriage, we have both been married once before, I thought that was for life said I would not get married again. It would be hard for me, he knows I have no money and there would be no house to sell to raise money. We would both have to work very hard and I do not think his family would approve. I would not want him to miss out on his Turkish family life. His sister is getting married very soon, she was only engaged in September, I know he is looking forward to being there. He would miss out on so much because of me.

In the magazines and newspapers here in England there are so many bad stories about Turkish men it is hard to trust them. I know you should not think that all Turkish men are the same. If you have ever been hurt in a relationship, lied to time and time again it is hard to trust. My man said I should not let the past rule my future and he is right but easier said than done.

There I have poured out some of my feelings someone said once: LOVE CONQUERS ALL, I hope so.

That's definately not being unfaithful, but now ive fallen in such a deep love with Kadir, no other seems to be as beautiful as he is. I don't turn around to see the handsome guy that passes the street, because he wont ever be as beautiful as my sweetheart.

Looking at someone and realise he/she is beautiful, is not unfaithfullness, as long as you dont have the intention to do anything. It's like a painting: there's nothing wrong looking at a beautiful painting, but it ís wrong when you look at it and think to yourself "i wanna steal it".

The eye can not stop from seeing, not even love has the power to stop the eye from seeing. But love DOES have the power to stop from wanting things you can not or should not have.

No man or woman who has TRUE and pure love, would cheat. Not a turkish, not a dutch, no one. Because that is what love is, finding EVERYTHING you need in that person and yourself!

I agree to admire beauty is natural and I do not have a problem with just looking, I admire good looking men. If I was chatted up by another man I would be flattered but I could never be unfaithful, firstly I love my man so much my heart is his. When I think about people who are unfaithful they can not truly love their partner surely the guilt would eat away at them and how do they keep secrets.

I was in a relationship for many years (far to many to say)I loved my husband and I was blind to the things he got up to. It was only later when I was confronted by the evidence did I realise how blind I had been. This has made me suspicious and as I said before not helped when placing my trust in someone. I have found a man who loves me for who I am not what I look like, (I am not a skinny young thing)and I will not let my past spoil what I now have which is a lover and a friend.

There I go again once I start its hard to stop.

I find myself needing alot of reassurance from him,I do trust him,partly because he lives in a remote village and is not involved with the tourist industry,and also because of the things he says. I think everyone gets jealous if they're in love,it's human nature.

Konat7:

I think this thread is very interesting. Tourist areas are something else but maybe some men there are exceptions. We can't generalise so much - every person is different. I agree with mumbud that English girls have a reputation I have seen how some behave - it's not nice and I was embarressed.

It is so nice to see there are people out there looking to what is on the inside of a person rather than outside. It is very true that the nicest people are not always beautiful on the outside.

Is it possible to love more than one person openly,honestly and not have any jealousy happen? I think so. But this is a very individual thing. Maybe very few can be like this - I don't know. A lot of times people lie and have affairs or end up in longterm relationships that are not as happy as they could be. Don't get me wrong please - I am against affairs and lies and secrets. Also I am against loose sex for the sake of sex alone. It's too painful and often the innocent partner is the last to know. But there is a third way...not good for everyone I know and very unconventional and sometimes difficult, but sometimes it works very well.

Mumbud mentioned his family would not be happy if they married - this is interesting. Mumbud do you mind if I ask you are they happy for you to be b/f and g/f? I wonder. I get a lot of opposition from my friends family and we are just friends. His father never talks to me - he stands there staring at me and says he hates me even though the man does not know me. He tries hard to intimidate me. I don't understand this - it is strange to me that ones family has so much power even when one is a grown up person.

I wish all of you the best with your loves.

Mumbud mentioned his family would not be happy if they married - this is interesting. Mumbud do you mind if I ask you are they happy for you to be b/f and g/f? I wonder. I get a lot of opposition from my friends family and we are just friends. His father never talks to me - he stands there staring at me and says he hates me even though the man does not know me. He tries hard to intimidate me. I don't understand this - it is strange to me that ones family has so much power even when one is a grown up person

Hi Satorijane, regarding the above, are his parents happy about our relationship? As far as I know they do not know about me. I have met his younger brother and he is happy for us to be together. When I asked if his parents knew about me he said he had not told them as they would not approve, that was sometime ago and I have not mentioned it since. I have three grown up children and they know all about our relationship, they just tel me to be careful and not to do anything stupid (like run off to Turkey to live). I would not go to live there unless I was certain that I could live in another country and be happy. There is a big difference between visiting someone for a few weeks and living with someone. Our lives are very different, I have a good job earning good money and a comfortable life in England, he has a restaurant and never seems to stop working and worrying, if I was there he would have another thing to worry about. I jokingly said once that I would come and work for him, he got upset and said I would not work for him but with him(probably so he doesn't have to pay me, only joking). I miss him very much but to change my whole life for him is to big a decision to make without giving it a lot of thought. I am going to see him in four weeks time, I could not get a flight into the local airport so he is driving 200klms to pick me up from the airport which tells me a lot.

