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I hate this whole abi/kardes thing!!!!
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| 30. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 08:29 am |
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Quoting portokal:  |
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| 31. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 08:34 am |
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Quoting thehandsom: You are right about what you are saying Marion, but catwoman has a point too.
All those respect doesn't stay as respect only.
There are many things attached to that respect.
Most of the times, not listening to your elders or not doing what they want you to do is considered disrespectful.
Most of the times it turns into many battles with the elders if you want to break free.
You feel suffocated. You feel limited. You know they were wrong and they want you to do the same errors.
And it is better sometimes what is wrong is learnt by youngsters. not by advice.
Basically, this entire respect thing should not be over exaggerated.
Boundries should be set clearly.
And what those boundries are, should not be left to elders.
Otherwise they will just try to make you exactly same as themselves. |
Of course I have a point! hahah  In Poland there's no of this weird abi/abla - kardes hierarchy thing, but sometimes there's still a strange, weird expectation of children according to their age. I am the oldest one and I used to be expected more then others just because of my age. I was punished more for similar pricks ("as an example to others" or "because you're the oldest"  ). It was extremely suffocating for me as well and made no sense AT ALL. It didn't teach anything good to me nor to my siblings, unless being punished more than others for the same things is supposed to be something good... or seeing people being punished unfairly because of exaggerated responsibility is supposed to teach them something good... I don't know. All I see there is hypocricy and lies. It's absolutely ridiculous that kids/people cannot be respected equally or based on what they deserve.
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| 32. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 11:21 am |
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How old/young are you people that you talk or have time to worry the older younger sibling thing. 
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| 33. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 12:52 pm |
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in my language, an older sister should be called "ate" and a brother who is older should be called "kuya". when we say "yes" to an older person we say "opo" as a sign of respect.
in korean an older sister is called ... hmmm i forgot, but an older brother is called "oppa" or something like that.
this is all because of tradition and a sign of respect. i guess what i'm trying to say is, i don't have a problem with it, and isn't it supposed to be a good thing when people show respect?
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| 34. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 01:11 pm |
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We dont have it much nowadays specially in cities,but we have it same in other places,big brother,carry the responsibility of the family,sometimes not only included his brothers and sisters,but also cousins who are younger than him,and he would be head of the family later
He,she take care of them,solve their problems,and they are not forced to do so,they feel responsible to do it because they are older,and the others are younger
İt doesnt mean it differentiate between brothers and sisters upon ages regarding to the parents,but the elders carry that responsibility too out of love,so i guess the youngers offer their respect for the care they enjoy it too.
Shouldnt you say thank you to a person if he ,or she look after you,and be there for you ,and you KNOW she or he will ALWAYS be there ?
So i guess its lovely if they show their respect and appreciation this way.
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| 35. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 01:38 pm |
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Quoting thehandsom: Quoting MarioninTurkey:
It is a kind of collective social support system.
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You are right about what you are saying Marion, but catwoman has a point too.
All those respect doesn't stay as respect only.
There are many things attached to that respect.
Most of the times, not listening to your elders or not doing what they want you to do is considered disrespectful.
Most of the times it turns into many battles with the elders if you want to break free.
You feel suffocated. You feel limited. You know they were wrong and they want you to do the same errors.
And it is better sometimes what is wrong is learnt by youngsters. not by advice.
Basically, this entire respect thing should not be over exaggerated.
Boundries should be set clearly.
And what those boundries are, should not be left to elders.
Otherwise they will just try to make you exactly same as themselves.
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Hi
Yes: you note I also gave the negative side by saying:
At its worst, people can use the situation to manipulate, control and abuse. e.g. younger ones take advantage of the commitment of the older ones, and dont go out to work, or older one uses emotional blackmail "I helped you in the past, now you have to do what I say".
I agree. It depends on the family members, and them being loving and caring, not selfish and manipulative.
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| 36. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 01:42 pm |
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Quoting longinotti1: How old/young are you people that you talk or have time to worry the older younger sibling thing. |
Longinotti-
It goes on until the day you die!
For example, I have a friend who is an executive in the insurance industry. She is over 50.
Her older brother is a doctor.
Her younger brother is an architect, except he is an arty type and doesnt work much.
She and her older brother send him a lot of money for him and his wife and kids every month.
In the UK, a successful woman who works very hard (over 60 hours a week) at a pressurised job would just say "lazy bum, if he cant be bothered to go out and get commissions then too bad, he cant have a nice house, car, holiday etc etc like me".
My friend and he older brother say "Poor younger brother, he is artistic and so cant face working hard, we have to help him to have what we have."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| 37. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 06:29 pm |
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Quoting MarioninTurkey:
My friend and her older brother say 'Poor younger brother, he is artistic and so cant face working hard, we have to help him to have what we have.'
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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What a wonderful new line for dudus to adopt 'Poor me, I am artistic and so can't face working hard, you have to help me to have what you have' 
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| 38. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 06:42 pm |
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Thats basically what they do say isnt it but one also has the added annoyance constant pestering and sexual harassment thrown in for free!
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| 39. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:07 pm |
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Quoting MarioninTurkey: For example, I have a friend who is an executive in the insurance industry. She is over 50.
Her older brother is a doctor.
Her younger brother is an architect, except he is an arty type and doesnt work much.
She and her older brother send him a lot of money for him and his wife and kids every month. |
OMG!!! How CAN he take the money?????? He's a grown up man and he's taking his sister's and brother's money to live on? I can't possibly comprehend that... :-S
Quoting MarioninTurkey: In the UK, a successful woman who works very hard (over 60 hours a week) at a pressurised job would just say "lazy bum, if he cant be bothered to go out and get commissions then too bad, he cant have a nice house, car, holiday etc etc like me". |
Yeah.... that's basically what it is.  And that's how it should be, why should anybody carry the burden of other people?
Quoting MarioninTurkey: My friend and he older brother say "Poor younger brother, he is artistic and so cant face working hard, we have to help him to have what we have."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I would have been screwed if I was born in turkey because I'm the oldest  .
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| 40. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:17 pm |
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Quoting catwoman:
OMG!!! How CAN he take the money??????
why should anybody carry the burden of other people?
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Are you trying to insult our customs here again? eh? 
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