In general shoes are taken off when entering a Turk’s home. In the larger cities and among the better to-do families, this is not always necessary however. It is usually the custom of small settlements and conservative families. In general Turks wear slippers at home. Housewives tend to compete with each other on cleanliness and will certainly not let you in with your shoes on. At any rate, in a country whose streets are disorderly and dirty, it makes good sense to leave your shoes at the door and slide into a pair of comfortable slippers. Almost all Turkish homes will have a pair of “guest slippers”, reserved just for visitors. And if the idea of wearing someone else’s shoes does not appeal to you, you can always tote along a pair of your own, which will not be considered out of the ordinary.
Kissing the hands of older family members is an obligatory ceremony of Bayram. Some families get together at the house of the oldest family member and have a “Bayram meal” all together. The elders give candy or money to those youngsters kissing their hands. In the past, gold coins and money were given however unfortunately this habit has been essentially lost, due to financial reasons.

Among Turks, kissing the hand of an elder and touching it to your forehead is a sign of respect shown to elders. Those in esteemed or reputable positions in society, and the elderly, enjoy having their hands kissed. For example, primary school teachers wait for their students to kiss their hands after graduation. This also is an indispensable custom practiced during Bayrams. The older members of the family give candies and some pocket money to the children who kissed their hands. If you are married to a Turk and visiting his family members you are expected to follow your husband in kissing hands. In some families the younger members do not smoke or cross their legs when together with the older members of the family. It will be easier for you if you discuss with your spouse what sort of customs and behavior you are expected to follow. (Worth thinking about: As you attempt to please others, be careful not to lose your own identity and uniqueness). Kissing hands of ladies in a French manner is not a common habit.

Turks are very generous and can be rather insistent when offering food in particular. It is best to just accept what is offered to you, with a smile, even though you may be full. If you don’t accept, you will undoubtedly hear comments like “Didn’t you like it?” or “Was it bad?”, and you even risk offending your host. If it is your second, third, or fourth helping, at some point you are bound to be genuinely full and you are not obliged to “clean your plate”.

very good post , i kiss the hand of my husbands father and mother then raise their hand to touch my forehead , i did have the common sense to ask what i should do on greeting them and i was given the run down.
removing shoes became a habit when Ahmet lived with me in the UK before returning to Turkey and it became second nature to me (after a while).
it is weird because i do things automatically in his family home which i wouldnt do in my own home like never cross my legs, dont ask me why as i do it all the time and yet i didnt think about doing it in Turkey ! i wear skirts too when im a trouser person, im not being modelled or loosing my identity i just want to show respect and Ahmet is so proud of me because i do it without thinking and yet as soon as im home im back to my own self and back to my old habits again.
any visitor to the house who was young kissed the elders hand and touched their forehead with the hand they just kissed , i get this treatment from the young children of my extended family it makes me feel quite special lol
Jackie
xx

Very ınterestıng observatıons!
You certaınly descrıbed us a part of turkısh tradıtıons whıch ıs great for us language learners and the ones who plan to vısıt and dıscover the REAL Turkey lıke me (not just the tourıstıc areas whıch do not represent the country's realıty!!)
If there ıs someone else who would lıke to add somethıng else that would be greatç
WHAT I HAVE HEARD:
.Turkısh people (generally speakıng) are superstıcıous (evıl eye etc)
. You do not have to do the 'OK'sıgn when ın Turkey!
.You cannot poınt at someone wıth your soles
.You should rather acept all the food whıch ıs offered to you
.You must taek your shoes off

My questıons, ıf there ıs one elder person on the table, can you start eatıng before hım /her? (ın Japan you cannot for example)
What other sıgns are consıdered as 'Rude'?
As a Guest, wıll all turkısh famılıes treat you the same frıendly way or wıll they consıder where you come from?
What ıs not appropıate to do for FOREIGN WOMEN?

Thank you!
Dilara

I never heard about the not crossing your leg thing. Is that while sitting in a chair or..? At my in laws we always sit on the floor so I often change positions, probably crossing my legs eventually. But nobody has ever told me not to do it. Also, what is the reason for this?

Observing the hand-forehead kissing, it's also individual; some people like you to do it and some don't. There is an in law of mine who never allows me to kiss her hand, but she really likes me. It's like because we are on a very friendly basis I don't need to do it. Others stick their hand in your face as if they are demanding you to do it. As a female I have never kissed any male but my father in laws hand. What are your experiences with this?
Also I think it's adorable when children want to kiss my hand We joke around with it a lot.

