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I need urgent advice
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| 20. |
05 Jan 2007 Fri 03:38 pm |
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Quoting CANLI: İ'm sorry,but i do not understand !
İn İslam,you cann't and shouldn't force anyone to marry the others.
But in the past,and i guess it is still in some places,they usually force the girls for marring to a man,for his family,position,maybe cause he's rich,or what ever.
But my point,the forcing was on the girls,not men 
The man supposed to be the one who is doing the asking part from the girl's family.
Beside,İmam cann't marry them in islam unless the man was there and repeat some words meaning he want to marry this girl and he will treat her well as ALLAH ordered him,and at same time,one man of the girl's family must be there,usually her father to ask the girl if she approve or not ,or sometimes she be there too.
So can you explain how anyone can force the man to be married ? :-S |
and don't forget the agreement of the dowry 
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| 21. |
05 Jan 2007 Fri 04:00 pm |
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you have all given me food for thought, he won't let me end our relationship but obviously he isn't doing everything he can to stop the marriage, i have posted something in translation for any of you that can help, i need send this message to him urgently
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| 22. |
05 Jan 2007 Fri 04:52 pm |
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My heart goes out to you Kerryogden - i feel your pain and i pray that with the help of God and all the wonderful people on this site - u are going to get through this very bad storm in your life.
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| 23. |
05 Jan 2007 Fri 05:14 pm |
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My heart does go out to you that you could possible loose your love but as other members have already said there are a few things that are puzzling me.
I am yet to hear of a wife over ruling the her husband and if father is in support of you, mother is usually told to button it and she wont go against her husbands decison through respect even if she doesnt agree to it .
I also can't see that he cannot go against his mothers wishes and refuse the marriage but in the future will be brave enough to stand up to her and get a divorce ! if he can do that then why can he not stand up and say he wont get married.
I hate myself for writing this but i do write as i feel and although my thoughts are negative and you probably dont want to read what im saying .
There is also the situation of being miles apart,you cannot actually see the situation over there unravelling and people can say anything to appease the situation and when its too late and he's married he can say sorry its too late now i am married.
Please these are just my thoughts i dont know him, i dont know you and i dont have any evidence of your situation but like robyn saud its already changed from a religious ceremony to a civil one.
How can he say you cant finish the relationship when by what he is saying its going to be over in a couple of weeks anyway, ask him to be totally and utterly honest with you, i also feel for his future wife as well as him, how can they ever have a relationship if his heart lies elsewhere and also for her if she actually knows about you, my heart would be ripped out if i knew i was married to a man who loved someone else!
This is probably the most negative post ive ever written anywhere and i dont mean to be cruel or to upset you but things just dont sound right
Kind Regards
Jackie
xx
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| 24. |
05 Jan 2007 Fri 08:59 pm |
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Arranged marriages? I guess I didn't know they still existed. If my Turkish boyfriend whom I planned to spend the rest of my life with, told me his mother arranged for him to be married and he was going through with it, I would set him free in a heart beat. For me personally, I want a man not a mamas boy. You know we all at one time have to make decisions that are best for us, not what our parents feel we need to do. At a certain time in your life, your expected to make independent decisions and become an adult. This guy sounds like he has alot of growing up to do. But again, I'm an outsider looking in and once again, I don't have tolerance for a culture that still lives in the stone age. I like traditions but this is too extreme for me.
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| 25. |
06 Jan 2007 Sat 07:51 pm |
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Quoting teaschip: Arranged marriages? I guess I didn't know they still existed. If my Turkish boyfriend whom I planned to spend the rest of my life with, told me his mother arranged for him to be married and he was going through with it, I would set him free in a heart beat. For me personally, I want a man not a mamas boy. You know we all at one time have to make decisions that are best for us, not what our parents feel we need to do. At a certain time in your life, your expected to make independent decisions and become an adult. This guy sounds like he has alot of growing up to do. But again, I'm an outsider looking in and once again, I don't have tolerance for a culture that still lives in the stone age. I like traditions but this is too extreme for me. |
tea, havent i told u, u dont suit the matchmakers! hahaha
btw, welcome to the east and islam! this is how they deal their life! isnt it wonderful? so much passion and heart-breaking love stories, painful romances without a way out!
to the author of this thread: what does it mean he wont let you go? one cant catch two ships, it takes wisdom and courage to decide. looks like your boyfriend is a sort of coward!
