I met Onur a few months ago. He is from Istanbul and it was immediate attraction. He was such a sweet guy and we became very close. He asked me to be his girlfriend and he would call me often. His bill must have been tremendous because he would call and we would speak for 3 or maybe even four hours. I was very drawn to him. Later, I stopped talking to him. I noticed he was becoming very jealous and at the same time very stubborn. I am the kind of girl that likes to have my way so you could imagine what was running through my mind when he told me that I couldn't go out with my friends. He would call and check up on me; of course I didnt' tell any of my friends what he was up to. I imagined they would be very upset with me if I continued to talk to him. Onur and me no longer speak. He is very very jealous. When he called me and heard a man's voice answer, he became very angry and questioned me. He asked me why I never told him that I was living with a man and if there is anything going on. I told him no of course but he didnt' believe me. He kept on insisting that I was playing with his heart all along and that one day I will see. Yeah thats what he told me, he said "Jok, watch and you see later how man really treat you and you miss me later, I know." Those were actually his exact words. He didn't really allowed me time to explain or anything. He was set in his thinking and that I was bad.........Well the reason I talked about Onur is because I want all to know ever since I've met Onur, I have this "major" attraction for Turkish men. I don't know what it is about them that makes me like them so much but I do. Oh yes, I will speak of Ibrahim who is nothing like Onur. Ibrahim is my sweetheart and I'm so happy we're talking. Ya'll can look at my boyfriend's foto in my personal foto. Ibrahim and me have been talking for almost 2 months now. He is a total sweetheart. He calls me like Onur but not as much because he doesn't have a lot of money like Onur. He is so so so so super sweet and sings to me on the phone. He is very jealous but not as extreme like Onur so I am glad for that. My boyfriend is sending me a gift this coming month and I can't wait to see what it is........Ibrahim I miss you.................Jok

u have to give your heart only to one person..
u cant change your heart every 2 months like a dress...

Is that why you are alone duskahvesi? waiting for "the one"

wise words duskahvesi

Now I am also suspicous for Ibrahims future.Coz at first u loved onur much too...Than left him...Now its ibrahims turn...And the end will be the same like onur...Sorry for ibrahim...

Now this was a very interesting forum. The negative posts were all from turkish men!

I don't know where jok is from, but she is not unusual that she changes her heart (like a dress duskhavesi? CIK!) Maybe she is looking for The One, but she didn't find it in Onur did she? Because he messed up that relationship big time! I'd bet my last lira that he was seeing other girls while he was phoning her and telling her not to go out with her friends. Maybe if he hadn't been so jealous, unreasonable and possessive she wouldn't have changed her heart.

Sometimes even if you love someone lots, if they have characteristics that you could never live with - like unreasonable jealousy and possessiveness - you would be very sensible to break off that relationship.

I don't think The One just comes along and everything is wonderful, you have to work at your relationship and you have to both make compromises. Maybe it is the rare Turkish boy that can make the compromises to ensure a happy and long lasting relationship. European or american girls would rarely be the one to make all the changes in their lives because they would soon 'put on a new dress' and look for someone more flexible

Wow, Ibrahim's really cute I wish you all the best!

Lyndie you are absolutely right. No relationship is perfect, but you have to look for a person who is as similar as you, eho thinks the same. As Lyndie said, you must look after your relationship.

If you are independent and another person tries to take away your independence totally it means that he/she doesn't really cares about you and your feelings and doesn't even try to understand you...

All negative opinions from Turkish men how typical! You are also jealous, you think that girl should love only one boy, the best - the first ever met. I won't say what I think about it...

not typical turkish men react..why?
i know same men in turkey who r my friends..
so i saw the same behaviours from them but i said the same to them..
well
if any person changes her bf or his gf every 2 months that means this person has some problems.. why?
he doesnt like someone for a long time..may be he/she has emotional, mental, oy psychgical etc.. first he/she should solve this problem
i am not talking about specifical person.. generally.. pls dont misunderstand me...

I understand what you mean Dushkavasi, usually a man or a women that flits from one relationship to another, does have some sort of emotional problems. It is not good to be this way. It seems the general idea these day's is to just move on to the next person if things are not working, instead of trying to sort out the problem.