As for customs during meals, I haven't really noticed any. I haven't experienced males starting before females before. I know that you always say bismillah before eating, and that burping is a compliment to the cook. However I don't understand the need of every person having 2-3 bowls of food and others for sharing. There can easily be 20 bowls for just 5 people which is a lot of work for the person cleaning them. I'm rather picky when it comes to food and people generally tend to understand that because I'm from a different country I may not like what they serve. Because of the multiple bowls it's also easy to swap with the person next to you. That's helped me out a couple of times My in laws are genuinely nice people and since three of my brother in laws are neighbours they sometimes bring special dishes for me.

In Denmark it's rude not to take your shoes off in peoples home, so I'm used to that. But I'm not used to people taking my shoes and not returning it. The custom of taking the first pair of shoes you see annoys me a great deal. I've scolded a few people for leaving my shoes at other peoples homes a couple of times. I think they've learnt not to take mine now

I think that some of the customs are very sweet and others completely unlogic. But I guess all nations have their specialties.

cool..by the way we have gone off topic

One thing i dont understand but understand the explanation is that my brother in law smokes and so does his father (my father in law) and i smoke, my choice not theirs is that i go out side on their balcony to have a cigarette day or night time. Ahmet's brother has never ever smoked in front of his father and when asked why i was told out of respect.
I just dont understand this bit because they both smokeand turkey is a nation of smokers and father knows he smokes can anone explaine why this is considered disrespectful? father smokes usually outside when working or in his room but non the less if he wants one he has one and yet Mehmet only smokes when his father is out the way and then he smokes in the main living room.
visitors who come to visit they smoke in the living room .
eating too we all get stuck in at the same time,men , women and children all squat on the floor and who ever's got their spoons ready first are the ones who tuck in first usually the kids and ol' smiffy (me) lol.
if im slow for the off then father in law gives me the nod and indicates for me to eat before hs's ready to eat.
i love bread but nothing like the Turks lol i ended up eating at least a loaf and a half a day !! girls you cant worry about your wasitline if you live with a Turkish family lol deal with the after effects when you get home.
the crossing of legs just isnt done by the Turkish women and with their long skirts it would be difficult it would bring up the length of the skirt thus showing a bit of leg not good showing an ankle! so keeping both feet on the floor looks more refined.I am talking village life though and not town or city life,im yet to experience that .

I wondered about the pointing the feet at someone could it be considered rude? so i sat,watched and that didnt seem to be a problem the rest of them did it when relaxing putting their feet up,more than one occasion i had two old plates of meat on my lap as my husband laid out BUT if father walked in to the room they all shot up to the upright position and sat properly i guess a respect thing.
sitting and watching i find is the best way to learn along with of course asking.
my husband said he was so proud of me and so respected the fact that i asked before meeting his family for the first time the do's and donts so i was well prepared and wouldnt ebarrasse myself or him.
people are all different and so some people would take offence whilst other wouldnt and my in laws and family knew i was not muslim and fully understand my way of life is so differnet to theirs and so if i did do something they laughed and had no problem with anything i did but they could see i had already made an effort to fit in with their life style ie skirts not trousers and insisting i go out side to smoke although they preferred i stayed indoors but they are not used to women smoking so i felt better doing that way. This was my choice and it certainly wasnt expected of me in anyshape or form. During Ramazan i was asked if i would like some alcohol !!!! not one member of his family had ever had a drop touch their lips but they were so keen to make me feel comfortable on my first visit they thought a beer or two would go down well but im not a huge drinker and was quite happy living without it but i was so taken aback to have had them offer this to me esp it was during theri most religious moment of the year.
i wonder if the shoe was on the other foot and had a muslim stay for christmas and because they dont drink say "oh this christmas non of us will not drink out of respect" i can imagine most will stay " stuff it they dont like it they know where they can go, they dont want a drink thats their problem "
greeting people i found that hugging was no problem after the kiss on both cheeks the women then hugged me and they clung on like limpits lol
well thats my experiences on my Traditional family life
i love it although found it so boring at times but accepted it im not in England and im not living in a european environment

Jackie

xx

yeh they arent supposed to do anything negative in front of their father..even if something with nudity comes on television they or their father will change the channel if they are in the same room.the same goes for elder male family members..

i have enjoyed reading this!

i am going to stay wih my (male) friend for two weeks at the end of january and he is taking me round a few places. i am not sure if i will be meeting his family but i know we are visiting his home town which is fethiye and i'm really scared that i am goin to offend someone or do something wrong and make a fool of myself (and him)!

eek!

is there anything else i should do/know?

any help would be much appreciated. x