I received a copy of the divorce decree from my fiance. My question is, would they put something down just to get the divorce granted quickly? It says he used "physical force from time to time heard by the neighbors". In the United States you would have to have a police report with the woman having marks or something for this to be in there. He said it is hard to get a divorce and they had to say something. Any Turkish lawyers here? Could this be true that they would only say that based on what her lawyer said? Either way this makes me ill...he wants me to believe him but....

Here is how he explained it exactly...thanks to MarioninTurkey.

When we get divorced we have to give a reason. It is very hard to get divorced without a reason. And also you have to get divorced quickly. So the lawyer wrote that letter himself just for us to separate quicker. In this way our reason for separating became a violent incompatibility. But this is not really true.

Sorry, I can't help, but this does sound odd... why didn't they put the real reasons for their incompatibility if this is not true? Domestic violence is a serious accusation, how can they use it just like that? In any case, I hope I'm wrong. Best of luck.

You may find this web site useful: Turkish Law Forum

Thanks for the website. There is very little activity there, but maybe someone can answer my basic questions. If this were a person in the U.S. I would be able to tell if they were 'bullshitting' me or not. I cannot do that in this case.

I would be very wary. Yes, you have to have a good reason, but why would he use THIS PARTICULAR reason for divorce - including the detail that it was "heard by the neighbours". He could have used a less damning reason for divorce if he chose.

I think only YOU can know the truth. If he is excessively jealous or possessive then its never a good sign.

I know real cases -not in Turkey though, but Romania- when at the reason of divorcing they had to put adultery or domestic violence since formerly these were reasons legally approved to get divorce.
I think it could be just a reason to get a divorce, in a country where legislation prohibits divorce on the common agreement of the parts, yes.

Thanks, it looks like I might not get a definite answer. This really sucks. There were 2 times during our last vacation where he yelled at me for what I thought was no reason. Maybe I can't chalk that up to the heat and language barrier as I had. If you remember my posts he also took it personally and got really mad when I said I didn't feel I know him as well as I should. Things could go either way, these things could be expained OR...eeeek! It doesn't make sense with the rest of what I saw of him and his family. He is very domestic and cooks and cleans. I think I am going to have to have him come here to really see, if it is going to be bad...it will be obvious right away. If it is like some of our last trip together...he will be taking a nice flight home. Someone said a lot of Turkish met treat women crappy...a lot of men treat women crappy. Women as 2nd class citizens is something I think all cultures share as a common history. We have voted in the U.S. for less than 100 years....

It's not that hard to divorce in Turkey.

I got divorced in Turkey to my first husband and it wasn't at all different than it would be in the US, our reason? Irreconcilable Differences! Of course I never mention the part of him cheating on me since that would be consider the norm for these people!

Depending on the case it can be done quickly or it can drag on for months, mostly if it involves money or children.

FWIW...I have noticed most cases of male spousal abuse, the abuse does not manifest itself in the beginning. It starts gradually and it most often rears it's head when the wife becomes "owned". Like when she has children and can't leave, when she looses her assets or becomes so financially or emotionally dependent. At that time the man that he feels he can get away with it.

Men who abuse women are very charming at times. Particularly in the beginning. It's when the woman is under their control that the abuse takes place.

Haven't we all seen the movies, or read the books where the abusive spouse/mate dramatically pleads his case and in an emotional upheaval the abused spouse forgives and takes back the abuser. It's a cycle.

I don't know about Turkish law, but in the US each state has different laws. Some states are community property states, some are not. Community property laws are rather draconian. They also have degrees of marriage, 5 years, 10 years and so on.

It was not that long ago that proof of adultery was required in New York for a divorce decree to be granted.

I mention this because it could be in the state your BF got the divorce in has it's own peculiar requirements.

It's a good rule to look at what is being brought into a marriage. If one is poor and the other is not, I'd question the motives. Even though many to not consider themselves wealthy, the perceptions and standards for wealth differ.

How do you know someone? Not a few have lived together for years, only to get divorced after making it legal. I think the best way is to do your background research. Knowing something about their "family values" helps.

Quoting girleegirl: Quoting Badiabdancer74: If you remember my posts he also took it personally and got really mad when I said I didn't feel I know him as well as I should. Things could go either way, these things could be expained OR...eeeek! Is it just me or does anyone else think you should know the person you are engaged to?

I do know a lot about him, this divorce decree really caught me off guard. When I saw this I had to question everything I think I know. I talked to him about it today and he explained so it is believable/understandable. He also opened the floor for me to ask as many questions as I want about this or whatever. He is NOT particularly charming, just normal, not fake or smarmy like the dudu boys I saw there. The tour organizer I met him through has known his family for over 10 years and they are good people. (not that he couldn't be a bad egg) He has agreed to e-mails using a professional translator now. We have a lot of things to talk over WELL in our native languages rather than the communication that gets the point across, but takes maybe 20 minutes for a 5 minute conversation. I know a lot about the domestic violence cycle from my work, yes people don't usually fall in love with someone who is being abusive. They become that way later. Anyway, like you all said, this is something only I can know (but really it is only an educated guess). I'll let you guys know later and you can say 'oh good!' or "I knew it!" I have a good education, good job, good family and social support and I'm going to have a good pre-nup if I marry him. Plus, my best friend carries a gun...so deportation would be a good outcome if he hurt me!

theres no meaning of a marriage if things goin bad and worse with any reason.So marriage is a great heart connection then the just simple signatures of some papers.So Turkish law system tries to keep in peace all families,and lately rules changing for make easier to divorcings to.But Turkish traditions still against to divorcings on most of parts Turkey,especially on the rural areas.By the way main rolse still on men as on many things about to families,and most of Turkish women still don't have any right for get divorcing about social and economical reasons.Whatever a happy people only possible with happy families,and strong&happy families social quaranties of the happy futures..Turkish civil law enough democratical and enough powerfull to keep all rights,but pity things not all same on practies and in social life..

im pro dificult divorces, for people could learn, that marriage is not a toy.

Offffffffffffff Elisabeth.....I win with....

Rainy days and mondays always get me down

You don't think I will give up that easily! Here is one that is perfect for this site:

Bless the beasts and the children
For in this world they have no voice
They have no choice.....

We are really showing our age
Well....YOU are! I am only 16 - my mum told me about the Carpenters...

girls, you are all so gifted, you know so many songs, you can sing and play and dance
and i can only clap my hands to the guitar and a beautiful voice of egypt.