Seems I am the only chick here to take a different view on this situation. I don’t see what the big deal is about people in relationships having their own lives and interests. I have never understood the mentality that once you are a couple you have to spend all your time together. If the other person is too clingy, that is a bigger red flag in my opinion.

You HAVE to have your own interests, your own friends, your own life. Whether this is the case here, who knows, but everyone seems to be jumping to the conclusion that this guy is a huge jerk. Clearly there is not enough information in the original post to know.

As for the BF in this situation not teaching this girl Turkish…what was the understanding between you? Did he say he would teach you? Maybe he doesn’t feel comfortable in his teaching skills….I am quite confident in my command of my own language but that does not translate to me being confident enough to teach it to someone else.

Assuming you moved to Turkey (which it sounds like from your post) if anyone chooses to move to a country where they do not know the language then the onus is on them to learn it so that they do not isolate themselves….preferably BEFORE moving.

If you are the kind of person that needs the constant attention from your mate, then clearly this would not be a good relationship and if he has been this way the whole time you have been together and you don’t feel you are getting what you need….what are you waiting for?  Leave.

You HAVE to have your own interests, your own friends, your own life. Whether this is the case here, who knows, but everyone seems to be jumping to the conclusion that this guy is a huge jerk. Clearly there is not enough information in the original post to know.

Have you ever heard of emotional abuse? look it up on wiki. How nice of you to be so forgiving. where i live ( a central european country) the turks have a reputation for being the ultimate macho. racist, you might say, but, unfortunately, i´m an immigrant myself! what a turn up for the books! the fact is, (and i have experienced this over a period of 30 years,  in 5 different countries), turkish men, and their ilk, have ABSOLUTELY NO RESPECT for women or their rights.  the situation quoted above is very common. nice european girl wants to have relationship with apparently "loving and devoted" turkish boyfriend. what it ends up as, is a someone for the guy to ´sleep´ with when HE feels like it. marriage? i think someone has to be around for more than 5 minutes at a time for that to happen. i am well aware that i sound like a bigot, all i can say is a year ago i was also very forgiving, but seeing the damage that this a**hole has done to an intelligent, creative happy girl makes me ill.

heres a list of what he didnt help her with:

find an apartment

find a car

pay the deposit on her apartment

move in

put up shelves

decorate (shes still waiting)

organize a holiday

take her to the doctor when she had food poisoning  (serious)

find her an english speaking doctor

he was always "busy´

i know he didnt do any of this because I DID, and i am married and have a child.

you might say these are things that she should be able to do herself. i agree.

she doesnt speak the language here,

i do. 

so does he. so why isn´t the always absent boyfriend helping?

oh, and by the way, he hates my guts for helping her. " being a hero"  as he puts it.

Your post is quite confusing....are you talking about the original poster?  A friend?  Yourself? 

You seem to have personal issues that you are bringing into this.  Where do you get emotional abuse out of this girls post???? 

I think she is referring back to her earlier post in the thread where she says she has a friend who is having the same problems.

I am referring both to the original poster, and to my friend. Where do i get the emotional abuse? Look it up.

http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/ 

Now i´m sure to some of you, this may seem over the top, maybe for you such behaviour is normal. But what the original poster is suffering IS emotional abuse.  I dont have any "personal issues" that i am bringing into this.  I have stood and watched this happen over the last year and a half.

Example. my friend has food poisoning, serious food poisoning. BF cannot be found, or contacted. cell phone off etc. so i take her to the doctor. BF is upset with me because i "made him look bad", by taking his GF to the doctor, a phrase that he often uses when he has failed to step up.  THE NEXT WEEK the BFs sister has food poisoning. he drives 250 KM at the dead of night to take  her to the doctor. (and by the way, the sister is an adult, and lives in a large town)   This is not personal. this about how other human beings should be treated.  I just know he´s never around when he´s supposed to be, doesn´t contact my friend for days, but gets angry with her if she does something on her own.  Oh, and the things he says like "you better not wear that skirt unless i´m with you"    The original poster has been with her BF for six months, and cannot hope for anything better than she has now, it will not change, he will not change. I only hope for her sake that he doesn´t become violent.  I´ve seen that happen too. 

What she will have to come to terms with is that her BF comes from a culture where women are 2nd class citizens. read the report from  The History foundation and The Human Rights Foundation of Turkey, regarding streotyping of women in Turkish schoolbooks. (Where children learn the attitudes they will have later in life).  Its an attitude Turkish men carry with them all their lives.

