A very pretty young speech  therapist was getting nowhere with her
Stammerers´ Action  group. She had tried every technique in the book
without the  slightest success.

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you  can tell me the
name of the town where you were born, without  stuttering, I will have
wild and passionate sex with you until your  muscles ache and your eyes
water. So, who wants to go first  ?"

The Englishman piped up.  "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said.

"That´s no use, Trevor" said the  speech therapist, "Who´s next ?"

The Scotsman raised his hand and  blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".

That´s no  better. There´ll be no sex for you, I´m afraid,  Hamish.

How about you, Paddy  ?

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out  " London ".

Brilliant, Paddy! said the speech therapist and immediately set about
living up to her promise.

After 15 minutes of exceptionally  steamy sex, the couple paused for
breath and Paddy said....

....."-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

That´s not right...
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man...
Dum Gai

Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat

It´s very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo

He´s cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Stin Ki Pu
A piece of cake,huh?

Haha!  Oldies but goodies!   My son could do with this - he´s in Shanghai studying Chinese at the moment!

 lucky dog...!!!never felt enchanted by Chinese except shaolin cloister performance...ahhh...Bruce-he was the man..

A few ´blond´ jokes I was sent today (apologies to blond tc members! )

- Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other,
´Which do you think is farther away...
Florida or the moon?´
The other blonde turns and says
´Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????´

- A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died. 
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. 
She says, ´What´s the story?´ 
He replies, ´Just crap in the carburetor´
She asks, ´How often do I have to do that?´

- A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. 
She replied in a huff, ´I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!´

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor´s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
´Impossible!´ says the doctor. ´Show me.´ 
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more.
She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream. 
The doctor said, ´You´re not really a redhead, are you? 
´Well, no´ she said, ´I´m actually a blonde.´ 
´I thought so,´ the doctor said, ´Your finger is broken.´
 
- A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ´PULL OVER!´ 
´NO!´ the blonde yelled back, ´IT´S A SCARF!´

-  A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night...
It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, ´If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?´
She thought for a time and then asked, ´Is it on or off?´

Q: What´s brown and sticky?

A: A stick.

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on...


The first surgeon, from Bristol , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."


The second, from Manchester , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."


The third surgeon, from Edinburgh , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."


The fourth surgeon, from Birmingham chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those blokes always understand when you have a few parts left over."


But the fifth surgeon, from London shut them all up when he observed: "You´re all wrong, Politicians are the easiest to operate on"...............................
.................................."There´s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the backside are interchangeable."

muuuuuuhahahahhahhhahaha

Love it!

In an attempt to reclaim my sapik title.

STOP CHOKING - AUSSIE STYLE

A woman sitting in an Adelaide Pub suddenly began to cough.

 
After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Bluey and Bazza sitting at the next table turned to look at her.

"Ken ya swaller?" asked Bluey

The woman signalled ´No!´, desperately shaking her head.

"Kin ya breathe?" asked Bazza. The woman shook her head, No!!!

With that, Bluey walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her bottom.

This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.

Bluey swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.

Bazza said in admiration ´Ya know Bluey, I´d heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that´s the first time I ever seen somebody do it.´

muahahahahahahahahahahahaha