Turkey |
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I hate this whole abi/kardes thing!!!!
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| 1. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 05:51 am |
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geez, I hate this hierarchy that's even between siblings!!! abi has special privileges, kardes is the little brother who looks up to abi.... grrrrrrr... this is sooooooo stupid! 
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| 2. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 05:54 am |
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Really?....You think we should immediately give up this terrible Turkish habbit? 
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| 3. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 06:24 am |
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Quoting catwoman: geez, I hate this hierarchy that's even between siblings!!! abi has special privileges, kardes is the little brother who looks up to abi.... grrrrrrr... this is sooooooo stupid! |
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| 4. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 06:25 am |
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Quoting AlphaF: Really?....You think we should immediately give up this terrible Turkish habbit? |
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| 5. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 06:26 am |
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Quoting AlphaF: Really?....You think we should immediately give up this terrible Turkish habit? |
Wouldn't that be awesome... 
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| 6. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 06:27 am |
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How would we know which one of the brothers is the older?
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| 7. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 06:59 am |
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Quoting AlphaF: How would we know which one of the brothers is the older? |
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| 8. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 11:24 am |
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I don't mind it...and I actually don't mind being called abla by people selling things. As long as they don't call me teyze everything is fine...
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| 9. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 11:29 am |
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I don't have any problem with it. I used to but now I realise it is just a tradition and actually when a person calls you abla at least it is a respectful approach, rather than a oi you or hey lady!
I must admit though, I am way too young to be called teyze, and when some little boy called me that I felt terrible - but he was after all only about 8 and anybody over 20 to an 8 year old, is a dinosaur.
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| 10. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 02:35 pm |
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its a great hierarchy about love&respect,and its really nice for social control when used it in true way,for make more love&respect but pity not easy to find old ablas,abis and kardeşs at the days,an awful social deformationso i think not all true look at this hierarchy as a pirivilage,its a great tradition of our people as a way to show our respect and loves to olders and youngers..it isn't possibile to realize goodness of an another culture without live or practise it.....
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| 11. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 02:58 pm |
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Quoting MrX67: its a great hierarchy about love&respect,and its really nice for social control when used it in true way,for make more love&respectbut pity not easy to find old ablas,abis and kardeşs at the days,an awful social deformationso i think not all true look at this hierarchy as a pirivilage,its a great tradition of our people as a way to show our respect and loves to olders and youngers.. |
sorry mrx, but what is this social deformation?
Personally, I never believed that concept of social deformation..
I cant see the point of seeing young girls with mini skirt and thinking/complaining 'ah ah dear..in old days, girls were different, the families were different, the manner was different!! etc'.
It is just evolving human beings.
Good or bad. Like it or not.
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| 12. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 03:10 pm |
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Quoting thehandsom: Quoting MrX67: its a great hierarchy about love&respect,and its really nice for social control when used it in true way,for make more love&respectbut pity not easy to find old ablas,abis and kardeşs at the days,an awful social deformationso i think not all true look at this hierarchy as a pirivilage,its a great tradition of our people as a way to show our respect and loves to olders and youngers.. |
sorry mrx, but what is this social deformation?
Personally, I never believed that concept of social deformation..
I cant see the point of seeing young girls with mini skirt and thinking/complaining 'ah ah dear..in old days, girls were different, the families were different, the manner was different!! etc'.
It is just evolving human beings.
Good or bad. Like it or not. |
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| 13. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 06:49 pm |
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I simply hate hierarchy and treating people differently based on age. I also hate this "tradition" of disrespecting children... I definitely think this affects self esteem of these kids. On top of putting everyone in suffocating boxes...
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| 14. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 06:53 pm |
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Could someone explain a little more what this means abi/kardes? How are they treated differently? 
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| 15. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 08:06 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: I simply hate hierarchy and treating people differently based on age. I also hate this "tradition" of disrespecting children... I definitely think this affects self esteem of these kids. On top of putting everyone in suffocating boxes... |
If my psycho analysis of you is correct, catwoman (and I am sure it's NOT) I would say you were the youngest girl child in a family of 10 sons!