What a debate! Jok just wanted to share some experience with us and ended up being strongly criticized. I was shocked reading our gentlemen's posts. After all she wrote about Onur, I'm not a bit surprised she dumped him. I suppose each independent woman who treasures her freedom would do the same. How can you stay in a relationship resembling a totalitarian jail?!
I'm not saying that splitting is a sensible thing to do the moment things begin to go wrong, but sometimes you discover that the person you are with is different from the one you met. People change all the time and it does happen that couples who have spent 20 years together suddenly find themselves not willing to continue being together. In some cases there's no other way than to bring a relationship to an end, and you cannot blame somebody for trying their luck with somebody else.
Personally, I admire women who have enough inner strength to fight for their own happiness even if it means a total revolution in their lives. I feel sorry for those who live the life they hate, with a partner they are abused by or simply sick and tired of but do nothing to change it. We have just one life and it is too short to be wasted.

Well, I don't agree with any of you about these so called 'emotional problems' - maybe the person who flits from one relationship to another is just looking for some fun!

or

Maybe they recognise characteristics in the relationship that they realise they can't live with and decide not to invest any more effort in the relationship.

How long do you all think you should stay in a relationship trying to make it work? 3 months? 6 months? 20 years?

Or

Maybe they don't want a relationship at all, maybe they are just using the other person for money/fun/sex!

Or

Maybe they are following the philosophy that like the Princess in the story you 'have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince'!

Wow, I am very surprised and glad that I got so many responses. Of course I value everyone's opinion, bad or good. I am with Ibrahim because things just didn't work out with me and Onur. Yeah the guys were pretty harsh on me and that's okay,hehehehe...Me and Onur are still talking. The other day Onur called me and he asked how I was doing. I told him I was doing fine. He told me he missed me and asked if I missed him. I told him the truth, yeah I missed him but I didn't see him in the same light.I told Ibrahim that Onur called me and you guys could imagine how Ibrahim took it. He didn't like it and asked if I still love Onur. That question remains a mystery. I think of Onur but I don't want to be with him, you know. Time has past and I am very happy with Ibrahim. I picture myself being with Onur and not being able to go anywhere. Let me tell you guys what he told me one time. When we were talking I asked Onur how would he feel if I go out with my friends to a party when we are married. He told me "It's impossible." These were his exact words. He told me he didnt' like the idea of me going to parties. Later I asked him how would he feel if I went to a birthday party for a little child, he said again "it's impossible." He told me in these kind of events, I am to go only with him.
I will write more later because it's very late here. Thanks for everyone's feedback.......always, Jok

Mmm, there are some turkish men VERY EXTREMEDLY jealous. But at the most, you will find with very sweet guys. TUrkish men are very nice and polite, they all are gentlemen.
My bf is turkish too, of course is a kinda jealous but I think you must find a balance between his living way and yours.
I hope with this new guy you can be happy...

they are sweet and romantic and nice until they have you, and they have what they want and need. ask any girl who is married for a while to a turkish man over here, if shes honest she will tell you. its best to be honest and hear it real before you are caught in a web. ask anyone whos been married for a while, they will tell you what they are like and how before they used to be the sweetest romantic lovely boyfriend.

To girls who are in relationship with Turkish men these are my suggestions:

1. I would definately suggest to spend some time together. Live together for a while or go to an holiday for a week or two. Since you understand each other very well doesnt necessarly mean you would make a good couple to live together.
People who start sharing a house with their friends will understand what I mean. As friends you might me very happy but as housemates you might be just the opposite. A smillar situation applies here.

2. Try to know more about the mens family. While they might seem the opposite some Turkish men might be very traditional and conservative.

3. For foreign women it is very hard to understand the kind of Turkish men you need to stay away from. Interestingly this is very easy for Turkish women. Observe his relationship with Turkish women who are well educated and modern. If he doesnt have these kind female friend you should be very suspicious. Maybe he is too despot and thats why.
Even the way they dress will tell something to a Turkish women but it wont to an unexperienced foreign women.
Ask the person if she thinks that your friend could be a maganda.

4. Are you sure your friend is ethnically Turkish? This is important because many turks in Turkia are Turkish citizens but not ethnically Turkish. If the person speaks another language than Turkish the cultural background could be very different.
You need to ask where his relatives live are from. For instance grandparents etc. Try to find more information about the culture where his family comes from. The east of Turkey is extremely different than the west. If he is originally from east but lives in the west there is a reason to be suspicious.

5. The music he listens can be a very usefull hint to understand a person. Find out about the music he listens and talk about this issue with modern Turkish women. There are many men who look very modern, act very nice and polite but in reallity they might be very different.

6. Finally have a look on my post about magandas. It starts here with my first post on this page and continues. Be sure your friend is not a maganda or maganda like.

http://www.turkishclass.com/forumTitle_8_35_4