Quoting mltm:

Let´s look at it the positive way. Now, you know your husband a little bit better.

Quote:

I think as a woman, last thing you want to do is going on and on about this issue and lecturing him about the potential danger of watching porn (and eventually breaking up that satifying marriage)..

Quoting catwoman:

I completely agree with Karekin. I think this is a bad sign.. Maybe you don´t want to "lecture your husband" just yet, but if I was you, I would find out more about pornography, what kind of stuff is out there that your husband may be watching... and ask yourself, are you really OK with that? Husband watching porn has a very negative effect on most women and on the relationship overall. If you are not ok with him doing it, I think you should not compromise. If this issue becomes very serious, you could seek couple´s counseling.

Quoting thehandsom:

well..
Catwoman, i can see what will happen to you in the future ..
You will get married/(or living together or wha(t)ever) and then one day, you will discover hidden files in your partner´s computer..and then you will start ´LECTURING HIM´ with everything you got about phornography and then he will either say ´yes maam´ ´I wont do it again and do it later on´ or you will finish your relation..
your choice really!!

Quoting catwoman:

Quoting thehandsom:

Your approach to this ´simple issue´ is ´not´ very positive and constructive..
I fear that with your approach, you will become a ´partnerless´ girl catwoman.
Meltem´s approach was much better:
Let´s look at it the positive way. Now, you know your husband a little bit better

Quoting catwoman:

There is about 1,000 other things to enjoy in life other besides a partner.

Quoting thehandsom:

Well catwoman,
But you can NOT reproduce with those 1000 other things..
can you?

Quoting thehandsom:

Quoting catwoman:

I assure you that people will stand in lines to get a chance to reproduce with me!

Quoting Saskia1970:

Is reproducing all there is with a partner? Is that the ultimate goal of having sex? How Roman Catholic are you in this, Thehandsom, you sound like the Pope.

Quoting thehandsom:

Haha
It is a good one..
But possibly, the people will stand in line to get a chance to reproduce with you will be all porn addicts..I mean the chance is quite high...
And then the question comes:
´why on earth have you not been POSITIVE with what you had at home in the first place´?

Quoting Saskia1970:

Is reproducing all there is with a partner? Is that the ultimate goal of having sex?

Quoting mltm:

(well, don´t tell me about "sperm banks" catwoman.)

Quote:

I´d prefer adoption then a sperm bank, but sperm banks are great. Whatever gives women more freedom is always great.

Quoting catwoman:

Whatever gives women more freedom is always great.

Quoting catwoman:

There is about 1,000 other things to enjoy in life other besides a partner.

Quote:

Quoting karekin04:

Now now catwoman, how can you be so unwomanly? You should listen to mltm, and learn how to be a good little wifey

Quote:

Quoting thehandsom: Quoting karekin04: I´d prefer adoption then a sperm bank, but sperm banks are great. Whatever gives women more freedom is always great. Now now catwoman, how can you be so unwomanly? You should listen to mltm, and learn how to be a good little wifey

Quoting mltm:

Quoting catwoman:

Would you mind explaining how men´s EQUAL rights are being limited here?

Quoting mltm:

Let´s look at it the positive way. Now, you know your husband a little bit better.
I think it´s not worth worrying a lot. I don´t think you can ban an adult to do something either. The only thing you can do is to show that you are not happy with it, and later in a friendly way you can ask him more about it, like why he did it.
And for the future, I hope you won´t need to discover more to know more about him!

Quoting Daydreamer:

I agree with Meltem and Libralady here. That he was watching porn doesn´t mean he´s a pervert, just like having a beer every now and then doesn´t make you an alcoholic.

As for sperm banks, I do appreciate their role as institutions helping people with fertility problems, yet, I´d never rate them higher than reproducing with a partner the traditional way.

Quoting irashay:

I recently came home to find all my computer files were deleted, e.g search history, recent websites. Being a bit of a computer nerd I searched through my computer to find when it was deleted and what was previously veiwed before being cleared.
I found searches for porn and all things discusting. My husbands friend and him thought it was interesting to look at women puuting large objects in places they shouldnt.
I confronted him and asked whats his problem looking at dirty things like that.

I let it slip and now am Im thinking should I be worried???

Quoting Elisabeth:

Oh irashay....I know exactly how you feel. This happened in my previous relationship. I felt so betrayed...like I had been cheated on. Some people would say it isn´t a big deal, but for me, it hurt and I never trusted him again. Just follow your gut. If you are ok with letting it slide then you probably know in your heart of hearts there is nothing to worry about. For me, I knew it was a sign of something more...Good luck!