If I get it right....can I have 10 extra points???
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| 16. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 08:36 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: I simply hate hierarchy and treating people differently based on age. I also hate this "tradition" of disrespecting children... I definitely think this affects self esteem of these kids. On top of putting everyone in suffocating boxes... |
You have got it all wrong. Being the older brother does have its priviledges: but it also entails duties and responsibilities
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| 17. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 08:55 pm |
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what about amca/dayi, teyze/hala, abla, yenge  , etc++++
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| 18. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 09:34 pm |
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Quoting teaschip1: Could someone explain a little more what this means abi/kardes? How are they treated differently? |
Abi is the elder one, kardes is the younger one. The older one has more duties regarding the family, thus he has more respect in the family
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| 19. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 09:42 pm |
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Quoting elham: Quoting teaschip1: Could someone explain a little more what this means abi/kardes? How are they treated differently? |
Abi is the elder one, kardes is the younger one. The older one has more duties regarding the family, thus he has more respect in the family
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I like that , but we don't use it in my country,some families i Egypt use that
abi and abla also to elder sister
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| 20. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 10:19 pm |
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Quoting teaschip1: Could someone explain a little more what this means abi/kardes? How are they treated differently? |
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| 21. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 10:32 pm |
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Quoting elham: Quoting elham: Quoting teaschip1: Could someone explain a little more what this means abi/kardes? How are they treated differently? |
Abi is the elder one, kardes is the younger one. The older one has more duties regarding the family, thus he has more respect in the family
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I like that , but we don't use it in my country,some families i Egypt use that
abi and abla also to elder sister |
Oh, I think I see know..How come they have more respect though, because their older? Doesn't each family member have chores or responsiblites? So what happens when they all grow to be adults are they then on the same respect level? Sorry, I'm just trying to understand. 
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| 22. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 10:36 pm |
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I think I'm trying to relate it too much with my culture and being the only girl with 3 brothers, I'm having difficulties trying to understand. :-S
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| 23. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 10:38 pm |
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Quoting teaschip1: Quoting elham: Quoting elham: Quoting teaschip1: Could someone explain a little more what this means abi/kardes? How are they treated differently? |
Abi is the elder one, kardes is the younger one. The older one has more duties regarding the family, thus he has more respect in the family
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I like that , but we don't use it in my country,some families i Egypt use that
abi and abla also to elder sister |
Oh, I think I see know..How come they have more respect though, because their older? Doesn't each family member have chores or responsiblites? So what happens when they all grow to be adults are they then on the same respect level? Sorry, I'm just trying to understand. |
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| 24. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 10:42 pm |
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| 25. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 10:46 pm |
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Quoting MrX67: ........thats not a certain classifaction about duty or responsibility for sure teaschip,sure each members of people or family have own duties and responsibilites,but thats a common tradition for Turkish people (its even a bit stronger on rural areas) to show respect to age,so age really big advantage for social statu |
Jumping in here, I love it in as much as there is a certain decorum and formality brought into relationships that does not decrease the love and affection felt among members of society.
Abi, kardes, abla and so forth are very polite ways to address each other. I think in some parts of the world we have lost that little bit of etiquette and have decended into rougher means of communication.
Also, I have never seen a culture where children are so prized, loved and respected. I also think it's better than the disrespect held in some places towards elders.
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| 26. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 10:57 pm |
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this topic look likes to explaining test of Turkish kebap or Turkish raki to who never tasted em
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| 27. |
22 Feb 2008 Fri 10:58 pm |
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Quoting MrX67: Quoting teaschip1: Could someone explain a little more what this means abi/kardes? How are they treated differently? |
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Teaschip
Even when grown up, the older brother and sister will act with responsibility to the younger siblings. e.g. one of my members of staff is 27. She is abla and sends about half of her salary every month to her 20 year old brother who is at university. The older one helps support the younger one. In return, the younger ones often listen to the advice or wishes of their older brother or sister.
