I have question for those who understand Turkish culture. Do male-female friendships exist in Turkey that aren't necessarily tied to work or some professional function? Friendships where you would ask the person (say the boy asks the girl) to go get something to eat after a class. Or, possibly, asking a girl out for a date/dinner.

I get the sense (from things I've read and experiences I've had with Turkish exchange students) that there something taboo about boys and girls being together unless they are in a relationship. Something having to do with namus and ayip.

I'm sure this varies based upon the area in Turkey you're from, but I'd like some insight from those who can say what it's like in their part of Turkey.

Yeah tabii.

I have male friends who are Turks One friend owns a shop (day activity trip shop) and I just sit with him and talk and no-one is bothered by it or thinks anything of it. I talk to another man who works there too.

All my male Turk friends are nice and have never tried anything on with me. One said he had a girlfriend who he loves very much and would never dream of cheating on her which is very nice because he still talks to other girls without thinking anything of it - just friends

So basic answer to your question is yes you can have a friend who is the opposite sex to you in Turkey.

I agree with Kai that there shouldn't be a problem with us girls having male friends in Turkey, but what about going out as friends?? How friendly can you get with the opposite sex before eyebrows start raising?

Today I read this comment by someone who says he's Turkish:
"Also consider this. There are some institutions missing in this society. For example friendship between men and women. It's so difficult ask for example a girl to go for a drink. Let's say you have a boy friend, I have a girlfriend. In the some company. I say to you, let's have beer and chat. I tried that several times. Once the woman showed up with her husband "Hey, I'm not stealin' nobody "moods don't cheer you up here. So you can't sustain friendships, either you two go further, or stay detached. I can guarantee this is 100% the case"

He was responding to this question

Comments/insights anyone??

Very rare I think. I strongly disagree.

I think in all close male-female friendships, one of the two has romantic interest in the other.

Agreed Trudy, it may be an old-fashioned opinion.
But I think the friendship you are speaking of is soooooooo rare.

And I dont mean that one of the two wants the other as a boyfriend or girlfriend. I am taking the lowest viewpoint on this and asking, given the chance, would the guy sleep with his female friend given the opportunity (at least once). And I am sure there are friendships out there where it is the woman who would sleep with the guy.

I would accept that there are business relationships out there where this is not the case.

Very sorry if I have offended you or worded this wrong...

I did back down going from "all" to "rarely" by the way....



And I dont think internet friendships count. I am also keeping this to friendships where the people actually hang out together.
(I say this so no one here thinks I'm staulking them! )

when you wonder somethings about Turkish people or Turkish culture,theres never only 1 answer of this questions.Turkish culture not homogen,and you can see 2 different life style basical (traditional and popular Turkish cultures) u can see all simplicites ,honesty ,paradoxes in Turkish culture with its all own while popular culture trying to look like other cultures.So always many answers of a same question for Turkish people..realities of traditional and popular cultures' so different from each other,look likes difference of white and black

I think I'm on the topic here. Where are we off topic?

Just like to add - I originally thought this thread was about Turkish - Turkish relationships between male and female "friends" and I think someone has already mentioned that.

But as it has discended into something else, I would just like to say that I have more male (close) friends than I do female. That could be because I was brought up in male environment (farm) and I was the only girl in my class at primary school. Work has always been in male orientated businesses to.

I have never had any sexual relationships with any of my male friends (nor any advances!) and never intend to - most of them are married and it has never been a problem to go out and have a beer with them and "chew the fat" - for either their wives or my husband.

Reason I prefer men? The dont talk about the latest soap of TV. or that they have just put their Christmas Decorations or where the cheapest loaf of bread is, whether or not they got their washing done and that the kids are playing up again, what is in the glossy mags etc etc and that all bores me senseless...........

So Keith sorry in my opinion you are wrong!

I'm in Turkey. My comments are about people I know. How is it off topic?

what country was i supposed to be talking about?

Sorry Keith I was not referring to your individual post but the most of the thread!! I knew what I meant even if I didn't write it, but I originally thought you were talking in general - have I dug my hole deap enough??

Quoting KeithL:

I'm in Turkey. My comments are about people I know. How is it off topic?

she knows I'm just kidding her...

(and she knows where I live )

ok, *one more attmept*
... notwithstanding the differences between traditional and modern views, and the various general opinions etc etc that have been offered, can anyone give a straight answer to the original question?

For example, Keith says his views are old-fashioned, but are there others in Turkey who hold the same view, or a completely different view or any view??

I just want to add that if one STRICTLY follows Muslim rules, then a very "tight leash" is kept on females/daughters. Turkey is Muslim but secular. In the more fundamentalist parts of the country, I expect that women are definitely not supposed to interact with males who are not their relatives. This, I'm sure, is more relaxed in urban areas. But how much?