Quoting Daydreamer:

I´ve just thought of something - do you need to meet special criteria if you want to use a sperm bank or can anybody do it if they want to? I´ve heard that adoption process is quite long and the parents-to-be environment is carefully scrutinised before they´re granted the right to adopt a child. Is it the same with sperm banks? If not then it´s a pretty dangerous thing as you never know who will get the sperm or what will happen to life thus started. Also, it´s petty discriminatory for guys as although women can have a child on their own, they cannot.

Quoting libralady:

Well I think of it like this, I would want to know the father and have enjoyed the process

Quoting catwoman:

Quoting karekin04:

teaschip, sorry I dont agree with you that he feels unsatisfied, in most cases it has nothing to do with a partner, and them being inadequate in anyway. Thats like saying your man started smoking crack because you were boring.

Quoting catwoman:

Quoting catwoman:

Quoting teaschip:

Quoting catwoman:

-- first of all, porn does not spice up sex life. ok, maybe it does - in a similar way as alcohol, or cocaine may spice up a relationship. however, the alcohol - porn comparison is not quite accurate because men and women are not depicted the same way in porn. pornography depicts females in a degraded, submissive, dominated way and the females often suffer in porn - so that the male can have some sadistic ´fun´. females in porn don´t experience any pleasure, so to say that women like porn is like saying that women like to be raped and abused. no healthy woman would freely like to watch the mainstream porn. it is only about male fantasy of dominance and sexual abuse.

-- some women may watch porn, but the fact is that most women who do, report that they felt pressured and/or intimidated to do so. it is a fact that pornography leads to lower self-esteem, much more serious then usual body image problems, depression.

-- pornography does not exist in a vacuum and is not a product of people´s creativity. it is an industrial product, a product of misogyny and hatred of women. it is a disgusting and ugly expression of sexuality - sexuality where a woman is a piece of meat that the man can cum in the mouth of, can penetrate anally, can give her any amount of pain he wants. these men call women "three orifices" - that´s exactly what women mean to these men.

-- we live in a patriarchal, sexist culture, where women are not valued as full human beings, but mainly for their appearance. in this culture boys are socialized from a very early age to identify their sexuality with objectification of women. once you justify objectification (dehumanization), a lot of cruel and appalling products can be possible to watch and ´enjoy´. so a lot of ´normal´ men can watch porn and not be considered perverted or sick, because our culture accepts as normal at least some level of perversion and disrespecting female bodies.

-- it is wrong to say that pornography has no effect on a person. of course it does. there are countless of examples. it is not a sole factor, but it is a very big one. men who view pornography report that monogamous relationships are not normal or natural, they say that rape is not a crime, it is an acceptable act, they cease being satisfied with sex with a ´normal´ woman and it may even progress to not wanting any sex with a real person at all, it leads to sexual dysfunction... and many others.

-- i am not even going to get into the practices of the industry itself....

Quoting KeithL:

I have found my fair share of woman

Quoting catwoman:

Quoting KeithL:

I´m not going to argue for "or against" the merits of porn. But I think gereralizing about women´s attitudes on porn is similar to saying women don´t want sex as much as men. I have found my fair share of woman who have been far more "open-minded" in sex that I might be. I do believe there are women out there who do enjoy having their sex video-taped for the excitement (isn´t this porn?). But I do agree with you Catwoman that far too many wpmen in porn are probably in a horrible lifestyles, (drugs, prostitution, etc.)

Quoting catwoman:

-- first of all, porn does not spice up sex life. ok, maybe it does - in a similar way as alcohol, or cocaine may spice up a relationship. however, the alcohol - porn comparison is not quite accurate because men and women are not depicted the same way in porn. pornography depicts females in a degraded, submissive, dominated way and the females often suffer in porn - so that the male can have some sadistic ´fun´. females in porn don´t experience any pleasure, so to say that women like porn is like saying that women like to be raped and abused. no healthy woman would freely like to watch the mainstream porn. it is only about male fantasy of dominance and sexual abuse.

-- some women may watch porn, but the fact is that most women who do, report that they felt pressured and/or intimidated to do so. it is a fact that pornography leads to lower self-esteem, much more serious then usual body image problems, depression.