It is not just in money terms, but this is an easy way to explain it as a foreigner. In the UK older brothers and sisters donot feel so responsible to help out.
It is a kind of collective social support system. Like all things, at its best it works really well and is wonderful. At its worst, people can use the situation to manipulate, control and abuse. e.g. younger ones take advantage of the commitment of the older ones, and dont go out to work, or older one uses emotional blackmail "I helped you in the past, now you have to do what I say".
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| 28. |
23 Feb 2008 Sat 02:26 am |
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Quoting MarioninTurkey:
It is a kind of collective social support system.
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You are right about what you are saying Marion, but catwoman has a point too.
All those respect doesn't stay as respect only.
There are many things attached to that respect.
Most of the times, not listening to your elders or not doing what they want you to do is considered disrespectful.
Most of the times it turns into many battles with the elders if you want to break free.
You feel suffocated. You feel limited. You know they were wrong and they want you to do the same errors.
And it is better sometimes what is wrong is learnt by youngsters. not by advice.
Basically, this entire respect thing should not be over exaggerated.
Boundries should be set clearly.
And what those boundries are, should not be left to elders.
Otherwise they will just try to make you exactly same as themselves.
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| 29. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 06:59 am |
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I appreciate all of you taking the time to explain to me, it now makes sense.
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| 30. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 08:29 am |
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Quoting portokal: |
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| 31. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 08:34 am |
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Quoting thehandsom: You are right about what you are saying Marion, but catwoman has a point too.
All those respect doesn't stay as respect only.
There are many things attached to that respect.
Most of the times, not listening to your elders or not doing what they want you to do is considered disrespectful.
Most of the times it turns into many battles with the elders if you want to break free.
You feel suffocated. You feel limited. You know they were wrong and they want you to do the same errors.
And it is better sometimes what is wrong is learnt by youngsters. not by advice.
Basically, this entire respect thing should not be over exaggerated.
Boundries should be set clearly.
And what those boundries are, should not be left to elders.
Otherwise they will just try to make you exactly same as themselves. |
Of course I have a point! hahah In Poland there's no of this weird abi/abla - kardes hierarchy thing, but sometimes there's still a strange, weird expectation of children according to their age. I am the oldest one and I used to be expected more then others just because of my age. I was punished more for similar pricks ("as an example to others" or "because you're the oldest" ). It was extremely suffocating for me as well and made no sense AT ALL. It didn't teach anything good to me nor to my siblings, unless being punished more than others for the same things is supposed to be something good... or seeing people being punished unfairly because of exaggerated responsibility is supposed to teach them something good... I don't know. All I see there is hypocricy and lies. It's absolutely ridiculous that kids/people cannot be respected equally or based on what they deserve.
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| 32. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 11:21 am |
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How old/young are you people that you talk or have time to worry the older younger sibling thing.
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| 33. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 12:52 pm |
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in my language, an older sister should be called "ate" and a brother who is older should be called "kuya". when we say "yes" to an older person we say "opo" as a sign of respect.
in korean an older sister is called ... hmmm i forgot, but an older brother is called "oppa" or something like that.
this is all because of tradition and a sign of respect. i guess what i'm trying to say is, i don't have a problem with it, and isn't it supposed to be a good thing when people show respect?
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| 34. |
24 Feb 2008 Sun 01:11 pm |
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We dont have it much nowadays specially in cities,but we have it same in other places,big brother,carry the responsibility of the family,sometimes not only included his brothers and sisters,but also cousins who are younger than him,and he would be head of the family later
He,she take care of them,solve their problems,and they are not forced to do so,they feel responsible to do it because they are older,and the others are younger
İt doesnt mean it differentiate between brothers and sisters upon ages regarding to the parents,but the elders carry that responsibility too out of love,so i guess the youngers offer their respect for the care they enjoy it too.
Shouldnt you say thank you to a person if he ,or she look after you,and be there for you ,and you KNOW she or he will ALWAYS be there ?
So i guess its lovely if they show their respect and appreciation this way.