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| 26. |
06 Jan 2007 Sat 07:59 pm |
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Quoting femme_fatal: Quoting teaschip: Arranged marriages? I guess I didn't know they still existed. If my Turkish boyfriend whom I planned to spend the rest of my life with, told me his mother arranged for him to be married and he was going through with it, I would set him free in a heart beat. For me personally, I want a man not a mamas boy. You know we all at one time have to make decisions that are best for us, not what our parents feel we need to do. At a certain time in your life, your expected to make independent decisions and become an adult. This guy sounds like he has alot of growing up to do. But again, I'm an outsider looking in and once again, I don't have tolerance for a culture that still lives in the stone age. I like traditions but this is too extreme for me. |
tea, havent i told u, u dont suit the matchmakers! hahaha
btw, welcome to the east and islam! this is how they deal their life! isnt it wonderful? so much passion and heart-breaking love stories, painful romances without a way out!
to the author of this thread: what does it mean he wont let you go? one cant catch two ships, it takes wisdom and courage to decide. looks like your boyfriend is a sort of coward!
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Dear femme_fatal, could you be more careful when you refer to Islam please? The main point of the thread is something different and particular to a single person and his attitude.
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| 27. |
06 Jan 2007 Sat 08:01 pm |
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Quoting qdemir:
Dear femme_fatal, could you be more careful when you refer to Islam please? The main point of the thread is something different and particular to a single person and his attidute. |
why dear qdemir? give me reasons.
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| 28. |
06 Jan 2007 Sat 08:11 pm |
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Quoting femme_fatal: Quoting qdemir:
Dear femme_fatal, could you be more careful when you refer to Islam please? The main point of the thread is something different and particular to a single person and his attidute. |
why dear qdemir? give me reasons. |
The point hasn't got anyting to do with Islam.
Additionally,
Don't you think one should be cautious when s/he talks about any religion and belief and also believers in order not to hurt them, no matter s/he believes the same values or not.
There might be some wrong accepted practices or wrong interpretations of such beliefs, but such people and their practices don't include all the believers and don't harm the essence of religions.
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| 29. |
06 Jan 2007 Sat 08:50 pm |
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Quoting qdemir: Quoting femme_fatal: Quoting qdemir:
Dear femme_fatal, could you be more careful when you refer to Islam please? The main point of the thread is something different and particular to a single person and his attidute. |
why dear qdemir? give me reasons. |
The point hasn't got anyting to do with Islam.
Additionally,
Don't you think one should be cautious when s/he talks about any religion and belief and also believers in order not to hurt them, no matter s/he believes the same values or not.
There might be some wrong accepted practices or wrong interpretations of such beliefs, but such people and their practices don't include all the believers and don't harm the essence of religions. |
thank you for being so diplomatic with me.
suprisingly its only muslims are always being hurt.
to me there is no a thing that cant be questioned, criticised or attacked. are you suggesting me that in order not to upset certain religion (namely islam) representatives i cant give my opinion?
as for practising customs, why on the earth horrible practises is surprisingly being carried out mainly in islamic countries?
what is ur opinion on this thread?
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| 30. |
06 Jan 2007 Sat 10:16 pm |
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Quoting femme_fatal: Quoting qdemir: Quoting femme_fatal: Quoting qdemir:
Dear femme_fatal, could you be more careful when you refer to Islam please? The main point of the thread is something different and particular to a single person and his attidute. |
why dear qdemir? give me reasons. |
The point hasn't got anyting to do with Islam.
Additionally,
Don't you think one should be cautious when s/he talks about any religion and belief and also believers in order not to hurt them, no matter s/he believes the same values or not.
There might be some wrong accepted practices or wrong interpretations of such beliefs, but such people and their practices don't include all the believers and don't harm the essence of religions. |
thank you for being so diplomatic with me.
suprisingly its only muslims are always being hurt.
to me there is no a thing that cant be questioned, criticised or attacked. are you suggesting me that in order not to upset certain religion (namely islam) representatives i cant give my opinion?
as for practising customs, why on the earth horrible practises is surprisingly being carried out mainly in islamic countries?
what is ur opinion on this thread? |
femme_fatal
As you have just said above I have kindly drawn your attention to some point by trying to be tolerant. But you have replied me in your usual way. You have left me no choice other than replying you in your way.