Families can be very strange, my family have always been very open and have had discussions about many things from sex to religion. My father who is now 75 years old decided not to have us children baptised but for us to make the choice ourselves when we were old enough to understand and learn about the many religions of the world. I understand that some families find it difficult to welcome outsiders especially those of a different faiths and cultures. I am happy to be on the outside if it makes life easier for everyone.
It does not matter how old you get you can still feel like a teenager when you find love and it is very scary wondering what you should do making decisions is the hardest thing in life, there is always that little bit of doubt and later the IF ONLY'S

To all have a wonderful day life is short so enjoy and learn from the good and the bad days.

It was interesting reading your posts.

Mumbud thanks for your reply. I am crossing fingers for you that your love will only grow stronger. I agree with you - he sounds serious about you and why not seize the day. Go for it hun!

My friend and I continue to create a unique different friendship despite our obstacles on both sides. I was ready to say that if family came first and my presence made things too difficult better that I walk away - but I was very sad about this.

Without prompting he told me last night, that he won't let his dad be like that to me again - and that if I come to Istanbul he will take me away to another city so that I don't need to face this. I never thought he cared so much. I was very touched. Just proves that we can't be too harsh about our Turkish men because I think the majority of guys are really kind and do care. I feel we should hold onto that - because just like every UK girl is not a wanton slut and exception to the rule - it's the same the other way around.

Best of luck - hope to hear all about your trip - hope you have a GREAT time.

Mumbud i've just read your story and can relate to your situation so much,im glad im not on my own. I met my man when he was working in England,we had 10 lovely months together before he had to return to Turkey for medical reasons and also to see his children.I cant tell you how upset I was when he left,but anyway,we have such feelings for each other that we cant forget or let go,I have tryed.So anyway,im going over to Turkey in 2 weeks to see him for a week,,its going to be so strange at first,haven't seen him for 18 mts,but it's true what you say,it's totally different being on holiday with someone and actually living with them in a completely different country with its unique culture and not speaking the language very well. I also have 2 teenagers who I cant just leave behind,wouldn't want to anyway.

So,we just have to play this waiting game,sometimes it's quite nice to miss someone and dream and imagine....!real life isnt all rosy!

I really hope you make it with your love.

Love will find a way im sure.

hello phil here

i agree that it is nice to miss someone that lives so far away. i live in England and my gf lives in Turkey. But i find it so painful to think that i may never see my gf again. I find it so hard to think positive about my future with her but when i do, i feel as happy as i ever could be. i love her so much.
kiss kiss my angel.

Merhaba everyone,

I am Jing, from the Philippines. I am very new here and thank God I have seen this post here. I have read all your comments and insights about love, trust, jealousy.... and i really enjoyed it. I learned so many things from the views and opinions of each one of you.

You might be wondering why I am here, actually I want to learn Turkish language because my friend (Turkish man) has taught me some words already. I just keep on wanting to learn more. I think there is something that needs to be unveiled... the beauty of the language ... the culture of Turkish people....

While it is true that when you love someone, you are vulnerable to pain... but i am really longing to loving someone and someone loving me so much. You see, i am separated for 5 years now. Of course, I want to be happy and I am looking for someone who would make me happy and inspire everyday.

Would someone advice me then on what to do about my current situation? Turkish man and I have been chatting for around 3 weeks now, and he was so sweet, caring , and seems respectful.. i have now fall in love with him. He wants to visit me here in the Phils. if I will help him with money matters. He wants me to lend him money and he will pay me back when he returns to Turkey. You see, I have two children both studying, i am single and have to pay for many duties, so you would imagine that i am not that rich girl who have lots of money to spend... Now, he is accusing me of not trusting him and that I do not love him ... what do you think? I have explained to him my situation, and he somehow would not want to talk with me. I really wanted to see him and spend time with him, but what can I do? Although I believe also that if he is really in love with me, he would do anything for him to come and not depend on me? right? Do you think he is just playing around with me? Or maybe he is applying reverse psychology on me? Please help...

