yes we've discussed all of these possibilities. the whole process is so fast now that it will be only a couple of weeks before they are married and living in his parents home.
his dad is fine with me, ive met his brother and uncle, but his mum isn't interested.
its so frustrating we are so close to the family acceptine me yet so far since his mum has the last say.
i feel cheated.

I think this is really surprising to me since as far as I have seen I thought it usually was the father having the last word. At least in my case thats how it has been. The mother was actually very impressed with me the father rules the roost. It's always seemed that the mothers are very afraid to loose their sons, therefore will bend for them, but will also not go against what the father says. Anyway, I can totally feel your pain... so hard to lose a relationship when neither of you are to blame.

i am lost in all of this. he has to go through with it as he is at risk of losing his life. he is scared of going against his family's wishes i can tell. because as much as he loves me, there are limits to what he can do, or will do. his mum believes in this method of marriage because it worked for her, and simply because she does not want him to have an english girlfriend or wife.

we just spoke. and he told me he will go through with the divorce if i will not give up on him. but he cannot face to run away from the marriage. its a civil marriage, not a religious one, as requested by the girls parents.

I am sorry but it is very bad situation for both of you.
I don't think so that he will divorce, because their marriage will be religious and formal i think. So it is very hard to give up this marriage. If he says that he will divorce, why does he accept it ? if he can't oppose his family now, how will he do it later about divorce ?

Kerri, as Kemal wrote also..if now your lover has not the guts to face his mom, how will he do it later, after being married both at the civil register and in the church?
or after having kids?
How old is he,, is he so very young??
U can also go there now, and marry him at the civil office..
but, the idea is...can he do it??

Also adding to what Kemalsis and ceylanOANA said. I know how you feel, I really do (slightly different situation) but if he loved you that much wouldn't he just completely refuse? I would and I know that I will be doing so in the future, going against my mothers wishes, and I know she will do a lot to try and stop me and my man being together but nothing, not even her will stop us.

I love him to pieces and he loves me too just as much, and when my mother realises that I am happy she will accept him because he is making me happy and I know that is what she really wants.

So maybe he has to go the extra mile to prove how much he loves you for his mother to realise she wrong all along. Also because you obviously make him happy, you might even make her happy, because after all its her son.

I wish you luck for the future

he has already changed his story from it being a religious to being a civil marriage..that would set alarm bells ringing for me.. and besides if he is going to go through with the ceremonies then i agree that he is not likely to divorce her in the future.its an expensive and long process.i know because one of okkes's family is currently going through it and even then it is usally discussed with the older male members of the family and agreed upon before it actually happens.

anyway, you are free to do whatever you want, but it appears as though he will be married within the next few weeks and if you want to be with him,the most you will ever be is a bit on the side.

İ'm sorry,but i do not understand !

İn İslam,you cann't and shouldn't force anyone to marry the others.
But in the past,and i guess it is still in some places,they usually force the girls for marring to a man,for his family,position,maybe cause he's rich,or what ever.
But my point,the forcing was on the girls,not men

The man supposed to be the one who is doing the asking part from the girl's family.

Beside,İmam cann't marry them in islam unless the man was there and repeat some words meaning he want to marry this girl and he will treat her well as ALLAH ordered him,and at same time,one man of the girl's family must be there,usually her father to ask the girl if she approve or not ,or sometimes she be there too.

So can you explain how anyone can force the man to be married ? :-S

Sorry to be the bearer of doom and gloom to this thread, but to me it sounds like a "get out of jail card". There are so many stories exactly like this one on a MSN group site and various other MSN group sites to do with Turkish men and foreign women. Here is one if you want to take a look: English Girlfriends of Turkish men

I hope I am wrong and apologise if that is the case.