Actually, this may be controversial (Robyn ! ) but I actually believe that the world over, women THINK they can be friends with men, and will say they have many male friends...but.... 90% of the men, if asked, would say they would be MORE THAN FRIENDS if it was possible .

This applies even to work colleagues in my experience . Sad but true. Men think of little else.... !

apparently the police force is renound for it..

the magic word is it "depends"...
it all depends... on the guy, girl, etc...i dont know...perhaps hormones ,
suspended desires... or an uncontrolled heart ....


after all... one can't live woithout another...

no honey... no honey

survival of the fittest

Back to the subject (but again off topic ), I agree with Aenigma. 99% of the cases are not what they appear to be.

A year or two earlier, I would agree with everybody else who said that there CAN be real and close friendship between a man and a woman. Now, after my best friend of 23 years confessed that what he was dreaming was to be more than a friend to me, I have to shut up and be a little more sceptical, when it comes to "real" frieships.

However, I have to agree with Libralady too, on what makes a man a better company than a woman. As for the friendships she is describing, yes, they exist and they are not rare, but I think they are not so close ones.

As for such relationships in Turkey, well maybe they exist. But from what I ve heard and seen, people are negative and suspicious about them.

Actually I just thought about it and I DO KNOW why I prefer male friends - they are NOT boring !

funny

Perhaps Admin could just increase your post number - it would give us all a welcome break

(trying to get rid of my boredom, just like you Robyn dear)

SORU:

Why is that everytime i ask a Turkish person if they have a Turkish b/g, they say "i don't like". Why don't they like going out with one another? Does this question make sense!

How much Turkish people do you know that have a Turkish boyfriend/Girlfriend?

i know a couple that got engaged 5months ago and two couple who got married in november.....unfortunately i didnt get to go to their weddings because of situations here

I know that it's not where the person comes from.

I spoke to a couple of Turkish people, including my Turkish bf and thay both said they didn't like. I thought it was an issue or something. Oh well then, that question solved!!

Please tell me, what the hell is a Turkish m/f and f/ms? And I am trying to learn Turkish? I dont even understand my "own" language sometimes.................

Male/Female and Female/Male..........just like bf = boyfriend and gf = girlfriend

Its kindoff to late to get back to the main point here, but I would like to add my opinion if I may? I have to agree with Keith that there generally is some hidden agenda involved in male/ female friendships, if no advances have ever been made by either party its usually because they don't have that kind of attraction for you or vice versa.... hence that is why you are "just friends", and as far as the point KIA was trying to make yes you can be close with men and not be b/f g/f but if you are "cuddling" with your male friends trust me either you or him are feeling a bit closer then just friends in less of course you cuddle with your female frinds in the same fashion, in that case hmmmm.... not sure what to say. If you want to keep this a topic on turkish people I would say no, there is not to many male female "close" relationships among adults. Im sure they have friends but not like the kind you hang out with daily i.e. go shopping together, have dinner, have drinks.

I hink the point of this question was to find out if it was "common" or "uncommon" for opposite sexes who are friends to 'hang out'.

Forget the wishes and/or intent of these friendships. On a societal level (majority = more than roughly 60%), is this a common practice.

I would guess no. It does happen in America, but in large groups. I don't even think here more than 50% of the young population (18-4 go out alone to hang out for a coffee or beer.

BUT it is important to note- that if a different sex couple were out for a coffee- in say a Starbucks, it would never be questioned, or even figured that they were a romantic two.

From my very limited time in Turkey(one month), I would guess that this same scenario would be questioned very much. People might assume a romantic partnership, or a dating relationship, rather than just two friends hanging out. (I must say Istanbul is probably more liberal that the rest of Turkey)

[QUOTE ]I hink the point of this question was to find out if it was "common" or "uncommon" for opposite sexes who are friends to 'hang out'.

Forget the wishes and/or intent of these friendships. On a societal level (majority = more than roughly 60%), is this a common practice.
QUOTE]


Why do people always have to point out what they interpret as the point of the thread? Each one interprets it in their own way. Also, it is useless to stop forums from evolving into something totally different. Forums are like conversations you start out talking about your day at work and end up talking about the relevance of Sor. Juana in Latin American Literature. It just happens.....

But I do appreciate your opinion. I would have to disagree about the part mentioning the U.S., but I guess it's not important since the "point" was to discuss friendships between TURKISH males and females.

Here's an interesting diary article I just came across from the Guardian UK from Erica Kaya, an expatriot living in Turkey pointing out some of the subtle difference in male-female relationships that exist between the west and in Turkey.

http://www.guardianabroad.co.uk/diaries/article/173