Thanks, it looks like I might not get a definite answer. This really sucks. There were 2 times during our last vacation where he yelled at me for what I thought was no reason. Maybe I can't chalk that up to the heat and language barrier as I had. If you remember my posts he also took it personally and got really mad when I said I didn't feel I know him as well as I should. Things could go either way, these things could be expained OR...eeeek! It doesn't make sense with the rest of what I saw of him and his family. He is very domestic and cooks and cleans. I think I am going to have to have him come here to really see, if it is going to be bad...it will be obvious right away. If it is like some of our last trip together...he will be taking a nice flight home. Someone said a lot of Turkish met treat women crappy...a lot of men treat women crappy. Women as 2nd class citizens is something I think all cultures share as a common history. We have voted in the U.S. for less than 100 years....

It's not that hard to divorce in Turkey.

I got divorced in Turkey to my first husband and it wasn't at all different than it would be in the US, our reason? Irreconcilable Differences! Of course I never mention the part of him cheating on me since that would be consider the norm for these people!

Depending on the case it can be done quickly or it can drag on for months, mostly if it involves money or children.

FWIW...I have noticed most cases of male spousal abuse, the abuse does not manifest itself in the beginning. It starts gradually and it most often rears it's head when the wife becomes "owned". Like when she has children and can't leave, when she looses her assets or becomes so financially or emotionally dependent. At that time the man that he feels he can get away with it.

Men who abuse women are very charming at times. Particularly in the beginning. It's when the woman is under their control that the abuse takes place.

Haven't we all seen the movies, or read the books where the abusive spouse/mate dramatically pleads his case and in an emotional upheaval the abused spouse forgives and takes back the abuser. It's a cycle.

I don't know about Turkish law, but in the US each state has different laws. Some states are community property states, some are not. Community property laws are rather draconian. They also have degrees of marriage, 5 years, 10 years and so on.

It was not that long ago that proof of adultery was required in New York for a divorce decree to be granted.

I mention this because it could be in the state your BF got the divorce in has it's own peculiar requirements.

It's a good rule to look at what is being brought into a marriage. If one is poor and the other is not, I'd question the motives. Even though many to not consider themselves wealthy, the perceptions and standards for wealth differ.

How do you know someone? Not a few have lived together for years, only to get divorced after making it legal. I think the best way is to do your background research. Knowing something about their "family values" helps.

Quoting girleegirl: Quoting Badiabdancer74: If you remember my posts he also took it personally and got really mad when I said I didn't feel I know him as well as I should. Things could go either way, these things could be expained OR...eeeek! Is it just me or does anyone else think you should know the person you are engaged to?

I do know a lot about him, this divorce decree really caught me off guard. When I saw this I had to question everything I think I know. I talked to him about it today and he explained so it is believable/understandable. He also opened the floor for me to ask as many questions as I want about this or whatever. He is NOT particularly charming, just normal, not fake or smarmy like the dudu boys I saw there. The tour organizer I met him through has known his family for over 10 years and they are good people. (not that he couldn't be a bad egg) He has agreed to e-mails using a professional translator now. We have a lot of things to talk over WELL in our native languages rather than the communication that gets the point across, but takes maybe 20 minutes for a 5 minute conversation. I know a lot about the domestic violence cycle from my work, yes people don't usually fall in love with someone who is being abusive. They become that way later. Anyway, like you all said, this is something only I can know (but really it is only an educated guess). I'll let you guys know later and you can say 'oh good!' or "I knew it!" I have a good education, good job, good family and social support and I'm going to have a good pre-nup if I marry him. Plus, my best friend carries a gun...so deportation would be a good outcome if he hurt me!