On reading your recent posts – especially, “to me there is no a thing that cant be questioned, criticised or attacked.†I thought and tried to understand why your heart is full of salient hatred against some values, and whenever you have a chance you throw up your hatred all over the site. (questioning and also criticism of anything in order to undertand are always wellcome. What you are doing is far beyond questioning and criticising, and needs to be dealt with.)
I also thought that you might have some feeling of inferiority. Your user name “femme_fatal†has made me think that way. Any woman with self-confidence and respect wouldn’t have picked up such a user name. This site isn’t a dating site. You might have by any chance logged in the page with personal pictures and thought the site was a dating site and decided on “femme_fatal� I thought such a user name just lulled you into a false sense of security and beauty.
However I just didn’t want to judge you with some of your posts as it would have been unfair for you.(it would be unfair for anyone) I have taken my time to understand your physilogy and read over your posts randomly in order to see if I -or any other willing members- can be any help to save you from the hatred occupying your whole heart and blinding your mentality, otherwise some day you will certainly be drowned in your own vomit. Your hate ,of course, can’t harm anyone on here, but harm yourself and people in your life. Mine was just a sign of well intention to spare a person on behalf of mankind.
As I was reading over your posts I realized I had been wrong with what I had thought of you in the first place and felt pity for you. And I have started to be more understanding. What I have noticed is that your voracious abomination infecting your mentality hasn’t got to do with anyone or anything.
Quoting femme_fatal: thats wot i've been telling on this site, that the religions make ppl irresponsible for their lives, they become unable to think like zombies. religions hold the human beings frfom developing, pull back to the middle ages. every religion discriminates the human being! |
It is your own inner fight. A fight against the void in your heart which is deprived of the beauty of faith. The faith which makes all mankind beautiful with not only their inner world but also their relations with other people. Having that beauty or not determines your attitudes against other people. Faith makes people be different from other living creatures. On the other hand if you dont have such a faith it will put you in a position below other living creatures, so it makes you incarnate.
All holly religions have the same fundamantels concerning the scheme of universe and the place of mankind in this scheme; they all put forward the same values: being nice to other people and other creatures, having decent family life, being honest and so on.
The life of the model which had been founded on your outdated frame of mind ruling out all values, traditions and religions lasted seventy years and collapsed in the end. You are from one of those ex-states of a certain union in question, aren’t you? (I don’t understand why you always avoid saying where you are from.) You must know how humane that system was better than us. If you don’t, you mustn’t have succeed in releasing yourself from the chain of that mentality, and freeing your soul. You are just trying to feed the void in your soul by your lame rationalization of religions and traditions.
Quoting femme_fatal: nowadays things went completely wrong: at school near me, teachers hire guards who protect them from kids. this is so sick, its a fault of stress-free way of raising children. now the society bears the consequences of their decision, falling prey of the trendy system once. they and we have to go thru such life lessons, we r not wise enough to foresee. |
Quoting femme_fatal: its my personal conclusion that when u release urself from the jail of traditions and start breathing fully with your lungs u become healthier, the air freshens up your blood circullation and bring more oxygen to your brain but when you are overloaded with all the customs and tradiotions you simply cant freely go ahead. have u seen those who lack the air? they say it became darker in their eyes. |
What you are complaining about above is just due to the corruption of traditions and people’s getting estranged from religions. Not any religion says “be bad against other peopleâ€
Any law or related regulation can’t be enough to prevent these things from happening itself. It is obvious enough today that laws aren’t effective enough to regulate socioeconomic life . Because some people don’t have any faith, love for God. Religions say; “love the created due to the creator.†and “ killing a single person - if it isn’t for self-defence - means killing all people on the earth Any person having this in his mind and heart can’t harm other people.
We, of course, should have such laws to prevent or punish people having committed crime. Crimes have been committed during the history of mankind and will keep happening. However the more people have faith the less they commit any crime. Some might misunderstand or misinterpret religions. That doesnt make any difference and harm the essence of the religions. The wrong practices of religions and customs by some can’t be taken as a model.
By any chance if you have your senses, which you have taken leave, again, and would like to learn about any religion, there are plenty of people on here from all holly religions who are willing to help you any time. Free your soul from dormancy. It is not too late for anything.
Otherwise what you are trying to do on here is just a futile effort.
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