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| 35. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 01:38 pm |
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Quoting thehandsom: Quoting MarioninTurkey:
It is a kind of collective social support system.
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You are right about what you are saying Marion, but catwoman has a point too.
All those respect doesn't stay as respect only.
There are many things attached to that respect.
Most of the times, not listening to your elders or not doing what they want you to do is considered disrespectful.
Most of the times it turns into many battles with the elders if you want to break free.
You feel suffocated. You feel limited. You know they were wrong and they want you to do the same errors.
And it is better sometimes what is wrong is learnt by youngsters. not by advice.
Basically, this entire respect thing should not be over exaggerated.
Boundries should be set clearly.
And what those boundries are, should not be left to elders.
Otherwise they will just try to make you exactly same as themselves.
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Hi
Yes: you note I also gave the negative side by saying:
At its worst, people can use the situation to manipulate, control and abuse. e.g. younger ones take advantage of the commitment of the older ones, and dont go out to work, or older one uses emotional blackmail "I helped you in the past, now you have to do what I say".
I agree. It depends on the family members, and them being loving and caring, not selfish and manipulative.
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| 36. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 01:42 pm |
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Quoting longinotti1: How old/young are you people that you talk or have time to worry the older younger sibling thing. |
Longinotti-
It goes on until the day you die!
For example, I have a friend who is an executive in the insurance industry. She is over 50.
Her older brother is a doctor.
Her younger brother is an architect, except he is an arty type and doesnt work much.
She and her older brother send him a lot of money for him and his wife and kids every month.
In the UK, a successful woman who works very hard (over 60 hours a week) at a pressurised job would just say "lazy bum, if he cant be bothered to go out and get commissions then too bad, he cant have a nice house, car, holiday etc etc like me".
My friend and he older brother say "Poor younger brother, he is artistic and so cant face working hard, we have to help him to have what we have."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| 37. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 06:29 pm |
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Quoting MarioninTurkey:
My friend and her older brother say 'Poor younger brother, he is artistic and so cant face working hard, we have to help him to have what we have.'
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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What a wonderful new line for dudus to adopt 'Poor me, I am artistic and so can't face working hard, you have to help me to have what you have'
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| 38. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 06:42 pm |
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Thats basically what they do say isnt it but one also has the added annoyance constant pestering and sexual harassment thrown in for free!
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| 39. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:07 pm |
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Quoting MarioninTurkey: For example, I have a friend who is an executive in the insurance industry. She is over 50.
Her older brother is a doctor.
Her younger brother is an architect, except he is an arty type and doesnt work much.
She and her older brother send him a lot of money for him and his wife and kids every month. |
OMG!!! How CAN he take the money?????? He's a grown up man and he's taking his sister's and brother's money to live on? I can't possibly comprehend that... :-S
Quoting MarioninTurkey: In the UK, a successful woman who works very hard (over 60 hours a week) at a pressurised job would just say "lazy bum, if he cant be bothered to go out and get commissions then too bad, he cant have a nice house, car, holiday etc etc like me". |
Yeah.... that's basically what it is. And that's how it should be, why should anybody carry the burden of other people?
Quoting MarioninTurkey: My friend and he older brother say "Poor younger brother, he is artistic and so cant face working hard, we have to help him to have what we have."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I would have been screwed if I was born in turkey because I'm the oldest .
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| 40. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:17 pm |
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Quoting catwoman:
OMG!!! How CAN he take the money??????
why should anybody carry the burden of other people?
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Are you trying to insult our customs here again? eh? 
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| 41. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:31 pm |
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Quoting thehandsom: Quoting catwoman:
OMG!!! How CAN he take the money??????
why should anybody carry the burden of other people?
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Are you trying to insult our customs here again? eh? |
No... not at all!!! hahahah, I LOVE your customs! They should be made into an international law! 
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| 42. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:37 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: Quoting thehandsom: Quoting catwoman:
OMG!!! How CAN he take the money??????
why should anybody carry the burden of other people?