You are stereotyping based on a personal situation. You also seem to be reading what you want to see out of the original post to justify stereotyping. Just because this particular man likes to spend time with his friends does not constitute emotional abuse. You can give me all the links and reports in the world…I’m not a stupid woman. I know what emotional abuse is.  Unless you know all the details related to the original poster´s situation then you cannot know…from what was originally written…that this is emotional abuse. 

As for the situation with your friend…from the “list” that you have posted….I have to wonder if she is looking for a partner or a sugar daddy. While I see validity in the “serious food poisoning” incident, I fail to see why should he find her an apartment, PAY for her deposit, find her a car, or decorate for her! 

It goes back to what I originally said….if a person chooses to move to a country where they don’t know the language then they should LEARN it before they go (not to mention being responsible enough to talk about arrangements and setting up health care in advance).  And if a person is not getting what they need in a relationship then they should leave. 

I didn´t write "find an apartment, find a car" , I wrote "help find an apartment, help find a car" which means "Being Involved in your partners life". My friend is not looking for a sugar daddy, she earns her own way, she simply wants her BF to be involved in her life, not just his.  And my error, just to clarify, I didn´t make it clear that no money changed hands on the deposit, I guaranteed the deposit for the first month.

I don´t really want to get into an argument here, I have my opinion, you have yours. If you think wanting your BF of 18 months to call and let you know what is going on after you haven´t heard anything for 24 hours or more, and his cell phone is switched off, and this on a regular basis  is clingy, then I guess that´s clingy. 

No-one mentioned constant attention. we´re talking about any attention at all.

As far as the other items on the list are concerned, where I come from BFs usually help out with such things, especially if they say they love you.   Cars, decorating,moving house, being there generally, again, being involved. 

These are all things that I have done for other friends, neighbours, co-workers. Maybe I´m just a nice person. And all my other friends have done similar things for their friends, co-workers, neighbours, and especially their partners. I thought that was normal behaviour.

But to get back to the main point. The things  the original poster wrote:

"I know this is pathetic of me to post a question regarding my relationship with my Turkish boyfriend but I can´t help myself.  So sorry to those I offend.  But here goes...." 

Isn´t that an indication of how bad she feels about the situation? People asking advice don´t generally call themselves pathetic.

She doesn´t say he spends time with his friends, she says he spends all his time with his friends. Not quite the same thing. 

I have known several European women who have been in relationships with Turkish men, and they have all said the same thing, it´s great if you want to have kids and stay in the house all day, but if you want a life, forget it. And as far as stereotyping goes, as I posted, I´m a foreigner in this country myself, and have lived all over the world, so I think I have a pretty broad mind regarding most cultures.  Anyway,  

´Nuff said.  Everything we do is a choice, sometimes not the right one. I just hope my friend doesn´t get too  damaged by this "relationship" and the same goes for the original poster.

I think what Rezzy has written is a very interesting observation and she is not stereotyping Turkish men at all!  In fact what she is doing is confirming many of the hundreds of similar posts from girls/women with or who have had Turkish boyfriends.  How many other personal situations has she reflected here?  We see this all the time in the translation forum, not possibly so graphically described but it is all there.  But I do make the point, we only generally hear the bad stories and not the good stories

I agree with you completely actually, and am a bit surprised at GG´s comments.  However, I don´t think this pattern of behaviour is unique or general in Turkey, but does have some cultural roots for some Turks. I think the reason we see so many similar Turks on this website, or hear about them from others, is because most women are meeting Turks from touristic places, where staff are probably less educated and more absorbed into the culture that breeds this kind of behavour.  To assume "all turks" are like this is completely wrong.  I have seen some "great" examples of these type of men in the west too. 

The type of jealous, possessive yet disinterested behaviour is quite common with "macho" men and makes them feel better about themselves.  There is a certain degree of mysogyny there too - they don´t actually enjoy a woman´s company very much, but need to be loved and need her for sex.  These men don´t particularly like women very much, they mistrust them.  They can´t relate to them at all, or laugh and have fun with them.   They enjoy the power they have over them, and subconsciously they gradually brainwash the woman into believing that they are worthless and that they NEED the man so much that they can never leave him.

If a man is telling you what to wear, and what NOT to wear;  if he is unhappy when you go out alone with friends;  if he gets angry with you frequently; if he doesn´t like your friends; if he prefers the company of his male friends; if he shows no interest in your family or other aspects of your life -  YOU SHOULD GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP FAST.  Things will never get better, they will get considerably worse.  You will get more and more dependent and put up with more and more abuse.  Emotional abuse invariably leads to physical abuse....

Just to clarify the situation, everyone is under the assumption that I am female, for some reason.  I´m male, 53 years old wife and teenage child.

 Yes I noticed that you called your self a "guy" but everyone was calling you "she"!!