I am a little concerned that it seems you were asking me for money? maybe the context of your e mail was a little lost in translation, please send it again in Turkish nad try to explain better , thank you darling..
If I have it right you said you will incur a debt for a job/place to work..you have a job already so I am not too clear about that.
If you can incur debt for that then why not for a house.
I am also wondering why as love me we could not live in the house/apartment you are in now for the time being? I told you I would willingly live in a small area for the time being.. is it because your brother and his wife would not agree to it?
I am just trying to get everything very clear in the translation ok so we do not have any other problems. I love you very much and want to make sure everything is understood, ok as it has been bothering me as to why you would not say..'come and live with you there and now" in the place that you have.ok if you explain in Turkish I will get it translated nad will better understand everything.
I love you with all my heart

Astry - reading your posts is like watching a plane flying towards a mountain. Everyone is screaming at you to change direction, but you just can't hear us

love is blind!!

appreciate all the input!!! but can someone translate my reply for him please? many thanks
Astry

Forget writing messages to him...Just tell him to f. off ! SAVE YOR LIFE

May hurt a little, but "no pain, no gain"

Astry, hope you don't mind me sharing a few thoughts with you. It is obvious from your message that you suspect your man is not as genuine and loving as you believed him to be. You are hoping your doubts are based on some form of misunderstanding or inaccurate translation. I am sure it must sadden and frustrate you when people dismiss your requests for help in translation when you are feeling so in love. Their comments are well meant. This Forum provides a constant stream of evidence demonstrating how foreign girls are used and abused by turkish Dudus..... I should know I was one of those broken hearted Dudu lovers! We all hope are lover is different, however, I am sure there are some good, honest Turkish men out there.

I do not speak Turkish otherwise I would translate for you. However, if you don't mind me saying so, your message would be better drafted in a more forthright manner. You have your pride and you should come from a position of strength - you should not be afraid to ask the questions you might not like the answers to! Don't tolerate excuses or waffle. Direct questions should be given direct answers. There is also less chance of any meanings being lost in translation. For example, perhaps you could say something like:

Darling, I want to be sure we understand each other and share the same feelings about our relationship. Please answer my next two questions honestly:

1. I love you very much and whatever I have I would share with you. Unfortunately, I am broke and have NO MONEY to give you. However, when we live together I am happy to work alongside you to build our future. It does not matter to me that we start with nothing. Do you feel the same?

2. We miss each other so much we should be together. It is impossible for you to come here so I must come to you. It does not matter how meagre the accommodation, I will come out and live with you NOW. Do you agree?

Astry, even if he gives the answers you want, this still does not guarantee he is genuine (maybe he will just settle for a foreign passport!)and you will need to rely on your gut instinct. If it is really love, you will feel happy, safe, confident and respected. NOTHING LESS WILL DO! There already seems enough doubt in your mind for you to walk away from this guy. All the warning signs are there. Sadly, no-one can tell you this until you are ready to accept it. Be wise, be strong, good luck!

Best wishes Mx

Misia - well said!

misia, I know you mean well for astry and you consider yourself experienced in the issue - but your guidance will only take her thru what you suffered earlier, maybe worse.

What astry needs is clinical surgery. The text you suggest astry to write alternatively may have been in order, if the guy were decent. The situation here is different. The awful smell is there: It is time he be dismissed and hands be washed off twice.

She should do what I say now...No need to walk on until her feet are soaked in the shit pond.

Alas! if only life were so simple. Much to my shame I must admit I have needed a frontal labotomy several times over as far as Dudu relationships are concerned! The amazing thing is, many people have looked back on past relationships and wondered why they every loved a particular person or let themselves be abused by them. Friends, family and even strangers have waved the red flag, blown whistles etc in a an attempt to prevent the ensuing 'train wreck' of a doomed relationship but all to no avail. The perplexing question is - why?

Love is a very overpowering emotion and very difficult to disengage from, even when the truth is staring you in the face! Dudus can be very manipulative targeting only the most vunerable people eg the young and inexperienced, the old or the emotionally vulnerable such as recent divorcees. These people are often insecure and desperately feel the need to love and be loved just to give themselves a sense of worth. They cannot get their head around the concept that someone could lie about loving them just to use and abuse their feelings. Sometimes, if they are totally lacking in confidence they even think abuse is all they deserve because no-one has ever treated them properly. For every sociopathic control-freak there is a dependant personality waiting to make up the double act.

I wish the short sharp shock treatment could work, but in truth I don't think think telling someone with possible low self esteem they are stupid and ignorant and heading for disaster is necessarily going to do the trick. It is akin to telling someone grieving to "just get a grip, death is inevitable, get used to it"! Whilst this is true, there are recognised stages in grieving and though one does eventually reach the stage of 'acceptance', this does not happen overnight. I don't think anyone knows the way to make someone instantly strong enough to hear and accept the truth of any situation. People only seem to learn by their own mistakes, all you can do is be there to support and guide them.

It is frustrating when people don't listen to good advice and fail to act upon the obvious, but sometimes human nature is complex. The fact we are all trying to help Astra and others in her situation shows that Forum members are a caring bunch and a "jolly nice" group of people. It's a pleasure getting to know you. You have helped me enormously with translations and identifying Dudu behaviour. Fortunately, I was experienced and confident enough to act on your advice. I am proud to say I can disassociate myself from a Dudu in a millisecond! Mx