Hi Jingay,

This money thing is a problem, I had an argument with my man about money, long story but he asked if I would get him a mobile phone as his kept cutting out so I bought the phone. He said that when I visited he would give me the money for the phone. When we met I gave him the phone but he did not offer the money straight away which made me feel suspicious. Later he said he was going to visit some friends, he was gone a very long timem, about six hours. During this time my mind was working overtime thinking all sorts of bad things. As time went by I began to think he was not coming back and I was getting more and more angry, then I had a drink or five which made it worse and I sent a very nasty text message to him accusing him of using me and that he was never going to give me the money for the phone. Eventually he arrived back at the flat and he was very upset with me, saying that I did not trust him and how could I write such nasty things. I tried to explain that in England the papers were full of English women getting ripped of by Turkish men and being left alone and broke. He said he had to go and see his friend who owed him money so he could then give it to me. He explained that if you go visit your friends you are expected to stay for a while and he did not think that being away so long would be a problem.
We both ended up being angry I think because our ways are so different. I suppose my life is built around time, I have to let people know where I am and when I will be back I think Turkish men are more laid back and spending time with other men is expected and women are not involved in that part of their life. The more I learn about Turkish culture the more I realise how hard it could be to live in their society. We made friends again but I explained to him that although he may think that I earn a lot of money compared to people in Turkey the cost of living here in England is much higher so I am not a rich person.

If I were you I would not lend him money, until you are sure, it sounds like you have doubts and like me if something went wrong you would start to imagine all sorts of bad things.

Like all relationships you have to build the trust and it takes a long time. We all have to guard against being hurt and let down by people and sometimes it is difficult to put your trust in someone that you have not know for very long. Also misunderstandings arise when there is a language barrier.

I still have doubts and have to keep being reassured.
If you have no money it is a problem
If you have a lot of money it is a problem as someone always wants it.

Jing:

Hello Jing,
Elisa is right, forget him.This is not right for you at all.Better hurt now than later. Three weeks is not very long period of time.It is not love.Be strong and think about your future and your kids.
Good luck to you

If this man di really love you he would work hard-extra hours extra jobs to get the money to come see you. I think you are lonely and vulnerable at present time. Enjoy chatting with these guys but take time to get to know him better and if he is angsy towards you when you will not send the money then I do not thing he can be a good person.

Jinggay:

I think you know the answer deep down, and you are wanting verification from us to our views.

Please give him a wide berth, he has no respect for you asking for money and he has no dignity as a man.

We have to be careful what goes on behind the smiles, the charm and look at the underlying motives. They do exist believe me!

If you sent him money, you would probably not hear from him again. As he wants you to give him in advance, and pay you back when he returns to Turkey. He is in Turkey so why can't he get it now!

Merhaba,

Thank you guys for all your views. Angela, you are very right that I knew the answer deep down and just wanted verification from anyone. I just want to be sure that forgetting him is the right thing.

As Oludenizdollz wrote, if he really loved me he should work his ass out hard so he could come here and not borrow money from me. That just proves that he only cared and show affection because he has a hidden agenda on me. There is really more essential than a man's good looks and charming ways. We cannot really judge a book by its cover, we really have to read the contents first before we can conclude.

and bliss, you are right, it is better to hurt now than prolong the agony of not trusting him and doubting him although I really cared so much for him. As for me who loved, married, had children, and got separated, it is very hard to fall in love again.

To Elisa and mumbud, thank you very much for the insights. I can now let him go and peacefully continue with my life. I am somehow relieved, and was saved by you.

Somehow, we might be of difeerent culture and origin, but our minds speak. Are we all female here? Mey I know where you live guys? Again, tesekkur cok ederim for the help.

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eyes.

Jing

hi i dont understand why people keep bring turkish men down you do get the bad one (but where dont you) i met a turkish man 2 years ago and we are still together i know he isnt after my money because he has got his own and he isnt intrested in a visa because he doesnt want to live in the uk. maybe i was just lucky hope yous all find the man of your dreams like i did good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with Dani. I know many Turkish men with British partners who have no wish to come to Britain.On the other hand the tourist areas do attract some opportunists.

mere male opinion