-- pornography does not exist in a vacuum and is not a product of people´s creativity. it is an industrial product, a product of misogyny and hatred of women. it is a disgusting and ugly expression of sexuality - sexuality where a woman is a piece of meat that the man can cum in the mouth of, can penetrate anally, can give her any amount of pain he wants. these men call women "three orifices" - that´s exactly what women mean to these men.

-- we live in a patriarchal, sexist culture, where women are not valued as full human beings, but mainly for their appearance. in this culture boys are socialized from a very early age to identify their sexuality with objectification of women. once you justify objectification (dehumanization), a lot of cruel and appalling products can be possible to watch and ´enjoy´. so a lot of ´normal´ men can watch porn and not be considered perverted or sick, because our culture accepts as normal at least some level of perversion and disrespecting female bodies.

-- it is wrong to say that pornography has no effect on a person. of course it does. there are countless of examples. it is not a sole factor, but it is a very big one. men who view pornography report that monogamous relationships are not normal or natural, they say that rape is not a crime, it is an acceptable act, they cease being satisfied with sex with a ´normal´ woman and it may even progress to not wanting any sex with a real person at all, it leads to sexual dysfunction... and many others.

-- i am not even going to get into the practices of the industry itself....

Quoting catwoman:

-- first of all, porn does not spice up sex life. ok, maybe it does - in a similar way as alcohol, or cocaine may spice up a relationship. however, the alcohol - porn comparison is not quite accurate because......
.....
-- i am not even going to get into the practices of the industry itself....

Quoting Daydreamer:

A long time ago I watched a tv documentary about porn business in Poland, to my greatest surprise women in this industry get paid about three times more than men. Where´s the inequality there?

Quoting Daydreamer:

But I think it´s harder for a man to keep up the standards in porn films than for a woman, after all it seems quite a hard job and, let´s be honest, not many men can meet porn-star criteria in the real life

Quoting AEnigmamagnadea:

Quoting Daydreamer:

I have no idea where you took those ideas from, Cat, but they are oversimplified. First of all, let´s separate the legal porn industry and illegal one that´s often connected to human trafficking and drugs. I won´t spend a minute analysing the latter as I´m obviously against it (exactly like any kind of violation of human rights and personal freedom). However, in the former kind, none of the things you mentioned hold.

What gives you the idea that porns are about male domination? There are as many porn films about female domination as well - the idea is different people like different things, some guys want to dominate, some like being dominated. And, following the marketing rule that demand creates supply, both sides are provided for. Also, do notice that your bedroom life does not always reflect your daily life - many successful people love being dominated in the privacy of their house while they´d never let anyone dominate them outside it.

Women in porn films are not forced to choose this career, it is their conscious choice and their way of making money - it is legal so how can you tell them they are being discriminated here? Porn stars make lots of money, they money they´d never make working as check-out girls in Wal-mart. When they retire, they start their own porn business - like production companies etc. Actually they fall in the category of female entrepreneurs that we should look up to and, into the category of successful working women. Sure it´s not the case with every porn actress but there´s been quite a few who did it.

A long time ago I watched a tv documentary about porn business in Poland, to my greatest surprise women in this industry get paid about three times more than men. Where´s the inequality there?

As for taking pleasure from what they do - do you think a woman in a production line putting cans to boxes gets aroused by that? Do you think she finds it orgasmic? It is just a job. Some like it more, some don´t.

Also, it´s quite unfair to say no normal woman would watch porn with violence, rape or the like. Does it mean no normal person watches horror films? Actually normal (whatever that means) people know the difference between films and reality. I don´t know any people addicted to porn although I could bet 80% of my friends have seen at least one porn in their lives. I know couples who watch porns just to have fun - not because they have to but because they want to fool around and you can´t tell them it´s sick - it is unacceptable for you and that´s fine.

The alcohol example is not missed. I have already stated that not all women are abused in the porn industry, which makes alcohol, porns and drugs the same. For some people it´s fun, for others it isn´t. Yet, all of those may be a danger if they become too often present in one´s life.

Quoting mltm:

To your greatest surprise? Don´t you know that there´re millions of men who would do it for free? Just give an announce in Turkey looking for unpaid male porn stars. You´d be amazed.
Finding a woman who will be willing to be degraded and treated as a sex object is much more difficult.

Quoting catwoman:

You have LOTS and LOTS of misconceptions here DD. You basically have not looked at this subject closer, you just have detached mainstream, abstract ideas about it. I will get back with you soon.