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Are you trying to insult our customs here again? eh? |
No... not at all!!! hahahah, I LOVE your customs! They should be made into an international law! |
Wait until the son of king Cinyras of Cyprus and his daughter Myrrha comes and sees this..
He will deal with you..
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| 43. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:41 pm |
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Quoting thehandsom: Wait until the son of king Cinyras of Cyprus and his daughter Myrrha comes and sees this..
He will deal with you.. |
Who the hell is that? Should I bother getting out of bed when they arrive?
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| 44. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:43 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: Quoting thehandsom: Wait until the son of king Cinyras of Cyprus and his daughter Myrrha comes and sees this..
He will deal with you.. |
Who the hell is that? Should I bother getting out of bed when they arrive? |
offfff cat ya..
why dont you google it..greek mythology ya..
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| 45. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:47 pm |
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Quoting thehandsom: offfff cat ya..
why dont you google it..greek mythology ya.. |
Geez, handsom, you are trying to scare me with mythology?! What's next? Will I be cursed by allah?
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| 46. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:52 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: Quoting thehandsom: offfff cat ya..
why dont you google it..greek mythology ya.. |
Geez, handsom, you are trying to scare me with mythology?! What's next? Will I be cursed by allah? |
Those names are the parents of adonis ya cat..
allah allah..
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| 47. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 07:54 pm |
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Quoting thehandsom: Those names are the parents of adonis ya cat..
allah allah..
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Oh... now I see the depth of your message! That's a good one, but I'm still not scared!
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| 48. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 08:06 pm |
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Quoting thehandsom: Quoting catwoman: Quoting thehandsom: offfff cat ya..
why dont you google it..greek mythology ya.. |
Geez, handsom, you are trying to scare me with mythology?! What's next? Will I be cursed by allah? |
Those names are the parents of adonis ya cat..
allah allah..
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r u talkin 'bout me?
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| 49. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 08:12 pm |
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Quoting adonis: r u talkin 'bout me? |
absolutely NOT, go back to sleep cnm.
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| 50. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 08:29 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: Quoting adonis: r u talkin 'bout me? |
absolutely NOT, go back to sleep cnm. |
my eyez on you, so i don't sleep.. 
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| 51. |
25 Feb 2008 Mon 08:38 pm |
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Quoting adonis: my eyez on you, so i don't sleep.. |
Oh... ado...  hahaha, but what will girleegirl say to this..?
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| 52. |
26 Feb 2008 Tue 08:07 am |
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Quoting catwoman:
Oh... ado... hahaha, but what will girleegirl say to this..? |
Oh kitty that was yesterday's news! You and III have to fight over him now!
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| 53. |
26 Feb 2008 Tue 02:41 pm |
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Quoting girleegirl: Oh kitty that was yesterday's news! You and III have to fight over him now! |
I thought you'd still be jealous... I don't need to worry about III since she's not here right now.. and ado seems to be having fun without her... lol
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| 54. |
26 Feb 2008 Tue 02:49 pm |
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...on which note I wonder - is ado an abi or a kardes? lol
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| 55. |
26 Feb 2008 Tue 03:42 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: Quoting girleegirl: Oh kitty that was yesterday's news! You and III have to fight over him now! |
I thought you'd still be jealous... I don't need to worry about III since she's not here right now.. and ado seems to be having fun without her... lol |
it seems that you are hungry. Whiskas time is coming..
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| 56. |
26 Feb 2008 Tue 06:59 pm |
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Were the bones tasty ado?
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| 57. |
26 Feb 2008 Tue 07:20 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: Were the bones tasty ado? |
you'd better stop meowing...
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| 58. |
26 Feb 2008 Tue 07:47 pm |
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Quoting adonis: Quoting catwoman: Were the bones tasty ado? |
you'd better stop meowing... |
hearing voices? :-S
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| 59. |
26 Feb 2008 Tue 08:40 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: hearing voices? :-S |
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| 60. |
26 Feb 2008 Tue 10:40 pm |
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Çok komiksin kardeşim!
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| 61. |
27 Feb 2008 Wed 04:19 am |
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somebody's post disappeared
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